Time to Heal
by LauriD
Summary: The return of an old enemy forces Amanda to face some painful memories and places the entire family in danger.
1. Prologue

Time to Heal Prologue

Disclaimer: Scarecrow and Mrs. King is the property of Warner Brothers and Shoot the Moon Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only. No copyright infringement is intended.

Title: Time to Heal

Author: LauriD

Time Frame: Five years after end of the show.

Synopsis: The return of an old enemy forces Amanda to face some painful memories and places the entire family in danger.

Author's Notes: This is my first fan fiction story and I hope you enjoy it. Feedback is welcome. ***This story is being updated to correct a few character's names that were previously misspelled.***

**Prologue**

Amanda leaned against the wall of the large freezer and slowly slid to the floor. She tried not to think about how cold she really felt but she could barely feel her hands - they were going numb. Hugging herself she moved her hands up and down the side of her arms in an attempt to create some warmth. She was thankful she decided to wear her blue sweater this morning. It didn't seem to provide too much protection against the cold but she hated to think how much worse she would feel without it.

She had been working undercover at the restaurant for two weeks. Three more minutes and she would have been out the door with the evidence needed to prove the owners had been laundering money for a new terrorist organization; but they had been waiting for her. She still was not sure how her cover had been blown.

After they locked her in the freezer, her first reaction was to look for a way out. She searched the freezer for something, anything that would help her get the door open but there was nothing. She tried banging on the door and yelling for help but when no one came she started to pace and talk to herself. This helped to take her mind off the cold.

"Just hold on Amanda he's coming … he's coming", she mumbled. 'He' was Lee Stetson, a.k.a Scarecrow, her partner of eight years and husband of five years. Although he tried desperately not to show it, Amanda knew how on edge Lee was whenever she did an undercover assignment without him and now she had missed her last check-in with Billy. Yes, she knew he was coming. She just had to hold on.

But the colder she got the more her body just wanted to relax. In her mind she knew she had to get up and keep moving but she was too exhausted. Sleep - that's what she wanted now. Slowly her eyes closed and her mind began to drift.

She thought of a case a few years ago when she had also been locked in a freezer, except that time she had Francine to keep her company. She remembered Francine's confession about her addiction to chocolate and the laugh she and Lee shared when she later gave Francine a box of chocolates as a token of friendship. "Once on the lips, forever on the hips," she told Lee about her seemingly thoughtful gift. _'Would dying alone be better than dying with Francine?'_ Funny what your mind thought of in these situations. "No, Amanda" she told herself as she opened her eyes, "no thoughts … of dying." She was trembling uncontrollably now but she had to stay positive. Francine told her he wouldn't be able to save them then but she was wrong. "Lee came … for you then," she mumbled, "and … he is coming … for you now."

'_How long have I been here?'_ she wondered. _'How long could a person stay in such conditions before freezing? Five minutes? No, I have been here longer than that. Thirty minutes?'_ She knew the answer from one of Phillip's old homework assignments but now she was too tired to remember. Slowly her eyes closed again as her thoughts drifted to her family:

'_Mother was finally marrying Captain Curt after all these years. We still have so many things to take care of before the wedding. I hope they will be as happy as Lee and I have been. Phillip just went back to school. I can't believe he is in his second year at West Virginia University. If he has any hopes of improving his grades this year he must spend more time concentrating on his studies and less on girls. Jamie's a senior in high school now. He's blossomed in the last few years. I was surprised when he decided to give up the science club this year for the photography club and a chance to work on the school year book. He even managed to land a part-time job with the Arlington Gazette. And Emily, my beautiful baby girl, the surprise that forced Lee and I to come clean about our marriage. At four years old, she has her mother's brown curls and her father's hazel eyes, but oh that temperament, that is all Stetson. However, Lee swears her stubbornness comes more from me than him. I refuse to see how that could be possible.'_

Amanda was unable to stop the numerous thoughts that invaded her mind: _'Would Lee be okay without me? Could he manage as a single father? The boys were grown now but what about Emily? Mother would be there for support. Would he remarry?'_ "Stop it Amanda…you … are not … going… to die… he will find you", she said aloud as she opened her eyes again.

Then she saw him, standing there in front of her in his black tux smiling. "Lee?" she whispered questioningly.

'_Yes, I love you Amanda.'_

"I love you too, Lee."

'_I'm coming for you. Just hold on.'_

"I know… I will"

'_Don't give up'_

"I won't."

'_Don't give up … don't give it up'_

"Don't give…'what'… up?" she asked in confusion as her eyes closed again. Those words sounded so familiar.

'_Hi Amanda…remember me?'_ Amanda's body suddenly tensed at the sound of this new sinister voice that was not her husband's. _'I'm coming for you too.'_

"No … leave me alone." Her words were barely a whisper. She wanted to run. Her mind told her she had to run but she couldn't move. "Lee … Lee … Lee …"

"Amanda." Her husband's voice was back but somehow it was clearer. "I'm here Amanda." Lee Stetson whispered to his wife as he quickly carried her from the freezer.

"I think she's coming around. Get me a blanket or something to put around her, we need to warm her up," Lee yelled at the other agents as he gently laid her down on the dining room floor and wrapped his jacket around her. She was extremely cold.

"Here," Francine said handing him a couple of clean white tablecloths she retrieved from the kitchen. "The paramedics are on their way."

"Did we get them," Lee asked through gritted teeth referring to the animals who tried to kill his Amanda.

"Yes, we have them in custody. She's going to be okay Lee."

"Lee," Amanda said again as she struggled to open her eyes at the sound of his voice.

"I'm here baby. You're going to be okay."

Amanda looked into the worried face of her husband and slowly raised her right hand to touch his face. 'It's you. You're really here,' she thought. Then she smiled, "I knew you'd get here in time," she whispered. "You always do."

Lee smiled back at her and pulled her into his arms. 'She's going to be alright. I got here in time. But, oh god, what if I had not … what if I had not.' Lee closed his eyes in an attempt to banish the thought from his mind.

Page 3 of 3


	2. Chapter 1

Time to Heal Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

"Amanda what do you think about this as a honeymoon spot?" Dotty asked her daughter as she walked into the kitchen and handed her a brochure. "'Jamaica' - doesn't that just sound wonderful. I've always wanted to go to Jamaica. They have several all-inclusive resorts over there. We just have to decide which one we want to stay at. Captain Curt told me to choose the one I like best. Oh, Amanda, you have to help me decide."

Amanda smiled at her mother's rambling. She hadn't seen her mother this excited in a long time. "Mother, they all seem wonderful. I think you're going to be satisfied with whichever one you choose."

"I'm sure you're right. Oh, I am so glad you've been here these past few weeks to help with the wedding plans … well, despite the circumstances. I still don't understand what kind of assignment you could have been working on to nearly freeze to death?"

"Mother, you know I can't …"

"Yes, I know," Dotty said cutting off her daughter's words, "it's 'need to know' and something tells me I don't want to know" she sighed. She knew that there was more to the story than what she had been told. She had learned to accept that there were certain things about her daughter and son-in-law that occurred in the line of duty that she could not be told, but she constantly worried about their safety.

Dotty's thoughts were interrupted by the clicking sound of small feet. Both women turned towards the kitchen's entrance and gasped in horror at the sight of a little girl standing before them with pink lipstick, face powder and eye shadow spread across her face in a most untidy manner.

"Oh my gosh! Emily Dorthea Stetson, just what have you been doing?" Amanda raised both hands to her face in shock at her daughter's appearance.

"Getting pretty," the child answered excitedly.

"And what were you 'getting pretty' for?"

"Granma's wedding"

"Oh, I see. So this is how you want to look for Grandma's wedding?" Amanda asked trying desperately to contain her laughter.

"Yeah, pretty", Emily exclaimed with a wide smile.

Amanda set down on one of the stools in the kitchen. "Come here honey," she said as she picked the child up and placed her in her lap. "Didn't mommy tell you not to play with her makeup?" Her whispered voice was soft and motherly.

"Yes" the child responded quickly moving her head up and down, "… but this is Granma's make-up."

"I guess you can't argue with that logic." Dotty said as they both started to laugh.

Their laughter was cut short by the ringing of the telephone. "You get the phone Amanda and I'll clean up our little makeup artist." Dotty picked up Emily and left the room.

* * *

Lee Stetson pulled his silver corvette into the driveway and smiled as he glanced at the clock on his dashboard – 6:00. It was rare that he was able to get home at a decent hour especially since Amanda had been on leave.

He smiled again as he glanced at his house – his home – his and Amanda's home. After the initial shock of the announcement of their marriage and Amanda's pregnancy had worn off and he was comfortably settled with his new family, Lee decided to once again approach Amanda with the subject of a new house.

They had discussed buying a new house prior to their decision to have a 'secret marriage' and Amanda had been against it. She feared that so many changes at once may be too much for the family to deal with. But with a new baby on the way, Lee argued that they would need more room. Amanda felt that the house on Maplewood Drive was large enough to accommodate their family but in the end they decided on a compromise. If they could find a new home that required only a minimal amount of change for the family then she would agree to the move. Thus began 'Operation – New House'.

Lee embarked on his mission with great eagerness. He understood Amanda's concerns but he wanted this move … he _needed_ this move. He was fond of the house on Maplewood Drive but that was Amanda's house – the one she had shared with Joe. There were too many of their memories there and he did not want to compete.

Despite Joe's pleasant demeanor whenever Lee was around, Lee was quite aware that Joe was not happy about his relationship with Amanda. Since his return to the states, Lee felt Joe regretted his decision to divorce Amanda and wished to reconcile. That he wanted her back was obvious from the way he looked at her. He expressed his concern to Amanda once but she only laughed at the idea. Lee even suspected that Joe's engagement to Carrie had been an attempt to make Amanda jealous – force her to choose between the two of them. His suspensions were escalated by Joe's reluctance to set a wedding date. Even Carrie had started to worry. When he and Amanda told the family of their secret marriage and Emily's upcoming birth, Joe had been unreasonably angry, but within six months he and Carrie set a date and were married.

It was shortly after Joe and Carrie's wedding that Lee found it – their home. It was a bit larger than the house on Maplewood Drive and was less than a ten minutes' drive away. Although the boys had to change schools, they were still close enough that they could hang out with their old friends. The boys were happy, his new mother-in-law was happy, Amanda was happy and Lee was ecstatic.

They moved into their new home a few weeks after Emily's birth and within the year Joe announced that he had accepted a job in Estoccia and he and Carrie were moving. Although Lee was sad that the boys were once again losing their father's continued presence in their lives, Joe's absence relieved some of Lee's stress and allowed him the opportunity to build a relationship with Jamie such as he had always experienced with Phillip.

Despite Lee's comments about suburban life in the early years when he and Amanda met, he found he rather enjoyed the lifestyle tremendously – camping trips, baseball games in the park, and barbecues in the backyard with neighbors and friends – were all constant family activities. Of course, as he eventually learned, life in the suburbs did have its problems.

Stepping out of his car Lee spotted his neighbor, Mrs. Henley, and grimaced as he realized the woman was heading his way.

"Hello … Mr. Stetson," she said with a smile as she crossed the street in front of him.

"Good evening Mrs. Henley." He wondered if she recognized the irritation in his voice.

Mrs. Janet Henley was the wife of a successful investment banker. Having never had to work a day in her life, she raised her children in what she called 'the right way.' She prided herself on being aware of everything that took place in the neighborhood, watched everyone and was not shy about giving her opinion on matters that did not concern her.

The Stetsons received their first taste of Mrs. Henley several months after moving into the neighborhood when she politely informed them that it would be best that they kept the blinds to their upstairs bedroom closed at night. "We wouldn't want the impressionable minds of the young people in the neighborhood to witness your private intimate moments," she had told them. The woman was quite shocked by Lee's response. Amanda eventually succeeded in smoothing things over to ensure good neighborhood relations. Lee, however, decided that it was best that he keep his distance from the woman.

"I just wanted to return this to your wife." She handed him a glass casserole dish. "Please thank her for me." Lee took the dish from the woman and was about to walk away but she was not finished with their conversation.

"I've noticed your wife has been home quite a bit lately. I was hoping that she finally decided to give up that dreadful job and stay at home. I'm sure you make enough money to support your family and you have that beautiful little girl to consider. She really needs her …"

"Thank you Ms. Henley, I'll be sure to thank my wife for you," Lee interrupted her and quickly walked away. He couldn't endure any more of that insufferable woman's comments.

He was halfway to the door when he saw a young blond woman waving her hands to get his attention as she jogged across the lawn towards him. Debbie Stevens, the very busty 24 year old fitness trainer who had recently moved into the neighborhood was wearing a very short jogging shorts and a tight low cut top. She was exactly the type of woman Lee would have been drawn to years ago but now, compared to his wife, she was only a cheap substitute.

"Hello, Mr. Stetson," the woman said tossing her hair back seductively.

"Hello Debbie." He smiled uncomfortably as the young woman approached.

"I heard through the neighborhood grapevine that your wife hasn't been feeling well lately." 'Mrs. Henley no doubt' he thought. "Well I just wanted you to know that if there was anything I could do for you, like accompany you to one of those premiere parties in her place."

"Premiere parties?" Lee asked somewhat confused.

"Yes, for your documentaries. Your son told me you were a director and that occasionally you had to attend these parties for the release of one your documentaries. He said that some very influential people in the film business are usually there."

"_My_ son told you this?"

"Yes, Phillip. We spent some time together before he went back to college."

"You … and Phillip …?" Now he knew why Phillip decided to delay his trip back to school. 'Ok Stetson, looks like you need to talk to that boy about the dangers of older women - especially ones like Debbie.'

"Oh, no … it's not what you think. Phillip is a nice kid but …" She tossed her hair back over her shoulders again and stepped closer, "I like my men a little older … if you know what I mean."

Lee quickly took a step back to increase the distance between them, "Yes, well … uhm … My wife has been feeling much better lately so … uhm… thanks for the offer but I assure you it won't be necessary." He turned away from the woman and hurriedly walked away before she had a chance to respond.

Lee walked through the door just as Dotty was about to head upstairs with Emily. "Daddy, Daddy, look at me." The child exclaimed with excitement as she wrangled herself from her grandmother's arms and ran to her father.

Lee quickly put the dish he was carrying on the coffee table. "Wow, look at you," he exclaimed joyfully as he picked up his little girl.

"I look pretty." She smiled radiantly at him as she awaited confirmation of his approval. Her daddy, she knew, would never disappoint her.

He exchanged an amused look with Dotty. "You certainly do princess." The jubilant look on her face told him he'd delivered what she wanted to hear.

"Your little princess decided to show us how she wanted to look for my wedding." Dotty sighed walking over to them.

"But I didn't use mommy's make up," the child whispered to her father to explain that her actions were not one of disobedience. "I used granmas'."

"Very good honey but the next time you want to put on some makeup you need to ask mommy or grandma first, okay."

"Okay" she whispered.

"Where's Amanda." Lee handed the child back to her grandmother and picked up the casserole dish.

"She's in the kitchen. Now, let's go get you cleaned up." She took her granddaughter and headed up the stairs.

"Yes, I received them … thank you … they're beautiful." Lee heard his wife say into the phone when he entered the kitchen. As he placed the dish on the counter, his eyes caught sight of a very beautiful bouquet of flowers. From the look of the vase they were delivered in, it was obvious they were expensive.

Lee opened the refrigerator and took out the bottle of wine he and Amanda had opened the previous night. After pouring himself a glass he leaned against the counter and tried to appear nonchalant about Amanda's conversation.

Amanda had heard Lee enter the house shortly after answering the phone. She had tried her best to end the conversation before he entered the kitchen but his conversation with her mother and Emily had ended too soon. "Ok … thanks again … bye."

"Who was on the phone?" Lee asked taking another sip of his wine. She had barely placed the phone on the receiver.

"Oh, it was no one important." She answered a little too quickly. She walked over to her husband and put her arms around his neck. "I missed you today," she whispered as she reached up and kissed him. He put his hands on her hips and pulled her closer deepening the kiss.

They both sighed as their lips parted. She looked up at him and smiled. "You're home pretty early."

"Yeah … so who sent the flowers?" He enjoyed his welcome home kiss tremendously but he was not about to be sidetracked.

Amanda pulled herself from his embrace and walked over to the cabinet. "We're having chili for dinner … your recipe." She calmly removed the dishes and prepared to set the table. Glancing over her shoulders she saw him walk over to the flowers. She grimaced as he removed a card from the center of the bouquet.

Lee's eyes narrowed as he read the contents of the card through clinched teeth, "_Happy to see you're feeling better – Dean_._" _

Despite his occasional encounters with the likes of Mrs. Henley and Debbie Stevens, suburban life for Lee had been very pleasant until approximately eight months ago when someone new moved into the neighborhood – Dean – Amanda's ex-boyfriend. However, this was not the nerdy, weatherman Dean from years before. Since his breakup with Amanda, Dean's personal and professional life had changed considerably. With assistance from an Image Consultant, a personal trainer, a little professional networking and a few public encounters with some well-known socialites and Dean was now the 'leading anchorman' for Washington's top news station and was considered one of Washington's most eligible bachelors.

"He _does_ realize you're married now," Lee fumed. He crumbled the card in his right hand and threw it in the trash.

"Lee, he only sent them out of courtesy. He found out I had been in the hospital a few weeks ago and simply wanted to wish me well." She calmly proceeded with her task of setting the table not wanting to engage in an argument over this Dean subject.

"And he couldn't have done that the other day when he made his surprise visit here to see you. He had to send an expensive bouquet of flowers," he stated heatedly pacing back and forth across the kitchen floor.

"He didn't know I had been in the hospital until he came by the other day and you know the only reason he was here was to see Jamie, _not_ me."

His eyes narrowed again as he stopped pacing and looked at her. "No, I only know what he _said_."

"What's that supposed to mean?" She sudden stopped her task and stared back at him.

"He's using his 'so called' interest in Jamie as a way of getting close to you again."

"You can't be serious..." she began incredulously.

"I think Jamie's spending way too much time with this guy anyway." He anxiously ran his left hand through his hair and resumed his pacing routine. "He's an arrogant, self-centered, playboy and not the type of person I want influencing our son."

"What?" Amanda laughed in amazement at his description of Dean's character. She remembered a time when that description could have been applied to him. 'Talk about the pot calling the cattle black,' she thought.

Although Lee hated to admit it, Amanda knew that Jaime's relationship with Dean bothered him almost as much as her past relationship with him. It was partly because of Dean's connections and influence that Jamie was able to get the part-time job with the newspaper. Lee had worked hard to build a relationship with his youngest stepson. He had given Jamie his first camera as a gift and had encouraged his growing interest in photography for which he had a natural talent. It was Lee's suggestion that Jaime apply for the part-time job with the newspaper but Dean made it happen. And now it seemed, to Lee, that Jamie was spending more time with Dean than with him. Lee hated the man's intrusion on his family. In some ways, it gave him a new perspective and sympathy for Joe's feelings toward him.

Taking a deep breath he turned to her in a more subdued manner, "Amanda, I know we've talked about this before and …"

"No, Lee…" she said cutting off his ranting. "We are not selling this house and moving again. You're being ridiculous!"

"I'm being ridiculous … I'm being ridiculous!" He bellowed as she turned away from him in frustration. "Just how would you like it if one of my ex-girlfriends moved in down the street and you had to deal with seeing her on a regular basis?"

Amanda turned towards him with a wicked smirk on her face. "You mean instead of the half-dozen or so ex-girlfriends I have to see at work on a daily basis?"

Lee glared at her for a moment in silence before turning away. He hated to be reminded of his extensive list of past relationships or should he say 'meaningless sexual encounters.' How was he supposed to respond to that? He knew he had backed himself into a corner. Anything he said at this point would be the wrong thing. Running his hand through his hair he contemplated his next move. Suddenly his eyes fell on the casserole dish. "Mrs. Henley said to tell you thanks for loaning her the casserole dish," he finally said somberly deciding it was best to end the conversation.

"Thank you". She picked up the dish and went to put it away grateful that their Dean discussion was finally over.

"So how was your day?" He walked over to her and leaned against the counter.

"It was pretty nice. Mother took Emily and me out for breakfast this morning, and then we went to the mall for a little shopping; then when mother went to meet Captain Curt, I took Emily to the park to play with some of her friends; then we came back here. It was a great way to spend my last day at home since I'll be returning to work on Monday."

Lee was smiling as she rambled on but grimaced at her last statement. He suddenly remembered the sight of her near frozen body when he rescued her from the freezer. They were nearly too late, the NSI doctor had said at the hospital. She had to stay in the hospital a couple of days longer than expected when her fever suddenly returned. Lee stayed calm when he was with her and the family but when he was alone he was a wreck.

"You know … if you want I could talk to Billy about giving you another week," he added hesitantly.

"No" she said quickly. "I've enjoyed being at home with mother and Emily but I'm ready to get back to work.

"Amanda, I just feel …"

"Lee!" She turned towards him, "we had this discussion last week. And to appease you, I requested another week but that's it. It's time to go back." She took her left hand and touched his chest. "I'm okay," she whispered.

He leaned over and gave her a quick soft kiss on the lips. "I know...It's just that…I worry about you."

"I know. I worry about you too. That's why I need to be there to watch your back," she smiled.

He smiled back at her than turned serious again. "What about the nightmares?"

"Lee, nightmares are common after what I went through, you know that. We all have them. Then they go away and we move on." She was doing her best to put him at ease. "I haven't had one in days."

He brushed his hand across her left cheek, "Are you sure?"

The question took her by surprise. "Yes…of course..." She smiled reassuringly at his questioning gaze, "No more nightmares." But she knew it was only a half truth. The nightmares over the freezer incident had long subsided. It was the other ones that lingered - the ones that always seemed to creep up whenever she was faced with a frightening experience – the ones about Birol. Why those nightmares always returned, she didn't know. And this time, somehow, they seemed a little more intense. But she couldn't tell Lee. He already carried enough guilt over her kidnapping by Birol years ago. Besides, as always, those nightmares too would fade and she'll be okay again.

"Mom…Lee..." Her thoughts were interrupted by Jamie's excited yell as he rushed in the house. "Look" he handed them a copy of the _Arlington Gazette_. "They used one of my photos for their article on that warehouse fire yesterday. I just happened to be passing by when the fire started and since I had my camera I took some picture. They said I have potential."

"Jamie that's wonderful. I'm so proud of you." Amanda exclaimed as she hugged her son.

"Me too sport, I knew you could do it." Lee said with pride as he ruffled his son's hair.

Jamie was grinning from ear to ear. "I just came back from showing Dean. He said he's going to frame a copy and hang it in his office at the station. I can't thank him enough for getting me this job." Amanda looked into Lee's face and their eyes locked. She watched the change of expression on his face. "I have to go call Phillip," Jamie said running up the stairs.

"Make it fast, dinner is ready" she yelled, her eyes never leaving her husband. "Lee…" she began slowly watching his dejected stare.

"Uhm… Amanda I just remembered I have these files to look over for that case I'm working on and I'm not very hungry so…uhm…I think I'm just going to skip dinner." He walked away quickly wondering why, only fifteen minutes ago, he had been so happy to get home early.

* * *

"Alright, that concludes today's meeting," Billy Melrose stated addressing the room of agents. "But before we adjourn I would like to welcome back Amanda Stetson who has been home recuperating from her last assignment. I want to officially thank you for the fine job you did on that case and I'm sure I speak for all, Amanda, when I say you have been truly missed."

"Thank you, sir" she replied softly with pride and embarrassment as her fellow agents applauded.

As the agents started to leave the conference room, several came over to welcome her back and give their personal congratulations. "I have a meeting with Billy in his office so I'll see you upstairs later." Lee whispered walking past her to catch up with his superior who was already in the hall.

"Okay" she answered quickly and turned back to the other agents.

"Amanda's looking well." Billy commented to Lee as they entered the bullpen and headed towards his office.

"Well, she says she is." He closed the door to Billy office after they were both inside to give them more privacy.

Billy slowly sat behind his desk and watched his friend cross the room and lean against the file cabinet. "You sound skeptical."

"I think she's hiding something from me Billy." His words were low almost as if he were talking to himself.

"Something like what?" Billy leaned back in his chair

"I don't know" he said in frustration turning towards his boss. "I think she's still having nightmares. She says they've stopped but…" he ran his hands through his hair "…I don't think she's telling me the truth. I know she's not sleeping well at night."

Billy sighed and turned his chair to follow Lee's movements as he crossed to the other side of the room. "Are you sure you're not just being overly paranoid Scarecrow? You know you tend to do that when it comes to your …wife." He nearly chuckled at the word. Although he had helped push their relationship along, sometimes he still found it hard to believe that the great Scarecrow was a married man.

"Yeah, well if I hadn't been so 'overly paranoid' a few weeks ago" he flared, "she may have died."

"Lee," Billy began as he leaned forward and placed both elbows on his desk "Amanda is a good agent …"

"I know she is… it's just that…"

"Then stop looking for trouble where there is none." Billy spoke moving his hands expressively in frustration. "If she says she okay then just accept it."

"Maybe you're right. I guess I could be just a bit paranoid." He concluded finally planting himself in one of the chairs in front of Billy's desk. "Besides if it was anything serious, I'm sure Amanda would tell me."

* * *

Amanda leaned back in her chair and stretched. She had been working diligently at her computer all morning and needed a rest. Despite her husband's constant reassurance that their case files were all caught up she had her doubts. The look of his desk when she entered the Q-Bureau told her that her suspensions were correct.

After his meeting with Billy, Lee had phoned her from his car to say that he had to meet briefly with a member of the 'family' and would be back shortly. But that was almost three hours ago. Amanda sighed. This was not how she had wanted to spend her day but it was how she knew she would. His decision to go without her, she knew, was his way of keeping her out of the field just a little while longer. She didn't like it but she had learned not to fight him on it. He needed time to work through his overprotective fear of her safety in the field especially after what had happened. But as always, eventually he would settle down and everything would return to normal.

She was so lost in thought that she didn't hear Francine enter the office. "Amanda…Amanda" She jumped and turned when Francine called her name for the second time. "Don't tell me they're working you too much already," she joked.

"I'm sorry," she smiled back "I guess my mind was elsewhere."

"Apparently" Francine said moving closer to Amanda. "Well, I didn't have a chance to speak to you after the meeting this morning so I just came by to welcome you back."

"Thanks Francine." Despite the less than cordial manner in which Francine regarded Amanda in her early years with the agency, the two women had become really good friends in recent years. Francine was with Lee when he rescued Amanda from the freezer; she had waited anxiously with him at the hospital for word on her condition and had visited her friend several times during the weeks of her leave of absence.

"So where is Scarecrow?" Francine inquired leaning against his desk.

Amanda picked up some files and headed for the vault. "Oh, he had to meet with a member of his 'family.' He should be back shortly."

"Well, since he isn't back yet why don't we go out for lunch? It will give us a chance to catch up on some girl talk and the latest agency gossip."

Amanda was about to answer when Lee walked through the door carrying a bag of food. "Francine, I think I'll take a range check" she said with a smile.

"Okay but later this week." Francine walked past Lee and out the door.

"Take a range check on what?" He asked curiously closing the door behind Francine.

"Lunch" she walked over and took the bag from him and placed it on his desk.

"I'm sorry Amanda." He stated slowly. "I guess I was gone longer than I expected so I decided to pick up lunch."

"So how'd it go? How was your meeting?"

"Unproductive." He sighed and took a seat behind his desk. "He had nothing that could help me with this case." Lee's expression turned serious.

Amanda sat on the edge of his desk. "Is this the case about the doctor that was found floating in the Potomac?" She questioned.

"Yeah, Craig Sorenson, he is one of the top plastic surgeons in the country. For some reason he tried to contact me at the agency last week and I have no idea what he wanted or who killed him."

"And you have no leads?"

"None…" he stood up and walked over to the window. "He apparently had a _few_ extracurricular activities outside of his marriage that his wife was not aware of but I found nothing that would give him a reason to want to contact me or the agency."

Amanda smiled and walked over to him. "Don't worry, we'll find something."

He turned and smiled back at her. "Yes, I suppose so." Despite the fact that he was terrified for his wife's safety, it felt good having his partner back.

As Amanda predicted, her patience with her husband's overprotective attitude began to pay off. By the end of the week, Lee's resistance to her going out with him in the field began to lessen and within two weeks everything had basically returned to normal. However, normal in the Stetson household was always short lived. She was hit with the reality of just how short lived three weeks after her return when Billy walked into the Q Bureau and informed them that Adi Birol had escaped.

Page 11 of 11


	3. Chapter 2

Time to Heal Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Amanda stood staring out the window of her living room. The leaves on the trees outside swayed in the wind and some fell to the ground; kids were playing with their dogs and some were riding their bikes. It was a beautiful autumn evening. But Amanda saw none of it. Her only thoughts were on the news Billy had delivered to them only 24 hours ago - Adi Birol had escaped. His words echoed in her mind over and over.

She thought of those days nearly six years ago when she had been his captive. She remembered what it was like in that white room – the bright lights, the numerous questions, exhaustion from his sleep deprivation techniques, the drugs he gave her that caused her to hallucinate in hopes that she would reveal Nightcrawler's identity and other secrets; the…she didn't know…just everything about…_him _– his eyes, his voice, his smell. She closed her eyes to push down the nauseating feeling that rose up in her. She could hear Lee on the phone in the kitchen giving orders to the surveillance team assigned to watch the house but she also knew he was watching her closely. 'Keep it together Amanda' she told herself. Lee had enough to deal with. She didn't want him to have to worry about her too.

She thought of the discussion they had with the family the previous evening after receiving the news. The discussion she never wanted to have to have - about the agents that would be watching the house and them, about how they all needed to be cautious and to inform he or Amanda of anyone and anything that seemed suspicious, and that it was best that they stay close to home – no unnecessary outings.

Lee did most of the talking. She didn't trust herself to say too much. Then she went to put Emily to bed and left Lee to answer the more extensive questions she knew mother and Jamie had wanted to ask – Who was this Birol guy? Why would he want to harm them? How much danger were they in? How long would they have to live like this?

He told them what he could but the answers were very basic – Birol was a terrorist; he and Amanda worked on the case that helped capture and send him to prison; they were not sure that they were in any danger at all this was just a precaution; things would have to be like this until they were certain that the family was in no danger.

"But Dean's taking me to lunch on Saturday to meet a photojournalist friend of his. He says he may be able to give me some pointers. I can still go can't I?" Jamie inquired.

"I'm afraid not Sport?"

"But why not?" Jamie asked a little keyed up. "Lee, you said you're not sure if we're even in any danger. Why can't I…"

"Jamie, lunch with Dean is not what I would call a necessary risk. I'm sorry but the answer is no." Lee answered a little agitated. His eyes locked with Amanda's as she descended the stairs and he quickly looked away aware that his response was partly fueled by his dislike for Dean.

"Amanda!" Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of her name. She opened her eyes and turned to see Francine standing next to her. "Are you okay?" Francine asked a little concerned.

"Yes" she sighed. "I was just thinking…" Amanda paused unable to verbalize everything she had been thinking about.

"I understand." Francine said responding to her unspoken words. "I finished my sweep of the house. Everything seems to be in order. I also double checked all the windows and doors to make sure they are secure."

"Thanks," she answered mechanically.

Francine eyed her carefully. She knew Amanda was listening but was not sure if she really heard her.

"Are you sure you're alright. Do you need me to get something for you?"

"No, I'm fine Francine…honestly. Please don't let Lee hear you." She added quietly. "The last thing we need right now is for him to start worrying about me again."

"Sure…" Francine's response was interrupted by the doorbell.

"Excuse me." Amanda walked past Francine and opened the door. "Dean!" she said a little surprise "What are you doing here."

Dean smiled awkwardly at her. "Hi, Amanda I was wondering if I could have a word with you."

"This really isn't a good time." She glanced over her shoulder to see if Lee was nearby.

"It will only take a few minutes. It's about Jamie." He responded hastily.

"Well, okay." Amanda stepped aside to allow him entrance. "Dean, this is my friend and coworker Francine; Francine this is Dean."

"Nice to meet you," they both answered in unison.

"Jamie called me this morning," he began. "He says he wouldn't be able to go to lunch with me tomorrow."

"Yes, Dean I'm sorry…" she stated apologetically, "…a situation has occurred and I'm afraid it won't be possible for him to go tomorrow."

Dean knew how involved she had been in her kid's activities in the past and was sure he could persuade her to change her mind. "Amanda my photojournalist friend will only be in town for a couple of days and then he's off on another assignment. This guy has been all around the world. I really think it would benefit Jamie to speak to him and I think he would enjoy it. There is so much he could teach him."

"I'm sorry Dean but I don't…"

"It would only be for a couple of hours, Amanda" he pleaded, "what is so urgent that he can't get away for such a short amount of time."

"The specifics of the situation don't concern you." Lee stated as he stepped closer to Dean. Amanda hadn't realized he had entered the room. "All _you_ need to know is that Jamie will not be there." His disdain for Amanda's ex-boyfriend was unmistakable.

"Lee, nice to see you again," Dean said turning toward him. "I've known Jamie since he was a little boy and I know what a smart young man he has become," he turned back towards Amanda, "so anything I can do to assist him in his future pursuits _is _of concern to me."

"Perhaps," Lee fumed at the way Dean seemed to dismiss him, "but his _parents_ will decide what is in his best interest at this moment. That doesn't include you."

"Lee…" Amanda touched her husband's arm. She knew she needed to find a way to smother the flames that were quickly igniting. This was the last thing she needed at this moment.

"You know," Francine said stepping forward. She had watched the entire scene in silence but seeing the desperate look on Amanda's face she decided she needed to help her before this got out of hand, "I would absolutely love to hear the stories of a photojournalist who has traveled all over the world. Amanda, Lee why don't I go with Jamie tomorrow. I get to meet this fascinating man and I'll be able to keep an eye on things in case something goes wrong. That is if you wouldn't mind my intrusion." She directed her last statement at Dean.

"Oh, no I certainly wouldn't mind and my friend loves an audience especially that of a beautiful woman." Dean answered somewhat hopeful.

"I think that's a great idea don't you," Amanda said to her husband.

Lee shot Francine an annoyed look for her interference. "Fine," he said finally.

"Good, then that's settled." Francine turned to Dean, "Why don't I walk you out and you can give me all the information about tomorrow's lunch." She knew by Scarecrow's scowl that she would hear from him later.

"Sure…bye Amanda…Lee…thanks. Tell Jamie I'll see him tomorrow." Francine escorted him out.

Lee stared at the door for a moment after they had left. He ran his hands through his hair in frustration and slowly began pacing in front of her. He glanced in her direction a couple of times as if trying to decide what he wanted to say.

"Any word from Billy on Birol?" she inquired changing the subject before he had a chance to verbalize his anger. She knew where his thoughts were headed and did not want to rehash that argument – not now.

He ceased his pacing and rubbed the back of his head. "Yeah," he sighed angry with himself for allowing his jealousy to distract him. "One of the guards assigned to guard Birol was found dead this afternoon. They suspect Birol convinced him to help him escape with the promise that he would be compensated well for his troubles and then double crossed him."

Amanda walked back to the window and stared out. "Do they have any idea where Birol may be headed?"

"No." He walked up behind her and placed his arms around her shoulder. "Amanda, I promise we are going to find him."

"I know." She turned towards him and placed her head on his chest as her arms encircled his waste. They stood there for a moment and just held each other in silence. "I think I'm going to make me some hot tea, you want any."

"No, you go ahead" he said releasing his hold on her. "I'm going to go speak with Jamie and lay out some ground rules for tomorrow," he grimaced, "then I'm going to check with the surveillance team and make sure everything is okay."

"I didn't hear you come downstairs." Amanda said to her mother when she went into the kitchen.

"I'm not surprised dear; you were too busy playing referee to your husband and ex-boyfriend."

Dotty removed an apple pie from the oven and began slicing two pieces.

"Is Captain Curt coming over?" Amanda asked immediately changing the subject not wanting to discuss Lee's earlier altercation with Dean.

"Yes." Dotty replied putting on a pot of coffee. "I told him that we should probably stay in and watch a movie or something tonight rather than go out considering everything."

"Mother, I'm so sorry about all of this." Amanda walked over and took a seat at one of the stools.

"That's okay. I'm just worried about you."

"Me" Amanda was shocked.

"You haven't said much since you came home yesterday." Dotty turned towards her daughter. "Makes me wonder how much danger we are really in."

"Mother, I don't want you to worry about that." She continued reassuringly. "Besides as Lee said last night we are not even sure there is anything to worry about:"

Dotty turned to face her daughter. "Amanda dear, I'm your mother" she stated solemnly, "I know when you're scared."

* * *

_Amanda opened her eyes and glanced around the room. It was dark. Her hands immediately flew to her face and she sighed in relief when she realized he had removed that paste or whatever it was from her face. Why he had placed that stuff over her face she did not know but she found it hard to breathe with it on and had passed out. She strained to focus on her surroundings. This was not the same room she had been in previously. She was grateful. The bright lights in that room had given her a headache - the light along with the lack of sleep and food and whatever it was he had injected in her arm. He had tried to get her to reveal her connection to Scarecrow and his source, Nightcrawler, but she had refused. Lee's encouragement in her hallucinations had helped although she was sure that wasn't Birol's intention._

"_Amanda." She heard him call her name and smiled._

"_Lee" she responded. She saw him standing there before her in his jeans and leather jacket._

"_I miss you, I'm coming for you." He was smiling at her_

"_I know you are." She reached her hand out to him and touched his chest. She felt his left hand touch her face just before his lips covered hers. His right hand was moving up and down her thigh. She began to frown; something felt wrong. She was about to pull back when suddenly the door to the room flew open. She quickly turned towards the door and gasped when she saw the person standing there. "Lee?" she asked a bit confused. "Amanda, dear" she heard from the voice of the person next to her. She turned back and gasped in horror as she looked in the face of Adi Birol._

Amanda quickly set up in her bed and glanced around the room. Her breathing was erratic. She sighed and closed her eyes. It was only a dream - she was home in her own bed.

Aware of her sudden movement, her husband also rose, "Amanda what is it?" he asked out of concern.

"Nothing" she said trying to bring her breathing back under control, "what time is it?"

"Two o'clock" he said glancing at the digital clock on the nightstand. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I just need a glass of water."

"I'll get it for you." Lee turned to get out of bed.

"No" she said quickly. "I'll get it. You stay here and go back to sleep."

He watched as Amanda got out of bed and put on her robe. He knew there was something more going on than what she was saying but decided not to push it. He leaned back on his pillow as she left the room. He'll wait for her to return and then he would get some answers.

Yawning, Lee stretched his arm across the bed to reach for his wife. When he failed to touch her he stretched a little further. His eyes suddenly flew open when he realized she was not there. "Amanda," he called glancing around the room. He turned toward the clock – 3:35 – 'I must have dosed off.'

He rose from the bed and headed to their bathroom. He called her named again as he opened the door and turned on the lights but she wasn't there either. 'Emily' he thought, 'She often went to check on Emily during the night.' He put on his robe and entered the hall towards Emily's room but stopped when he heard a noise coming from the kitchen downstairs.

As he entered the kitchen he was startled to see Amanda gliding a mop across the center of the floor. There was a container of floor wax on the counter behind her.

"Amanda, what are you doing?" he asked bewildered.

She jumped at the sound of his voice. "Oh, I didn't hear you come in. I'm waxing the floor." She responded resuming her task.

"I can see that but why are you waxing the floor at this hour. You said you were going to get a glass of water."

"I know but when I got in the kitchen I decided that a warm glass of milk would be just what I needed. But as I was pouring the milk, some spilled on the floor so I had to mop it up. Then I realized the rest of the floor needed to be mopped as well. Then I thought 'why stopped there' so I decided to wax the floor also…"

Lee took a step forward and placed his hand on her arm. "Amanda, what's wrong?" he asked bringing her mopping to a halt. She hadn't rambled on this much in years.

"I don't know what you mean?" she stumbled.

"You had a nightmare didn't you…about Birol."

"No, I just…"

"Amanda, don't lie to me," he pleaded. "I know you had a nightmare about him and it wasn't the first time."

Dejected, she released her grip on the mop. "Okay, you're right. How'd you know?"

"The look on your face, the way you were shaking. I knew it had to be about him. Do you want to talk about it?"

'No' she indicated with a shake of her head.

"Then I think you should talk to Dr. Phaff."

"No Lee, I'm not going to see Dr. Phaff. I'm okay."

"No, you're not. You need to talk about this and if you won't talk to me then I think you should talk to him."

"So I had a few nightmares. Given the situation, I think I'm allowed. They'll be gone in few days, they always do. Lee, honey, I'm okay…I promise."

"Fine," he responded after a long pause. His instincts told him to insist but decided to drop it for now. "It's late. Let's go back to bed."

"You go ahead. I want to put this stuff away first. I'll be up in five minutes."

Lee eyed her suspiciously. "Five minutes?"

"Yes, five minutes I promise." She said with a quick kiss on the lips before Lee turned and headed back upstairs.

True to her word, five minutes later Amanda slid into bed and into her husband's waiting arms. But she didn't sleep. For the remainder of the night she laid in bed staring at the walls - afraid to close her eyes, afraid of returning to her nightmares, afraid of … _what?_ … She didn't know.

* * *

Amanda leaned back on the soft brown sofa and glanced around the office. She sighed as she watched Dr. Phaff take his seat across from her. She had been in his office only a few months ago and was not looking forward to rehashing her feelings again, especially not about Birol.

It had been two days since her nightmare incident. She had succeeded in convincing Lee that she was fine and did not need to see Dr. Phaff but the next night, after another nightmare and late night cleaning frenzy on the downstairs bathroom, he had insisted.

Dr. Phaff took the seat across from her and flipped open his notebook. "So Amanda," he began flashing that grin that always helped her to relax, "why don't you start by telling me the reason for your visit."

'Because my husband insisted on it although he'd rather take a bullet than come himself.' That's what she wanted to say but instead she said, "I've been having some nightmares lately … about Adi Birol."

"Oh, yes" he said leaning forward. "I heard about his escape. Are there any leads."

"No. Dr. Phaff, I don't think these dreams are anything to worry about. I'm fine, my husband just overacted."

"Yes, Scarecrow called me early this morning." He leaned back in his chair and looked at her questioningly. "Amanda is this the first time you've had nightmares about Birol since your kidnapping."

"No," she said hesitantly. "I've had a few over the years."

"How come you've never mentioned them in any of our previous sessions?"

"Because you told me years ago that I may experience anxiety from time to time and besides the nightmares never last for very long."

"Was there anything _different_ about these recent nightmares?"

Suddenly the images from her nightmare flashed in her head – the room, the cot, Lee's face, Adi Birol, his touch, his …

Dr. Phaff saw the change in her facial expression. "Amanda," he called out in an attempt to regain her attention.

"He kissed me."

"Who?"

"Birol"

"Did he ever kiss you when he held you hostage?"

"No," she stated quickly.

"Did he ever touch you inappropriately?"

"No … but sometimes … the way he looked at me … I thought …I was afraid that he would." Amanda took a deep breath and looked down at her hands. They were shaking. She had never uttered those fears, not even to her husband."

Dr. Phaff looked at her and smiled. "Amanda," he said consolingly, "I don't think you have anything to worry about."

"You don't?" she said looking up with delight. Despite her earlier words, she was obviously worried.

"No. I think Birol's escape has awakened certain fears you harbor from your previous kidnapping. You're worried that if you encounter him again that perhaps something will happen. Your fears are reflected in your dreams or nightmares. Once Birol has been caught and put back behind bars where he can't cause any harm, I'm sure the nightmares will end."

"Thank you Dr. Phaff," she breathed a sigh of relief as she rose from her seat, "thank you".

* * *

Francine stood just inside the entrance of the Arlington train station. She cursed the weather man as she watched the downpour of rain outside. "Only a 10 percent chance of rain," he had said this morning. Boy had he been wrong.

She had come to the station to meet with an informant. With Lee out of commission she had agreed to search for leads on the dead doctor who had tried to contact him. The day had been so beautiful only minutes before. There was not a cloud in the sky when she had exited her car only 20 minutes ago. Then suddenly, before she could return, the sky seemed to just open up and release all the moisture it contained. Now she was trapped and the information she gathered from the note that was passed to her wasn't even beneficial - 'gold bar' was all it said. 'What is that supposed to mean' she wondered.

"Francine?" a voice called from behind.

Francine turned to see a tall dark haired man standing behind her. "Dean!" she said surprised.

"I thought that was you." Dean said smiling. "Are you waiting for a train?

"No … uhm…I just came to meet up with a friend. The rain caught me off guard so I seem to be stuck here until it clears up. How about you, why are you here?"

"I'm taking the train into Washington to go to work." He turned toward the platform, "But it looks like I just missed it."

"You don't drive your car to work?" Francine asked hoping he had not witnessed the exchange between her and the informant.

"I do most of the time," he said turning his attention back to Francine, "but I could tell from the clouds that it was going to rain and I don't like driving my car in the rain – it ruins the paint. So I took a cab here."

Francine looked out at the rain and sighed. "Maybe if you were still the weatherman I wouldn't be stuck here."

"Then I wouldn't have this opportunity to see you and thank you for accompanying Jamie to lunch the other day."

"Oh, you're welcome." She said with a smile. "I rather enjoyed it myself. I found your friend's experiences very interesting."

"I'm just glad Jamie had the chance to meet and speak with him. Jamie has real talent. I think such contacts could boast his career considerably. Too bad Lee was too busy being a domineering jerk to realize that.

"I don't think you're being fair." Francine stated coming to her friend's defense. "Lee knows exactly how much talent Jamie has and he's not the domineering jerk you're making him out to be."

"All I know is what I saw the other night and what I see every time I see the man." Dean remarked emphatically. "I can't believe Amanda actually married someone like him. She and her kids deserve better."

Francine chuckled. "And when you say better, do you mean you?" She wondered if his words had more to do with any lingering feelings he may have for Amanda.

Dean was a little surprised by Francine's word. "No. Amanda and I have been over for years but that doesn't stop me for being concerned about her and those boys."

Francine had had enough of his attitude. "Look, no one was more surprised about Amanda and Lee's marriage than I was. I never thought he'd be happy as a suburban family man, but I was wrong. I've known Lee for a long time and yes, he can be a bit explosive at times, but believe me, Amanda can definitely hold her own. He loves her and those boys and would never do anything to hurt them. So, if anyone's being a jerk here it's you."

"Me?"

"Yes. Lee has worked very hard to build a relationship with Jamie. He's the reason Jamie even decided to apply for that job at the newspaper. Then you show up and not only does Lee have to deal with the presence of his wife's ex-boyfriend, but suddenly you've decided that you know what is best for _his_ family when the truth is you have no idea what's going on."

Dean was about to respond but Francine cut him off. "If you really care about Amanda and her boys then why don't you try backing off and stop trying to insert yourself into a family for which you have no place."

They both stared at each other for a moment. "Well…" Dean began. "You certainly have given me a lot to think about. Perhaps … you do have a point." Smiling he added, "Consider me properly chastised. I apologize for my comments about your friend."

Francine's nod conveyed her acceptance of his apology.

"Wow" he continued, "I'm impressed - bold, insightful and beautiful – not an easy combination to find in a woman these days."

Francine found herself blushing at his compliment. "Well …uhm … it looks like the rain has stopped." Realizing he was still watching her, she suddenly felt a little self-conscious about her appearance. "I guess I'd better get going."

"There is a wonderful little French bistro not far from here." Dean stated stepping into her pathway. "I'm feeling a little hungry, why don't you join me for an early lunch – my treat."

"I thought you had a train to catch."

"I actually don't have to be at the station for a few more hours so I can catch a later train."

"I really should get back to work." France stated hesitantly.

"Hey, you have to eat. Besides, it would be my way of apologizing for my hasty judgment against your friend." Seeing she was starting to waver he added, "They have some of the best chocolate desserts in the city."

"Okay, why not." She said with a smile realizing he had found her weakness.

* * *

"… three … four … five" Lee counted in unison with his daughter as he helped glide her small fingers across the Monopoly board.

"That was fun. Can I go again?"

"I'm sorry honey," Lee stated. "It's Jamie's turn to go."

"Here, you can roll for me." Jamie stated handing the dice to his little sister.

Emily's face lit up. "Okay." She quickly grabbed the dice from Jamie's hand and rolled them on the board. "One ... two ... three ... FOUR ..." She shouted as she counted the black dots on the two dice.

Amanda smiled as she watched Emily's excitement. It had been a long time since they had all enjoyed a family fun night of playing games. Everyone had just become too busy. As the boys got older, they had their own friends and interest to occupy their time, mother had Captain Curt and she and Lee had the agency. No wonder Emily was so thrilled at having the attention of all her family at once. She took solace in that at least one good thing came out of this horrid situation.

The Birol ordeal proved to be a source of problems not only for the Stetson family but was a source of commotion within the neighborhood. A few days after his escape, Mrs. Henley quietly approached Lee and asked if he had noticed the van that had been parked across the street for the past couple of nights. She was convinced that they were involved in some criminal activity and wanted to call the police.

Backed into a corner, Lee had no choice but to tell Mrs. Henley the truth. After first making her promise not to tell anyone what he was about to say, he confided in her that the men in the van were actually a television crew doing a documentary on American neighborhoods.

This news proved to be very exciting to her especially after Lee told her that, as the heart of the neighborhood, they planned to interview her as the neighborhood's representative.

Lee's fabricated story kept Mrs. Henley from calling the police. However, despite her promise not to discuss this with anyone, she decided she had to have a talk with some in the neighbor – those whose conduct she perceived could prove to be an embarrassment to the neighborhood, and she would not be embarrassed.

One such person was Debbie, the very provocative aerobics instructor. Instead of being insulted about Mrs. Henley's warning, she was thankful for what she perceived as an opportunity to get on camera. She expressed these thoughts to Amanda when she came by the house the following day to inquire about an interview.

"Well, maybe I should speak to Mr. Stetson," she said when Amanda told her that an interview wouldn't be possible. "I'm sure he'll see things my way."

"I'm sorry, he's not home at the moment but I'll be sure to tell him you stopped by." Amanda responded with a shrewd smile before closing the door in the insufferable woman's face.

She was so engrossed in her thoughts and watching the interactions of her family that she hadn't realized the phone had rung until she heard Lee say Billy's name. Her eyes quickly turned towards her husband.

"Okay, give me a moment." She heard him say as his eyes locked on hers. Taking the receiver from his ear, he told her he was going to take the call upstairs. She nodded to acknowledge her understanding as he handed her the receiver and swiftly made his way up the stairs. He had a smile on his face but it didn't quite make it to his eyes. She knew something was wrong.

"Hello Sir, how are you." she said speaking into the receiver, "Lee will be with you in a moment. He should be picking up the receiver upstairs any moment now."

"Thank you, Amanda," her boss responded.

She waited until she heard Lee pick up the receiver from the phone in their bedroom before hanging up. She stood there for a moment staring at the phone wondering what news Billy had to offer.

"Mommy, it's your turn," she heard Emily say. She turned back towards her family and returned to her place at the game table. With a smile she picked up the dice, rolled a seven and cheerfully glided her thimble across the board. But her heart and mind was no longer on the game.

Amanda listened in silence as her family continued playing. Lee had only been upstairs for about five minutes but it seemed much longer. No longer able to contain herself, she excused herself and headed upstairs.

She slowly turned the knob of the bedroom door. Lee was standing on the other side of the room with his back to her. She closed the door behind her and waited as he concluded the conversation. "Okay Billy, make the arrangements. Yeah, I'll tell her. Thanks."

"Tell me what?" Amanda asked as Lee hung up the phone.

He jumped at the sound of her voice. "You know Amanda you are getting too good at sneaking up on me."

"It only happens when you are extremely distracted. What did Billy say?"

Lee held his right hand out to her motioning for her to come closer. "Come on, let's sit down. We need to talk." She took his hand and followed him over to the edge of the bed.

"Lee what is it? Is it Birol? Did they capture him? Did he get away? Did he leave the country? Are there any new leads?"

His head was swimming at her onslaught of questions. He knew she only talked like this when she was nervous or excited or scared. "It is about Birol, but no honey, we do not know where he is?"

"Then, what is it? Lee what's wrong?" she asked solemnly not quite sure if she really wanted to know.

He took a deep breath and squeezed her hand before continuing. "Magda Petroff was killed by a car bomb this morning. Her sister, Myra, has gone in hiding."

Page 12 of 12


	4. Chapter 3

Tome to Heal Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"Mommy, is this our new home?" Emily asked as she jumped up and down on the bed.

After Magda's death, Lee and Amanda decided it would be best to move the entire family to an agency 'safe house.' The one chosen was a large two story cabin in the Virginia countryside. The cabin's secluded location and strategic design makes it easy to view approaching enemies and easy to defend. It was previously owned by Lee's mentor and the agency's founder, Harry Thornton, but was willed to the agency following his death three years ago.

"No honey," Amanda answered her daughter while dusting the dresser, "this is only temporary."

Emily stopped jumping and dropped to her knees on the bed. "What's temp…"

"Temporary." Amanda finished her daughter's words. "That means we won't be here long. Just think of it as a little vacation."

"You said we could go to the beach for vacation."

Amanda stopped dusting and sat on the bed next to her daughter. "I know honey," she said pulling her daughter onto her lap, "but right now we need to be here. We can go to the beach next time."

"You promise?"

Amanda put her forehead against her daughter's and stared into her deep hazel eyes. "Yes, I promise." She said with a smile. "Now go downstairs to the kitchen and see if your grandmother has your lunch ready."

Emily slid off her mother's lap onto the floor. "Okay," she yelled as she ran from the bedroom.

Amanda stood and glanced around the room. Satisfied that she had cleaned as much as she could, she went in search of another room to clean. When she reached the stairs she paused. In the bedroom across the hall, she caught a glimpse of Jamie lying on the bed. The earphones on his ears were attached to a small transistor radio and he was flipping through a magazine about cameras.

She knew he wasn't happy about being at the 'safe house.' Things had been going well for him at school and at the newspaper. Now, he was worried about losing his job at the paper and missing out on his senior year's activities.

Amanda sighed as she walked down the stairs. She wondered about how this situation was affecting her family. Were they all paying for the life that she and Lee had chosen?

When she reached the bottom of the stairs, she could hear Lee giving instructions to some fellow agents on the security detail. She turned down the hall in the opposite direction and entered the small library in the back of the house.

The room's hardwood floor and shelves gave it an exquisite antique look that was quite breathtaking. Pleased that no one was in the room, she began dusting. One good thing about being at the 'safe house' was that she had more rooms to clean. Cleaning gave her something else to focus on besides Birol and helped her to not worry so much about the nightmares and her family; and she had already cleaned every room in their home several times.

"I wish my wife could clean our house half as well as you, then maybe I wouldn't have to spend money on a maid."

"What?" She turned toward the voice that had just startled her. "Dr. Phaff … what are you doing here?"

"You were scheduled for a following up session today."

"Oh! I'm sorry … with everything going on I guess I just forgot."

"I heard what happened. I didn't expect you to come by my office today. Billy told me he was coming here so I hitched a ride over with him." Dr. Phaff walked over to one of the chairs and sat down. "So how is your family handling the situation?"

"Very well considering their lives has been turned upside down once again." Amanda put her dusting rag on the coffee table and took a seat on the couch opposite him. "But at least they are all here and safe - well except Phillip."

"Phillip isn't here with the rest of the family?"

"No. He didn't want to leave school so Lee gave in and agreed to let him stay and assigned a couple of agents to him.

"But you didn't agree with his decision?" he asked sensing a hint of uncertainty in her voice.

"I'm a mother. I prefer to have all my kids here, where I know they're safe. But Jamie is already unhappy and forcing Phillip to be here too would have only added more fuel to the fire; therefore, I guess it was the right decision."

"Amanda, how are you dealing with all this? Are you still having nightmares?"

"I wish I could say no but I can't and until Birol is caught I'm afraid they will continue."

"Has anything changed about the nightmares?"

"No, they're all the same. I'm on the cot in the dark room, Lee is there, and Birol and then I wake up." She exhaled sharply. Just thinking about the nightmares was exhausting.

"Amanda," he began slowly, "I was reviewing my notes in your file on our sessions after you were rescued six years ago. You never talked about this 'dark room' from your nightmares."

"I had to. It was the room I was in when Birol brought Lee in to me. Where I was when I was rescued."

Dr. Phaff flipped through the notebook he carried and stopped at one of the pages. "You stated back then that _'after Birol put the paste on my face to mold the mask, I lost consciousness and woke up just as Birol pushed Lee through the door.'"_

"Yes, that's right."

"Well, when considering the amount of time it would have taken for the mold to harden and the approximate time Lee stated he and Francine arrived at the house and he discovered Mara and was captured then brought to you, we're talking approximately fifteen hours. You don't recollect anything that took place within that period."

"No." She shrugged her shoulders uncertainly, "Like I said I was unconscious."

* * *

"Ok, don't forget I want to see you again next week." Dr. Phaff said to the young agent leaving his office.

He quickly wrote his final thoughts on the agent's progress and closed the folder. He gathered the stack of files from his desk and headed to the file cabinet. It had been a long day, it was late and he was anxious to finally get out of there. He picked up the last file and stopped when he read the name – Amanda King Stetson.

He thought about their discussion earlier that day. Something about her case nagged at him. He took the file back to his desk and sat down. Reading through his notes from their most recent sessions he compared them to the ones from six years ago. Finally, he took his pen and entered a new assessment in her file.

He leaned back in his chair to contemplate what he had written. 'Could this be right' he thought. He reached for the phone and sighed as he dialed. The line seemed to have rung forever. He was about to hang up when someone finally answered.

"Dr. Parker!" stated the voice on the other end.

"Hello Janet … it's me."

"It's been a long time," she said with a smile. "To what do I owe this pleasure?"

"I need your expert opinion one on a case involving one on our agents …," he stated as he slowly circled the last entry he wrote regarding his assessment in the file for Amanda King Stetson: 'Repression'.

* * *

Amanda walked around the large back yard of the safe house for the third time. She was exhausted but her mind wouldn't let her body rest. They were filled with too many thoughts, too many worries about Birol – where was he, what was he planning to do, what he had _done_.

Her thoughts suddenly went to her last session with Dr. Phaff. '_Why were her nightmares focused around that room? What was it all about? She didn't talk about the room years ago because there was nothing to talk about. She had been unconscious until Lee arrived. She disclosed everything that took place after that time; well except what transpired between her and Lee. Their relationship was a secret so she certainly couldn't tell anyone that he proposed.' _She smiled at that memory - the one good thing about that entire ordeal.

She knew she shouldn't be outside but she needed some fresh air. Besides there were several agents nearby and she knew Lee was watching as well. She didn't see him but she knew her husband. Feeling a little tired she finally took a seat on a small wooden bench. After a few minutes she looked up to find her husband standing over her.

"Hi," he said as he sat beside her. He had spent the last thirty minutes watching her pace around the yard. He was a little upset with her for being out in the open, exposed, making herself an easy target for Birol, but he was more worried about her. "Enjoyed your walk?"

She could hear the tension in his voice when he spoke. "Lee I know I shouldn't be out here but I needed some fresh air and besides this place is crawling with agents," she said justifying her actions to him the same as she had done to herself.

"Amanda, we don't know where Birol is, what he is up to or who he has working with him. I'd rather you not take any chances. We don't want the rest of the family wandering outside as well. It's best that everyone remain safely together inside the house."

"Everyone except Phillip...?" The words came out before she knew it and she immediately regretted saying them.

Lee was a little taken back by her comments. "Amanda, I thought we both agreed that Phillip should stay in school but if you prefer, I could have him flown here immediately."

"No!" she stated quickly. "I'm sorry … I don't know why I said that. I'm just a little on edge lately with everything that's happened. I didn't mean to take it out on you. She laughed faintly, "I guess I'm acting worse than the kids."

He took her hand in his and smiled at her reassuringly. "It's to be expected especially with the lack of sleep. You want to talk about it?"

"About what...?"

"Why you can't sleep?"

"A vicious terrorist has escaped from prison and is gunning for me and my family. Need I say more?"

"Amanda, I know it's more than that."

She opened her mouth to speak then stopped. She knew he was referring to her nightmares. She knew she should tell him about them. She wanted to tell him … but, she couldn't. "I was just thinking about the first time I met Magda," she stated finally. "She looked so much like Francine. Then you brought her to my house. I criticized her for constantly asking for coffee and for what she said to mother and Philip. I said I never met anyone so thoughtless and rude. I wanted to throw her out of my house, yet … _she saved my life" _she stated solemnly. Tears were streaming down her cheeks. "She saved my life and it cost her her life."

"Amanda listen to me," he turned her towards him. "You can't blame yourself for what happened. Magda's death isn't your fault."

"Lee, without her help … without her agreeing to reenter Birol's life … you wouldn't have been able to rescue me and she wouldn't have been a target for Birol."

"Magda helped save you because she knew she owed you that. You had every right to want Magda out of your house that day; however, you helped her defect and helped save her life first."

"Oh yes I remember now," she snickered. "I accidentally drove my car into a ditch and cowered under some bleachers while you swooped down in a helicopter and saved us both. She, on the other hand, willingly agreed to reconnect with a madman and gain his trust by sharing his …_bed_," she said with disgust. "How do you even compare the two?" She quickly pulled away from him and walked away.

He hurried after her and stepped in her path. "Amanda, it wasn't a competition. You both did what was required of you and you helped each other." He raised his hands to her tear stained face and looked into her eyes. "The only one responsible for what happened to Magda is Birol … not you."

She stepped into his embrace. "I know," she sighed. "It's just that …"

"Mr. Stetson!"

They both turned towards the young agent that hurried towards them. "Mr. Stetson, Mr. Melrose is on the phone for the two of you. He says it's urgent."

Lee took his wife's hand and they ran across the lawn. "Here they are …" a second agent stated into the phone as they approached. Lee snatched the receiver out of the agent's hands before he could finish.

"Billy, this is Scarecrow." Amanda stood back and tried not to think about the meaning of his call. "What? … Are you sure?" He turned and stared at his wife. "Yes, I'll tell her … Thanks."

Amanda watched as her husband hung up the phone. His eyes never left hers. "What's happened?" she questioned terrified of the answer. Her voice was shaky and her heart pounding.

"Birol was spotted this afternoon in New York trying to board a freight plane out of the country."

"Did they get him?"

He took a couple of steps toward her. "Yeah," he stated quietly moving his head up and down. "He fired on them … so they shot him … he's dead."

"What?" She couldn't believe what she'd just heard. "It's over?"

He pulled her into his arms. "Yes … it's over."

She lowered her head to his chest as the tears streamed down her face. "It's over!" she uttered one last time.

* * *

Francine sat on the couch in the Q-Bureau watching Amanda pace across the floor – a habit she obviously acquired from her husband. "I guess it's true what they say – if you're married to someone long enough you start to act like them."

"What?"

"Amanda dear, burning a hole through the floor is not going to make the phone ring any faster."

"I just can't sit here Francine. I don't understand what's taking so long. Lee and Billy flew to New York early this morning. They should have had time to review the body by now. He said he would call."

"Amanda, these things take time. There must have been some paperwork to review and complete, interviews with the agents involved with Birol's shooting and discussions on where he was headed and who must have been aiding him."

"It only takes five minutes to call and give an update. No, something must be wrong. Maybe, they made a mistake and Birol isn't dead, or maybe it wasn't him at all or maybe …" She stopped her rambling in midsentence when she heard the phone ring.

"Hello … Lee…" she stated as she quickly grabbed the receiver. "Oh! Hello Dean," she sighed obviously disappointed. "Yes, it has been awhile … Dean it's nice to hear from you too, but this really isn't a good … _Oh_!" she said in surprise. "Yeah, she's here," Amanda turned to look at Francine who was pretending to flip through a magazine. "Hold on … Francine, it's for you."

"Me?" She questioned, feigning surprise. She walked over to Amanda's desk and picked up the receiver. "Dean … hello …" She watched as Amanda took a seat behind her desk and turned her back to avoid Amanda's puzzled stare.

"Yes," she said with a chuckle, "I had a good time too. Tonight … no, I have no plans … yes, that would be nice … I may have to leave the studio a little late tonight. How about I meet you there ... yes 7:30, see you tonight."

Francine hung up the phone and took a deep breath before turning around. "Amanda, I'm sure Lee and Billy will be calling shortly." She stated returning to their original conversation as she walked towards the door.

"Freeze, Desmond." Amanda yelled as she leaned back in her chair. "Where do you think you're going?"

"Oh, I thought I'd go downstairs and make sure they didn't call and leave a message with the receptionist."

Amanda shook her head. "No, I'm sure there is no message downstairs so why don't you just tell me when you Dean became so close and what you're doing tonight."

"Oh, you mean the phone call? Well there really isn't much to tell."

"Ok Francine." Amanda reached for the phone. "If you won't tell me maybe Dean will."

Francine walked back to the couch and sat down. "Ok Fine! I ran into Dean at the train station a few days ago. We talked and went to a little café for coffee. We met for lunch yesterday and he has the night off and tickets to the ballet so he asked if I'd join him. See, no big deal."

Amanda smiled at the nonchalant manner in which Francine recounted her meetings with Dean. "I don't know; three dates in one week. It seems like a big deal to me."

"They weren't dates, she quickly responded. "I wouldn't' date him. He dated you, for heavens-sake."

"Should I be offended?"

"I didn't mean it like that." Francine stood and walked across the room. "I just meant that there is a possibility that Dean is still pinning for you and I refuse to be the consolation prize to his broken heart."

"Francine, Dean isn't pinning for me. Sure, he hangs around the house more than he should but that's more about the boys than anything else. He always wanted a family and I guess spending time with the boys helps to fill that void. Any feelings between Dean and I ended a long time ago."

"Yeah, that's right you dumped him. If you didn't want him what makes you think I would?"

"My relationship with Dean didn't work for several reasons but that has nothing to do with the two of you. Besides he's changed quite a bit since we were together."

"Yeah, now he's just a regular little playboy. He's been connected with nearly every model and socialite in the area."

"Francine I don't think Dean's playboy title is as actuate as everyone may think. He's a nice caring guy. And remember even playboys can change."

"Amanda, Dean isn't Lee."

"And he isn't Jonathan."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It seems to me that you're looking for reasons not to get involved with Dean."

"No, I'm just being practical."

"Francine, don't let what Jonathan did cause you to close off your heart to all future possibilities."

As Francine was about to respond, the door to the Q-Bureau opened. "Lee," Amanda called out as she rushed to her husband. "What are you doing here? I thought you were still in New York."

"We finished early so we took an early flight back. I wanted to tell you in person."

"Tell me what? What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong. Birol is dead." He took a deep breathe. "It's really over."

Amanda threw her arms around his neck, "Oh Lee, I was so afraid that they made a mistake that it wasn't him."

"I know but you don't have to worry anymore. Our family is safe."

"That's wonderful news Lee," Francine said finally. "Well, I have a couple of reports to complete so I'm going to leave the two of you to talk."

"Francine, maybe we could continue our conversation another time."

"Yeah … maybe" she said to Amanda as she closed the door behind her.

"What was that about?" Lee questioned curiously.

"I'll tell you later. Right now I want to hear more about what happened with Birol. How'd they find him?"

Lee took a deep breath and leaned against his desk. "One of the agents in the New York office received an anonymous tip that Birol was spotted around one of the hangers at JFK. Apparently he was scheduled to board a plane headed to Moscow."

"Any ideal who made the call?"

"No, they think it was one of Birol's associates whom may have decided that it was in his best interest to get rid of him"

"Why would Birol choose JFK to leave from? It's one of the largest airports in world. Surely, the chance of him being spotted was greater."

"Maybe he didn't think we would be looking in our own backyard. I don't know. There are still some things they are trying to sort through. I'm just grateful that he did." He raised his right hand to his wife's face and stroked her cheek. "His arrogant mistake cost him his life but gave us back ours."

"I guess you're right,' she said with a smile. "Now our family can get back to living a normal life."

Page 9 of 9


	5. Chapter 4

Time to Heal Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Amanda lounged on the couch in the family room wrapped in her husband's arms. One of her mother's Cary Grant's movies played on the television. Which one - didn't really matter since they weren't really paying attention anyway. It just felt so good to be there together without fear that someone was out there looking to harm their family.

It had been a long time since they were able to spend some time alone. It was Thursday evening and for the first time in a long time the house was empty. Mother and Captain Curt had gone out to dinner and to a movie; Jamie was spending a long much deserved weekend with Phillip – a reward for his patience during the Birol ordeal; and Emily was spending the night with Francine.

At first, Amanda had said no to Francine's offer - what did she know about kids? But Francine had insisted. "After what the two of you have been through this past week you need this time alone," she had said. Feeling the need for some alone time, they finally agreed to take her up on her offer although Amanda wondered if Francine's sudden burst of motherly instincts had to do with what she had said about Dean's desire for a family. Perhaps, she wanted more from this relationship than she cared to admit.

"A penny for your thoughts," Lee said sensing that, like him, his wife's thoughts were not on the movie.

"I was just thinking about how nice it feels to be here with you … like this. It's been so long."

"I know. I've missed you too." Pulling her hair away from her shoulders he lowered his head to her neck and kissed it.

"You think we should call Francine and make sure everything's going okay."

"No. We've already called three times. I think she's starting to think we don't trust her."

She smiled at the sensation her body felt from another lingering kiss on her neck. "Francine knows designers, not four year old little girls. "I just want to make sure she's not over her head."

He moved her sweater slightly off her shoulders and began kissing it as well. "Well, we've got two choices," he stated between kisses. "We could spend the night worrying about Francine and Emily or we could enjoy the time we have together – alone. You choose."

Turning to face him she placed her left hand behind his head and pulled his lips to hers, providing an answer to his question. After a few moments, she turned her body completely towards him and moved both hands around his neck and up through his hair deepening their kiss. His hands slowly roamed over her back then around her stomach and up under her sweater. She moaned in pleasure at the feel of his hands on her bare skin. Their lips parted briefly as he quickly removed her sweater above her head.

"Lee, honey" she said finally as his lips moved again to her neck. "Maybe we should take this upstairs. We wouldn't want mother to come home to a surprise."

"Yeah … I guess you're right' he responded breathlessly bringing his kisses to a halt." He held on to her hand as she stood and headed upstairs. He didn't want to let her go. It had been so long.

Still holding her hand, he followed her into their bedroom. Shutting the door behind him, he pulled her into his arms and kissed her tenderly then led her to the bed. Their eyes never parted as she sat on the bed and eased her body backward. He quickly removed his own shirt and lowered himself on top of her.

Their kiss was long and sensuous. He loved the way she smelled, the way she tasted, the way she felt. He missed them – missed this. He moved his lips away from hers and began trailing kisses along her face and neck. He moved his hands along her thigh and along the inseam of her jeans.

Suddenly Amanda began to frown, something was wrong. Those hands – that touch - it wasn't her husband's. Someone else was there. She quickly opened her eyes. There was no one else there … yet … she could feel him. His hands were on her legs, touching her. Her breathing began to accelerate. She was frightened.

"Amanda," Lee moaned but it wasn't her husband's voice she heard. It was … _him_. Why was she hearing him?

"Lee," her voice trembled. She pushed at him slightly but he didn't budge. He mistook the frightened call of his name for one of pleasure and increased the movement along her thighs. "Stop," she whispered. She pushed at him with no success. "Lee." Her breathing became more erratic. "No." Tears trailed down her cheeks. "Lee" her voice became louder. "STOP" she screamed finally.

He moved off her quickly, afraid that he had hurt her somehow. "Amanda, what's wrong?" he said in confusion.

She sat up on the bed breathing hard. "Birol … he's here."

He looked at her suspiciously. "Amanda dear," he began his voice soft, "Birol is dead."

"I know, it's just …" She didn't know what to say. She didn't understand what was wrong – what had happened. Was she losing her mind? She couldn't look at him.

"Amanda, what …" He reached for her but she moved away. She didn't want to be touched.

"There's nothing's wrong," she lied. "I guess I'm just more tired than I thought."

"Amanda"

"I have to go downstairs." She moved off the bed and headed for the door. "I … ump … need some water."

"Amanda, wait."

"I'll be back." She was out the door before he could stop her.

* * *

Lee was just getting out of the shower when he heard Francine dropping Emily off on her way to the office. As Lee descended the stairs he could hear Emily's excited voice as she told her mother about her night with Francine. 'Well' he thought, 'it seems like she had a good time.'

He stood in the kitchen door watching them for a second. Amanda was very animated. She said the 'reallys' and 'wows' to Emily's statements on cue; as if last night had never happened. When Emily realized he was there, she quickly turned her attention to him and began recounting everything again for his benefit.

"Daddy, look what aunt Francine gave me." She picked up a book off the counter and quickly handed it to him.

"Wow, what do you know," he said flipping through the pages, "a fashion coloring book!"

"Emily honey, daddy and I have to go to work now. Why don't you take all your stuff upstairs and show grandma." She grabbed the book from her dad, picked up a small bag of goodies and headed for the stairs.

"Your coffee's on the counter there," she said when they were finally alone. "I would have cooked some breakfast but I knew you wouldn't eat it.

'She didn't try to get me to eat breakfast, that's not good,' he thought.

Amanda had returned to their bedroom the night before. Lee tried to get her to talk about what had happened but she claimed that she was fine, just a little tired.

"Amanda, dear you are not fine – you're shaking." He had reached for her but she pulled away again refusing to open up.

"I'm okay," she insisted. She then changed into her night gown and got in bed.

Though she moved very little during the night he knew she didn't sleep. He thought of pushing the issue further but he knew how stubborn his wife could be at times. So he decided to wait until morning.

"Amanda," he walked towards her and reached for her hand, "we need to talk about last night."

She moved to the other end of the counter and picked up her purse. "We don't have time right now. If we don't hurry we're going to be late for 'roll call' and you know how Billy hates that." Again she walked out the door before he could stop her. After a few sips of coffee he followed her out to the car.

They drove to the agency in silence. Amanda spent the entire drive reading over a case file but she was aware that her husband's eyes were constantly on her. Despite her seeming preoccupation with the file, the truth was she never got past the first line. She couldn't concentrate. The same was true during roll call. She stared straight ahead and faked interest in what was said but she didn't hear a word.

Lee watched his wife closely during the drive to the agency and during roll call. Despite her feigned interest he knew her mind wasn't on it. He was worried about her. He was also a little taken back by her actions. Not only had she refused to open up to him but she wouldn't look at him or let him touch her.

When 'roll call' finally adjourned Amanda bolted for the door. Lee went after her.

"Amanda," he called out to her as she walked down the hall towards the elevator. She stopped and waited for him to catch up. "Where are you going?"

"The Q-Bureau. I have some research to do on that case I was reading over this morning and I wanted to get started right away."

"Okay, I have a meeting with Billy right now. But afterwards I'll meet you up there so we can discuss last night."

"Okay," she said simply faking a smile.

She watched as he disappeared down the hall towards Billy office then she turned in the opposite direction away from the Q-Bureau.

* * *

Dr. Phaff stood in the back of the room during roll call sipping a cup of black coffee. He had been working late the last few nights and was quite tired. As he stretched his neck to ward off this sleepy feeling, his eyes fell on Amanda Stetson. She looked tired and though she seemed very attentive to what was being said he could tell something was wrong – her mind wasn't there. His suspicions were confirmed by the way her husband kept watching her. Therefore, he was not surprised when he walked in his office and found her waiting for him.

"Dr. Phaff." Amanda stood up and walked towards him. "I know we didn't have an appointment today but I was wondering if you have a few minutes. I really need to talk to you."

"Yes, I have some time." He closed the door to his office and motioned for her to have a seat. "Actually, I anticipated you may stop by today," he said as he took a seat behind his desk.

"What?"

"I saw you at 'roll call' this morning. I could see something was bothering you. So, tell me what's wrong?"

She looked down at her hands as she began to speak. "I thought you said this would all end when Birol was caught. He's dead," she looked up at him, "so why is he still invading my thoughts."

"You had another nightmare about Birol?"

"Well, not exactly." She recounted the events of her evening with Lee.

Dr. Phaff leaned back in his chair watching her as she spoke. "Well, I can see why you're so concerned," he stated when she finished speaking. "Has anything like this every happened before?"

"No."

"Did you tell Lee about any of this?"

"Not really. I told him something about Birol being there. He must have thought I was crazy," she laughed. "I don't know … maybe I am crazy … that's how I feel."

"You're not crazy."

"Then why is this happening. I don't understand, I thought this would all be over."

Dr. Phaff leaned forward in his chair and looked at her. "Amanda when I insinuated that your nightmares would end when Birol was caught, it was under the assumption they were occurring because of your fear of the threat that he presented to you and your family," he took a deep breath before he continued "but what if they're not."

"What … what do you mean?"

"What if they're not just nightmares?"

"What else could they be?"

"Maybe they're memories."

"Memories?" Amanda stood and looked at him in disbelief. "No!" She ran her hands through her hair and moved to the back of the chair she'd been sitting in. "That's not possible. There's no ways those things ever happened. I mean, I would … I would know."

"Okay, okay calm down," he said as he walked around his desk towards her. "Let's have a seat."

Amanda returned to her seat while Dr. Phaff leaned against his desk in front of her.

"Have you been sleeping lately?"

"I … I've tried but …" she wiped the tear that had fallen down her cheek.

"But you're afraid of the nightmares."

Unable to speak at the moment, she answered by moving her head up and down as a few more tears began to fall.

"Amanda, you're exhausted. Your mind and body are working overtime to keep you going while still trying to process what is happening. Until you get some rest … until you get some sleep you – we won't be able to determine what is going on."

"I'm not sure I know how to do that anymore."

"I have something I think could help." He walked around his desk and opened the top drawer. He removed a small container from it and extended to her.

"What's this?"

"Sleeping pills. It's a low dosage form of the drug we administer to agents experiencing posttraumatic stress disorder.

"Is it safe?"

"Yes, it won't harm you but it should help you to relax and sleep."

She stared at the container in his hands still unsure if she should take the pills.

"Amanda if you really want to put an end to the nightmares, if you want to understand what's going on with you, you need to get some sleep."

Hesitantly she took the container from his hands.

After Amanda had left his office, Dr. Phaff sat at his desk contemplating what they had discussed. A few minutes later he picked up the phone and dialed. "Hello, it's me," he stated when the person on the other line answered, "About the case we discussed the other night – I think I'm right."

* * *

The meeting in Billy's office went on longer than Lee anticipated. Despite their hard work, neither he nor Francine had been able to turn up any solid leads on the case of Lee's mysterious plastic surgeon and Billy wanted the case closed. Lee argued that he hadn't been able to devote much time to the case because of the Birol situation and just needed a few more weeks. In the end Billy gave them a choice: present something concrete to him by the end of the day or have the finished report of the case on his desk.

After leaving Billy's office, he and Francine had sat at her desk searching the file for anything out of the ordinary that they may have missed. The only thing that stood out was 'gold bar' but what did that mean? Was it some type of candy bar or some new drug they didn't know?

When they finally looked at the time it was nearly 12:30 pm. Lee hadn't realized how much time had passed. Neither did Francine apparently for she quickly grabbed her coat and purse and said she had go – something about being late for a lunch date. Actually Lee was quite grateful. He needed to get back to Amanda.

On his way to the Q-Bureau Lee thought about how best to approach the conversation about last night. He had to find a way to get her to talk to him. He also thought about the file she was researching. What case had Billy given her to work on and again without him? If it was dangerous he was going to have to insist that she turn it down. After everything, he needed to know she was safe for a little while. Actually, he wanted her to take a desk job but that was an argument for another time.

He entered the Q-Bureau three minutes later only to find Amanda wasn't there. On his desk was a brief note:

_I wasn't feeling well so I went home. See you later. Amanda_

His first instinct was to go home to check on her then he remembered the case. He needed a lead or report for Billy by the end of the day. He decided to stay and work. Hopefully, he thought, she'll be able to get some rest and be ready to talk when he got home later.

* * *

"Amanda dear is that you?" Dotty yelled out when she heard the door open. She was sitting in the family room folding laundry and watching a show about wedding planning.

"Yes mother it's me." Amanda answered walking into the room.

"You're home early."

"Yeah, I was a little tired and couldn't concentrate so I decided to take the rest the day off."

"Good. I think you need to take at least a week off to recuperate from everything's that's happened this past couple of weeks. You haven't been yourself lately."

"Where's Emily?" She had to find a way to steer the conversation away from her. She couldn't have this conversation with her mother right now.

"I sent her to her room for a nap. She had been talking nonstop about Francine all morning. I finally had enough and decided we both needed a break." They both laughed.

"So, how was your date with Captain Curt?"

"Our evening was wonderful. We went to dinner and instead of going to a movie, we walked along the beach and talked for hours."

"That's great mother."

"Yes, but apparently it still wasn't as great as your evening."

"What do you mean?" Amanda asked bewildered.

Dotty picked up a sweater from the laundry basket and handed it to Amanda. "Emily found your sweater on the floor next to the couch."

"Oh, NO!" Amanda screamed bringing her hands to her cheeks in horror.

"Don't worry, I told her you must have dropped it on your way to the laundry room.

"Thank you mother."

"You're welcome. I'm just glad you and Lee had such a good time."

"Yeah," Amanda responded remembering how the evening really ended. "Mother, like I said I'm feeling a little tired so I'm going upstairs for a nap."

"Okay dear and don't worry, I'll take care of dinner."

* * *

Lee knocked on the door to Billy's office and turned the knob to enter without waiting for a response. Having finally come to grips that the surgeon case was cold, he decided it was best to write the report closing the case. It was almost 5:00 and he needed to get home.

"Billy, I have the report on time as you requested," he said as he walked into Billy's office. Billy was leaning in his chair behind his desk. He stopped midway when he realized Dr. Phaff was sitting on Billy's couch. "Oh … I'm sorry. I thought you were alone."

"That's fine Lee. Why don't you close the door and have a seat. What we're discussing affects you as well."

Lee walked back to the door and after closing it took seat in one of the chairs across from Billy's desk. "So what's this about," he asked rather curious.

Billy folded his hands on his desk and looked at Lee. "I've decided to temporarily take Amanda off field duty."

"WHAT?" Lee yelled sitting up straight in his chair.

Billy held up his hand. "Wait Lee, it's only temporary."

"Billy, what's this all about?" He had to admit that a small part of him was a little relieved to hear this. Having Amanda away from all the danger was what he'd wanted but he wanted it to be on her terms. No agent wanted to be forced to take a desk job.

"I think it's for the best especially considering everything she's going through right now."

Lee stood up and walked behind his chair. "And just what do you know about what she's going through."

"Lee, Amanda came to see me this morning." Dr. Phaff spoke finally.

"What?" Lee questioned in surprise. "She didn't tell me she was …"

"Yes, I know." He paused before continuing. "She told me about last night … about Birol."

Lee narrowed his eyes as he scowled at Dr. Phaff a little angry at the fact that he seemed to know more about what was happening with his wife than he did. "Oh and you just couldn't wait to run and tell Billy. I thought the things she told you were private."

"Lee, I'm Amanda's superior," Billy yelled, "and you know that Dr. Phaff is obligated to discuss anything with me that could affect how one of my agents performs in the field."

"Okay fine. But you know she really didn't think Birol was there last night. She's just tired and you said yourself she's been through a lot lately."

"Yes, we know."

"Then I don't understand …" he stopped suddenly as he noticed a look - an exchange between the other two gentlemen. "What a minute something else is going on here. What aren't you telling me?"

Dr. Phaff glanced at Billy and sighed before speaking. "There is a possibility that Amanda is experiencing repressed memories."

"What?"

"Scarecrow, it's not uncommon for the mind to sometimes push or repress painful or traumatic events into some inaccessible corner of the unconscious. These memories may begin to resurface to the conscious some months or even years later through dreams or other forms. I think that's what Amanda is experiencing now with her nightmares."

Lee ran his left hand through his hair in frustration. "That doesn't make any sense." He responded through clinched teeth as he tracked across the room. "Her nightmares are about Birol and she disclosed long ago everything that happened back then. What else could have happened that was so painful that …" Lee stopped in mid thought. He looked from Billy to Dr. Phaff suddenly aware of what they were thinking. He shook his head in disbelief, "No!"

"Scarecrow … listen …" Billy knew this would be difficult.

"No Billy he's wrong." Lee yelled. "There is no way that happened. I would know. She would have told me." He added his voice down to a whisper.

"Not if she didn't remember." Dr. Phaff needed him to understand what they were dealing with. "Listen, you're Amanda's husband which is the only reason I'm discussing this with you. If I'm wrong … then great! The nightmares will eventually end and she can get on with her life. But if I'm right, if these are repressed memories then she has a bumpy ride ahead of her and she's going to need you."

* * *

Lee sat in his silver corvette outside his home trying to decide if he was ready to enter. He had been sitting there for ten minutes contemplating what had been said in Billy's office. It was too bizarre too ridiculous - or was it.

He thought about how Amanda had been acting lately - how she acted last night. How she pushed him away. How she wouldn't look at him or let him touch her. She had been shaking. And, what about the nightmares she had? What had she told Dr. Phaff about them? More than she'd told him, he thought angrily. Why wouldn't she talk to him? Why did she keep pushing him away?

"Hi Dotty, that smells great." He was referring to the aroma he smelled as soon as he walked through the kitchen door ten minutes later. Dotty was standing at the stove sautéing something that looked like chicken. His tone was upbeat. He didn't want to give her the impression that something was wrong."

"Doesn't it smell wonderful? It's called Cilantro and Lime Chicken." She highlighted each word as she spoke as if it was most elegant thing she had ever heard. "I got the recipe from one of those cooking shows this morning and just had to try it."

"I'm sure it'll taste just as good as it smells," he smiled but it didn't make it to his eyes.

"Lee, is something wrong?" Despite his pretense at normalcy she could tell something was bothering him. "You sat in the car a long time before coming in."

"Yes, I'm fine. Where's Amanda? He moved past Dotty and glanced towards the family room.

"She's upstairs taking a nap. She looked exhausted. You know Lee, I'm real worried about her. She needs to take better care of herself - you both do."

"Daddy, look at what I did." Emily stated running into the kitchen, her coloring book in hand. He was grateful for Emily's entrance since it effectively stopped Dotty's ramblings. He wasn't prepared to hear any talk about how Amanda appeared. Not with everything that has been going through his mind since his conversation with Billy and Dr. Phaff. Hearing that Amanda was finally sleeping did, however, give him a little hope that Dr. Phaff was wrong.

Lee picked up Emily and gave her a kiss on the forehead. "So let me see what you have here." He took the book from her and began flipping through the pages. "Honey, this is beautiful." Her coloring skills were equivalent to that of most four year olds who despite much concentration just haven't mastered the art of staying within the lines, but Lee as with most parents saw only the promise of a future artist.

Suddenly, from upstairs came the sound of a woman screaming.

"Oh God, Amanda!" Dotty whispered. But before she could move Lee quickly shoved Emily in her arms.

"Stay here," he yelled as he lunged up the stairs with his gun in hand.

* * *

Amanda turned over and looked at the clock – 3:40 pm it read. She had been lying there for over an hour and still was not even close to falling asleep. Despite what Dr. Phaff said earlier, she had decided not to take the pills. She wanted to do this on her own.

She sat on the edge of the bed and looked at the pills contemplating whether she had made the right decision. Why was she having such a hard time with this? Because I don't want to have to rely on pills to sleep she thought; because Dr. Phaff is wrong; because I'm scared. She thought about what Dr. Phaff said in his office: _"Amanda if you really want to put an end to the nightmares, if you want to understand what's going on with you, you need to get some sleep." _Reluctantly she picked up the pills and swallowed.

At first she didn't think the pills had done any good. Then her body started to relax, her eyes became heavy and she was out.

The more her body began to relax the deeper her sleep became. Then she began to dream. At first it was wonderful. She saw her life as a child with her parents, good times spent with her children and husband. Then she was there again – in the dark room.

'_I don't like being here,' _she thought_._

"_Amanda." _She smiled at the sound of Lee's voice. He was there beside her.

"_You came for me,_" she said groggily. She felt so tired.

"_Yes, I'm here,"_ he responded. Then he kissed her and she felt his hands moving along her thigh.

'_No'_, she thought. She felt her body begin to tense. Something was wrong. She turned towards the door. _"Lee,"_ she called out but he wasn't there. Where was he? He had been there in her previous dreams.

"_Amanda,"_ she heard her name called again but this time it wasn't Lee's voice. She looked up into Birol's face. He bent his lips to hers again and kissed her. Suddenly she realized it was he that had kissed her previously.

"_No,"_ she said turning her face away from him. She began pushing at him and tried to sit up but he pushed her back down. She didn't like what was happening.

"_Amanda wake up,"_ the voice in her head said. But she couldn't.

He moved his lips to her neck. His hands moved along her inner thigh. She tried again to push him away but she couldn't. She was too weak.

"_Amanda wake up,"_ the voice said again.

"_Is this how Scarecrow makes you feel"_ she heard him whisper in her ear.

"_No, Stop"_ she heard herself say. Tears rolled down her eyes. She had to stop him.

"_Amanda wake up."_ She wanted to wake up? Why wouldn't she wake up?

She felt his hands move along her thighs up to her waist. _"Amanda wake up,"_ the voice cried.

She saw him push her hands above her head and hold them there as her struggle intensified.

"_Amanda wake up!" _She felt her jeans being pulled below her hips.

"_AMANDA WAKE UP,"_ the voice yelled. Her body twisted from side to side as her mind tried desperately to awaken her from the onslaught of horrible memories.

She felt him move on top of her.

She felt him … **"NO!"**

She awakened from her dream with a scream. Breathing erratically she glanced around the room. A second later Lee burst through the door screaming out her name but to his surprised she jumped off the bed and away from. He took a step towards her. "Amanda what's wrong."

"No, stay away," she screamed moving further away. He stopped and looked at her curiously. She stared straight at him but it was as if she didn't see him at all.

He laid the gun down on the dresser without taking his eyes off of her. "Amanda honey it's me … Lee … your husband."

"No … you're not him."

He continued to move closer to her. "It's me Amanda. Look at me." He was standing right in front of her now. "You're at home – our home." He held out his left hand to her. "You know I won't hurt you."

She stared at the hand he held out to her. Then she stared at his face. He saw her face soften and her body began to relax as the recognition of where she was, of who he was, came into focus. He watched as the water in the corner of her eyes began to fall. Without saying a word she stepped forward into his arms. Her body was shaking. "It's going to be okay, Amanda. I'm here. I've got you" he said reassuringly.

"Don't let him hurt me again," she whispered. Then she buried her head in his chest and cried; more than he had ever seen her do before.

He tightened his grip when he felt her legs begin to buckle. Backing up to the bed he sat down and pulled her onto his lap. "He'll never hurt you again," he stated finally finding his voice as the tears rolled down his cheeks. "I promise."

Page 12 of 12


	6. Chapter 5

Time to Heal Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Lee stood looking out the window in the family room; staring out at the evening sky. He had been standing there for the last twenty minutes or so since Billy and Dr. Phaff arrived. After a brief conversation Dr. Phaff had gone up to see Amanda while Billy made small talk with Emily and headed into the kitchen with her and Dotty to keep them distracted.

He watched the movement of the trees intensify as the wind became stronger. A flash of lightning across the sky illuminated their lawn. 'The grass needs to be cut,' he thought. With everything that had happened in the past few weeks, they hadn't had time to concentrate on lawn maintenance.

He thought of the first time the grass had been cut after they moved in. He was surprisingly excited. Finally he had a home – a real home with Amanda and their family. He purchased a new lawn mower for the occasion. The future responsibility of caring for the lawn was placed on Phillip and Jamie but he took great pleasure in being the first to cut the grass in their new home.

A few more flashes of lightning were soon followed by a loud roar of thunder. It was going to storm. "A great finish to an already lousy day," he mumbled to himself as his eyes narrowed.

His thoughts drifted to a similar evening some years before. He and Amanda were in the second year of working together as partners - though he still refused to acknowledge that they were partners. Amanda made a costly mistake on an assignment when she decided to go against instructions and hide a sock containing a microdot in her purse instead of placing it in the laundry basket. The microdot held sensitive information and was lost when her purse was stolen minutes later.

Lee had been angry and that evening at her house, after a hopeless search for the microdot in her laundry, he yelled at her and said some things he didn't mean. She responded by telling him that she didn't think they should work together again and would submit her resignation in the morning. He feigned nonchalance and left the house in confusion, cursing himself for what he had said.

He hadn't realized how much Amanda meant to him at the time, or at least he wasn't ready to admit how much, but he knew he wasn't ready to let her go. So he turned the car around and headed back to her house to make amends. When he arrived he found her in a struggle with three men attempting to kidnap her. He wanted to kill them especially later when he learned the true reason for the kidnapping attempt. But he saved her, he arrived in time.

What was it she had said when he pulled her from that freezer, _"I knew you'd get here in time … you always do". _

"Lee, I thought you could use a cup of coffee." He turned to see Billy standing behind him holding two cups. "Mrs. West made a fresh pot of coffee before she took Emily upstairs for bed."

He stared at the cups wondering if he should take one. All he really wanted right now was a tall glass of scotch. "Thank you," he said taking the cup from the hand Billy extended to him. After taking a few sips he turned back towards the window. "Billy how'd I let this happen?" he whispered.

Billy took a sip of his coffee and sighed. He could tell how much this was hurting him and wasn't sure what to say. He looked at Lee sympathetically trying to find the right words but before he could respond Dr. Phaff came down the stairs. Lee placed his cup on the small table next to the window and walked toward him.

"How is she," he asked anxiously.

"I gave her something to calm her down," he responded placing his medical bag on the coffee table. He looked at Lee and took a deep breathe, "She remembers Scarecrow … everything."

Lee turned away and exhaled sharply. He hadn't realized he had been holding his breathe. Despite everything that had happened he was still hoping that somehow it was all a mistake – that Dr. Phaff's theory was wrong. He thought about how she reacted earlier – the scream, the look on her face, the fear in her eyes. It was true … Birol … he … _did_. He closed his eyes trying to push back the image that invaded his mind. He thought he was going to be sick.

He ran his hand through his hair and turned back towards them. "So what happens now?" he asked trying to maintain his control.

"Now she needs help dealing with what happened. Dr. Janet Parker, a colleague and friend from the New York office has had a great deal of experience with female agents who have been through these situations. She's agreed to take over Amanda's case. She'll be here in a few days so I need you to bring Amanda in to meet with her."

"Yeah," the response was mechanical as if he wasn't really there.

"Scarecrow," Dr. Phaff walked towards him. "I won't lie to you. Things are going to be difficult for a while. Although it happened over six years ago, the memories from that night are as fresh in her mind as if it happened yesterday. But now … now that she remembers her mind can relax and she can get the help she needs to deal with it. Now she can start to heal … it's time for her to heal."

"We're going to go now," Billy said finally. "I'm placing you and Amanda on inactive paid leave. Take as much time as you need."

"Thanks."

After they had left Lee stood in the family room alone pacing the floor. He wanted to go up to Amanda but he didn't know how he could face her. This was his fault. When she needed him the most, he hadn't been there.

"Well, I finally got Emily to sleep," Dotty said walking into the room. "Did Mr. Melrose and that doctor leave?"

"Uhm … yeah … they're gone. How's Emily."

"Confused … she doesn't understand what's going on with her mommy and what those men were doing here. I didn't know what to say since I don't understand myself."

Dotty paused waiting for Lee to say something. When he didn't she continued.

"Lee, I want to know what's going here, and don't give me that line about 'Need to Know'." She held her hand up as if to stop any protest he may make. "Amanda's lack of sleep and the way she screamed earlier wasn't normal; Mr. Melrose and that doctor coming here tonight the way they did wasn't normal; that look on your face isn't normal. Lee," she said pleadingly, "I need to know what's wrong with my daughter."

"Okay," he said simply and motioned for her to sit down. He knew she was right. She had a right to know and Amanda would need her mother's support to get through this.

"Does this have anything to do with that man Ba … Bi …?"

"Birol … yes" Lee took a seat on the sofa next to her."

"I thought he was dead."

"He is."

"Then what," She watched him seating there next to her, staring straight ahead, not saying much. It frightened her. "Lee?"

"About six years ago" he began finally, "Birol was a leading member of a terrorist group determined to destroy our government. I was assigned to lead a team to stop him. Amanda was part of that team. She was a rookie agent and probably shouldn't have been involved but I wanted her there. She had been with the agency for over three years, she had good instincts and there was no one I trusted more to watch my back."

Dotty smiled slightly at his obvious admiration of her daughter's abilities.

"I gave her a cover that I thought would keep her away from Birol and out of danger but he outsmarted us – me. He watched us and somehow realized Amanda wasn't who she appeared to be and that we cared for each other." He took a deep breath before continuing. "So, he took her to get at me."

"What?" Dotty asked in shock. "Amanda was kidnapped? When? How could I not have known?"

"We told you she was away on an assignment for the film company. We were hoping to get her back without telling you and the boys what was really happening."

"That day you came to the house … the first time we met." Dotty said realizing when the kidnapping must have occurred. "I thought it was strange that you weren't with her, that you would just show up. You were very polite but very distant."

"I was going crazy not knowing where she was." He turned to her and smiled. "Coming to see you made me feel closer to her and gave me hope."

She loving placed her hand on his arm. "Oh my gosh, Lee. Thank goodness you found her in time … before that awful man could hurt her."

His smiled slowly faded. "That's not exactly true," he said turning away from her.

"What do you mean?"

"Something happened back then, something we didn't know." Tears formed in the corner of his eyes as he spoke. "Something so awful, that she forced it from her mind."

"Lee? What is it?"

"The night before I found her, he …" Lee paused to catch his breath, "he … raped her." It was the first time he had forced himself to say the word. Unable to sit any longer he stood and walked back towards the window.

Dotty gasped and her hands flew to her mouth. "Oh my god! Lee, No!" Dotty stood up and glanced toward the stairs. "Amanda, my poor baby!" she cried.

"Dotty, I'm sorry," he stated apologetically. "I should have …"

"Lee, No …" she walked over and stood beside him. "This isn't your fault. I know you would have given your life to protect her. Amanda's a fighter. She's going to get through this. We're going to help her through this."

"Yes we will." He stated looking at her. "Yes, we will."

* * *

"I was told you were up here." Billy said as he entered the Q-Bureau.

Lee Stetson was sitting at his desk flipping through some files. He looked up at the sound of Billy's voice. "Hi Billy, I … ump …would have come down to your office but I wasn't really in the mood to see everyone."

"Did Amanda come with you?"

"Yeah, she's meeting with Dr. Parker. I thought I would work on some of these files while I waited for them to finish. It helps me keep my mind off of what's going on."

"How is she?"

Lee ran his left hand through his hair and leaned back in his chair. "She's distant. Quiet. She hasn't said much since the other night. She lies in bed all day. I asked if she wanted to talk about what happened but she just turned away from me."

"How are you doing?"

Lee looked at Billy briefly then stood and walked over to the window. It seems he spent most of his time these days staring out of windows.

"I didn't get a chance to answer the question you asked the other night, about 'how you could let this happen.' Lee this wasn't your fault."

"I shouldn't have had her working that assignment."

"No one could have predicted that Birol was planning to kidnap her."

"Maybe not, but having her work that case was a bad idea. You practically said it yourself when we had dinner in your office the night before he took her. She was a rookie, it was too dangerous. I should have left her out."

"Lee, Amanda's going to need your help getting through this. Blaming yourself and second guessing the decisions you made over six years ago isn't going to help."

"You want to know how I feel Billy." Lee yelled as he turned towards Billy. "ANGRY. _ANGRY_ because I put her in a position that would allow that psychopath to get anywhere near her; _ANGRY_ because I was so caught up in my own excitement of seeing her that morning when he put me in that room with her that I hadn't realized what he had done; _ANGRY_ because I want to kill him and I can't because he's already lying in a morgue in New York." He slammed his fist on his desk in frustration. "_ANGRY_ because …" He turned back towards the window and stood there quietly for a moment before turning back to Billy. His voice was softer when he finally spoke. "… because I don't know how to help her. She won't even look at me Billy. I'm not sure she even wants my help."

Billy walked over to Lee and put his hand on his friend's shoulder. "She does. Just give it time. You'll figure it out. You both will."

* * *

"So Amanda, how are you feeling today?" Dr. Parker asked as she sat in the chair across from Amanda.

Amanda had been watching the woman closely since she entered Dr. Phaff's office. Dr. Janet Parker was not what Amanda had expected. She had imagined a plane-Jane with thick glasses that wore her hair pulled back in a bun. What she found was a very smartly dressed, very attractive 54 year old red head that looked approximately seven years younger. After sitting down she crossed her legs and leaned forward flashing Amanda a warm inviting smile. Under normal circumstances Amanda was sure they could become friends but at this moment that smile only seem to annoy her.

"I'm feeling like I don't want to be here," Amanda answered and immediately regretted her response. "I'm sorry it's just that these past few days have been really tiresome and I haven't had much sleep, my kids don't know what to make of my behavior, my husband and mother walk around me like they're walking on eggshells and now I'm supposed to just sit here and talk about my feelings and I …" Amanda finally stopped talking and glanced over at Dr. Parker who was now staring at her. Feeling a little embarrassed she took a deep breath. "I'm sorry; I tend to ramble when I'm nervous."

"Don't be. I asked how you were feeling and you gave me an honest answer. Amanda that's why we're here - to discuss what happened to you and to discuss your feelings. I need you to be honest with me or I can't help you. If it would make you feel more comfortable, perhaps we can arrange to do this at your home."

"No! My children may see you and I don't want them anymore confused about what's going on. Besides I was thinking that maybe it would be better if I dealt with this on my own."

"You think that would be a good idea?"

"I don't want to sit here and rehash all these new memories of what happened and how I feel about it. How do you think I am supposed to feel about it?" she asked in frustration. "My life was just great when I didn't remember."

"Are you sure about that?"

"What do you mean?

"Amanda, I've read your file …" she leaned back in her chair and opened the file she held in her lap, "… and I've no doubt you've had a wonderful career with the agency. Housewife turned agent who's lucky enough to be partnered with one of the top agents in the business. Even if I hadn't read your file it's not like the name Amanda King Stetson hasn't circulated throughout the agency and the spy world."

Amanda looked at her a little bewildered. "You mean you've heard of me?"

She smiled at Amanda's question. "You sound surprised. From what I understand, Scarecrow was long considered a 'force to be reckoned with' on his own but after partnering with you, he became nearly unstoppable. And on top of that, you also managed to nab him as a husband. Most female agents would have killed for your position. I probably would have been one of them."

"You were a field agent?"

"Yes, for ten years. After completing my degree in Psychology, I decided I wanted a little excitement so I joined the agency. But to be perfectly honest, I don't really think I envy your career all that much. My field career was a rather good one. As a female agent, I had to fight to gain the respect of my peers but that must have been even more difficult for you coming in the way you did."

"Yeah, I suppose. So, why did you leave the field?"

"It was time. I felt I had given all I could in the field so I decided to use my skills, experience and degree to help other agents the way I had been helped."

"… the way you had been helped?"

Dr. Parker closed the file she held and placed it on the desk. "Yes Amanda. You see, unlike in your case, I didn't forget my assault. I just chose not disclose it. The assailant was killed during my escape, the mission was accomplished and I felt embarrassed and afraid of being labeled by other agents as weak so I decided to leave it out of my report. I thought I could deal with it on my own."

She leaned forward and looked Amanda in the eyes to ensure she had her attention. "But I was wrong." she continued. "The more I tried to ignore what happened, the more I hurt myself. It ate at me a little at a time until I was spiraling out of control. I was putting my life in danger and my partner's life as well. Things didn't get better until I finally told the truth about what happened to me and got the help I needed to deal with it."

"Did you go back into the field?"

"Yes, I did. So see Amanda, I understand a little of what you're feeling right now. I understand your desire to want to handle this on your own. But you can't. Yes, I'm sure you've lived a very good life over the past few years – both professionally and personally. But I'm sure that if you're really honest with yourself you'd admit that there have been times, brief periods, in which you felt that things weren't quite right; times when maybe a certain smell or sound or even a phrase for some unexplained reason suddenly made you feel uneasy; times when perhaps during a very intimate moment with your husband you suddenly became frightened."

Amanda turned away and closed her eyes as she remembered the evening only a few days ago when she suddenly became frightened when she and Lee were about to make love. She also realized that there had been other incidents, very brief and subtle, but similar to what Dr. Parker had described.

"Is that why you think I blocked out my assault; because I was afraid the other agents may view me as weak." Amanda asked turning back towards Dr. Parker.

"I can't say. There could be any number of reasons. Is that what you think?"

"I … I don't know." Her hands were shaking as she wiped the tears from her eyes.

"Then why don't we get started and see if we could discover the truth together."

"Okay."

* * *

The next few weeks passed by rather quickly as Amanda continued her sessions with Janet. After their first session, she insisted Amanda call her by her first name. Amanda was grateful for this helped her to relax and made her feel as if she was talking to a friend instead of a therapist.

Those sessions proved to be more difficult than even Amanda had imagined for not only did she have to rehash old memories of being held captive by Birol but for the first time she was forced to recall and acknowledge fresh memories about the worst night of her life.

One day Janet asked her about what was going on in her life prior to being captured by Birol. She talked about her career with the agency - first as a civilian working with Lee and the transition to his fulltime partner and rookie agent following the Stemwinder case, all of which she kept secret from her family. She also talked about her friendship with Lee that blossomed into love – a secret relationship they kept from the agency so they could remain partners.

"So Lee has been a huge part of your life for quite a while. It seems that he was the only person privy to all the details of your life back then." Janet commented.

"Yes I guess so."

"Amanda, if you had remembered … or … if he had known what really happened to you that night, do you think it would have made a difference in the outcome of your relationship?"

The question caught her by surprise. "I don't know," she answered wondering if she was telling the truth.

* * *

Lee decided to take Billy's advice to remain patient. After Amanda's therapy sessions he would ask her how it went but he never pushed her for details. The fact that she never volunteered any disappointed him more.

One night he awoke to the sound of her crying. The sound was low and muffled, as if she was crying into her pillow. She was lying at the other end of the bed with her back to him as had been her routine lately. It was not the first time he had discovered her like this. He moved closer to her and placed his hand on her shoulder.

"It's okay I'm here," he stated reassuringly.

But to his surprise, instead of claiming that she was alright as she usually did, she turned to him and buried her head in his chest. He pulled her closer and held her while she cried. Then, after she settled down, they talked for the first time about her assault until she finally fell asleep in his arms.

* * *

The Stetson's absence from work made things difficult for the already short staffed agency. No one felt the sting of things more than Francine who was, once again, placed in charge of the Q-Bureau during their absence. This resulted in working longer hours and a rearrangement of plans including the cancelation of some of her dates with Dean.

Dean was always sweet and understanding when she was running late or called to cancel their plans which made lying to him even more difficult. Despite her earlier words to Amanda, she was starting to like Dean more than she wanted to admit. She enjoyed spending time with him. He was surprisingly funny and very attentive. She found herself smiling whenever she heard his voice on the phone, she thought about him constantly when they weren't together and was sad whenever she had to cancel their plans; which is why she was so determined to make her lunch date with Dean.

They were meeting at noon at the little French bistro that he took her to that day she ran into him at the train station. It had taken some maneuvering and fast talking but she had managed to get free. She glanced at her watch as she exited the car -12:20 pm - she was late again.

She glanced through the window and smiled when she spotted him sitting at a small table near the back. He had waited for her. She took a quick look at herself through the glass. Satisfied with what she saw she entered the door and quickly made her way to the table. Like a true gentlemen he stood when he say her approaching and greeted her with a kiss on the cheek.

"I was beginning to think you weren't going to make it," he stated as she sat down.

"I'm sorry I'm late. I got here as soon as I could."

"That's okay. I'm just glad you're here." He said as he placed his hand over hers. The sensation that passed through her from his simple touch made her blush. He took a sip of water from the glass in front of him and glanced at her. "So what kept you?" he asked finally.

"Oh, you know … there's always something," she answered looking down at the menu. "My! That chicken salad looks good," she stated changing the subject. She didn't want to lie to him anymore than was necessary.

"Yes, it does," he said glancing at the menu. "So, how was Mason Neck?"

"What?"

"Mason Neck, the State Park. Your crew was filming a documentary there last night for IFF; the reason you cancelled our date."

"Oh yeah, of course … it … was wonderful."

Dean took another sip of his water. "You know, I really wanted to see you last night so I decided to surprise you by driving over to Mason Neck. I thought we could maybe spend time together after you were finished filming, but I couldn't find you."

"I would have liked that," she said feeling a little flattered and a little worried, "but Mason Neck is such a large place."

"Yeah, I know. I did a story on them a few years ago when they first opened."

"They arranged to keep the public away from the area we were filming so it would have been almost impossible to find us."

"I thought about that. The Park Ranger is an old friend so when I arrived at Mason Neck I contacted him to get the location of the IFF film crew. Imagine my surprise when he told me there was no crew filming there."

"Oh, there must have been some kind of misunderstanding. I'll find out what happened." She picked up her water glass and took a sip trying to appear nonchalant. "I hope they take our order soon, I'm starving."

"Francine I know you weren't at the park." He put both hands together on the table and leaned forward. "So just where were you."

"I told you, there must have a misunderstanding. Perhaps your friend didn't have all the information."

"Good afternoon, may I take your order," the waitress asked when she arrived at the table.

"Yes, I'll have the …"

"Excuse me, could you please give us a few more minutes?" Dean said to the waitress interrupting Francine's order. The waitress walked away promising to return in a few minutes.

"Dean I think we really should order."

"Francine I can't do this again."

"Oh, we don't have to stay if you don't want to. I thought you liked this place."

"No, I mean this … us … whatever is going on between us."

"I don't understand," she answered a little bewildered.

He reached across the table and covered her hand with his own. "Francine I like you. More than I even imagined I would; but I won't make the same mistake I made with Amanda."

"Amanda? What does she have to do with this?"

He removed his hand from hers then took a deep breath. "When I met Amanda," he begun, "I was looking to settle down and start a family. She was attentive to her children and appreciated family. Knowing what she went through with Joe, I thought she was also looking for a little more stability. Everything was great at first … then … one day things suddenly changed."

He paused and looked down before continuing. "Suddenly she started pulling away. She started canceling our dates; she was constantly running late; and would constantly disappear. She always apologized and had some crazy excuse for where she was and I simply accepted it; even after she didn't show up for a lunch date with my mother in her home. I refused to see what was happening. Instead I made excuses for her behavior. Then I decided to propose."

"You asked Amanda to marry you?"

"Yeah" he laughed. "She said no but at least she tried to let me down easily. I often wondered if there was someone else."

"Dean, I'm not … I mean it isn't what you think. Everything is just … complicated."

He turned and looked away. He was disappointed. He had hoped that there really was a misunderstanding or that she would tell him the truth. "Francine, I don't know what's going on with you," he said as he turned towards her again, "but I can't sit around blindly and wait for you to decide I'm not what you want. I've done that already. I won't do it again."

He pulled his wallet from his inner coat pocket and dropped a few dollars on the table. "This should cover your lunch," he stated as he stood up.

"No, you don't have to do that."

"I insist. I promised you lunch." He bent down and kissed her on the forehead. "Bye Francine. Call me when you decide you're ready for an honest relationship."

Then he turned and walked out of the café leaving her sitting there along trying to ignore the water that suddenly formed in the corner of her eyes.

Page 11 of 11


	7. Chapter 6

Time to Heal Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Amanda wiped her hands on the dish cloth as she rushed to answer the loud knock at the door.

"Amanda, dear what took so long," Francine stated as she walked through the opened door, "I've been ringing that doorbell forever."

"Sorry, Francine the doorbell's been acting up lately. Just one more thing we have to fix before we return to work."

Francine followed her back into the kitchen. "Are those chocolate cookies I smell?"

"Yes it is. I just baked a batch for Emily's preschool class tomorrow. You want one?" Amanda picked up the tin of cookies and extended them to Francine.

"I would love to but I don't think I should. Thanks anyway." She watched Amanda put the cookies away and took a deep breath before continuing, "Amanda, we haven't had a chance to talk since … well since you remembered. Anyway, I just wanted to say how sorry I am and if there is anything I could do … If you need to talk ..."

"Thank you Francine but I'm okay?"

"I understand you've been seeing Dr. Parker from the New York office. So, what's she like."

"She's really wonderful. I was a little skeptical about her at first, but talking to her has been a big help."

"I hear she used to be a field agent."

"Yes, she told me."

"Amanda, I know I wasn't always nice to you back then when you started working with the agency but I want you to know that I didn't really mean the things I used to say about you. Well, to be honest, your wardrobe has definitely improved … "

"Francine!"

"What I'm trying to say is that I've always known that you were a good agent. I just didn't want to admit that a housewife could do just as good a job as I, and well … I hope that I didn't say or do anything to make you feel like you couldn't open up about what Birol did to you that night."

"Francine, I don't think I've exactly worked out why I felt the need to repress those memories but I'm pretty sure it had nothing to do with you. If you don't mind I'd rather talk about something else."

"Yes, of course. Well the reason I came by was to give you this." She removed a stack of files from her brief case and handed them to Amanda. "I know you and Lee are returning to work next week and I thought you'd want to get an early start on reviewing these cases."

"Oh you did," Amanda said as she walked over to the table and flipped through a few of the files. She eyed Francine suspiciously, "So did you really bring these over for our benefit or to get them off of your desk."

"Fine, I admit it; but you and Lee have to help me out, I'm swamped. At least this way, if Billy asks about those cases I could tell him you wanted to get an early start so I gave them to you. He'll believe it, you're both overachievers."

"Wait a minute," Amanda reached for the last file, "Craig Sorenson – isn't that the doctor who tried to contact Lee before he was murdered. I thought that file was closed."

"Yes, technically it is but his wife called me the other day. She was cleaning out his things and found this key." She opened the folder and showed Amanda the key taped to the inside.

"GB" Amanda said reading the initials engraved on the key.

"I think the key is for a locker but I'm not sure where. I thought Lee would want to take a look."

"Yes, I think you're right. Okay Francine you could leave them but I don't think we'll have a chance to look at them this weekend."

"Oh! You have big plans?"

"Captain Curt borrowed his friend's cabin by the lake. He and mother went up a couple of days ago and we're going to join them for the weekend. We're driving up Thursday evening."

"That sounds wonderful. The entire family's going?"

"No, Phillip's not coming and … well Jamie's staying behind. I guess it's been a little too much family togetherness for him lately. He chose to stay here and work."

"You're letting Jamie's stay here alone?"

"No, he's actually going to be staying with Dean."

"Dean?" Francine exclaimed in surprise. "And Lee's okay with this?"

"Not exactly but after everything the family's been through lately, I think that he just wanted to avoid an argument. Besides I think he's a little more tolerant of Dean since I told him about the two of you."

"Oh! You did?" Francine asked feeling a little awkward.

Her reaction didn't go unnoticed by Amanda. "I'm sorry I didn't think you'd mind."

"Oh no that's fine."

"So Dean didn't tell you about Jamie staying with him?"

"Uhm … no"

"I hope this doesn't ruin any plans you may have had with Dean this weekend."

"No … well actually … Dean and I broke up."

"Francine, I'm sorry. What happened?"

"Well you know, he has a busy schedule, I have a busy schedule. Agency life isn't exactly easy on a relationship."

Amanda understood all too well the difficulty of trying to hide the secret agency life from those you're closest to. "Is there something I could do? Maybe, I could speak to Dean."

"Amanda, No! Don't be ridiculous. Relationships end all the time. And it wasn't even a real relationship, I mean, we were just having fun. It's not like I was falling in love with him."

"No, I guess not." She wondered if Francine actually believed what she was saying.

"Where's Lee," Francine asked quickly changing the subject, "I need to speak to him before I go."

"He's in the back yard with Emily."

Not wanting to answer any more questions about she and Dean, Francine quickly turned and walked out the kitchen door towards the backyard. She found Lee engrossed in some playtime with his daughter.

"Higher daddy," Emily screamed as he pushed her on the swing set that had recently been installed. Her eyes lit up as she saw Francine walking towards them.

"Aunt Francine." Lee eased the swing to a stop as he realized she was about to jump off. Francine kneeled down as Emily ran with excitement from the swing into her arms. The two had become close since Emily's sleepover which Francine found to be surprising exhilarating.

"Hi Francine" Lee stated as he joined them. "Honey, why don't you go inside and help mommy make cookies while I talk to Francine."

With the thought of cookies on her mind, Emily ran towards the kitchen.

"So what brings you by?"

"I brought over some files I thought you and Amanda would want to take a look at before you return to work next week. By the way, Amanda seems to be doing well."

"Yeah! Great!"

She looked skeptically at Lee. "You don't think Amanda's ready to come back yet."

"I wish she wasn't going back at all. At least not back in the field."

"Lee, Amanda's a good agent. She's going to be okay."

"I just wish her life wasn't in danger all the time."

"Unfortunately, that's the nature of our business."

Lee ran his left hand through his hair and turned away. Sensing his reluctance to continue this conversation she decided to change the subject.

"Dr. Smith announced his retirement today. Billy's taking over for him."

"Yeah, I know," he said turning back towards Francine. "Billy called me last night to give me the heads up. He wants me to take over his position."

"That's wonderful. Congratulations. Of course it was expected."

"I told him I'd think about it."

"You'd what. Lee what are you talking about? Billy's been grooming you for that position for the past few years. I don't …" Francine stopped and looked at him. "Wait a minute" she added finally realizing what was going on. "This has to do with Amanda, doesn't it?"

Lee turned and took a few steps away from her. His silence telling her all she needed to know.

"Lee you need to find a way to let this go," she stated walking up behind him. "Amanda isn't a rookie anymore. She's knows how to handle herself in the field. She has worked on assignments without you before."

"Yeah and we see how well that worked out last time," he growled. "How am I supposed to sit behind a desk everyday while she's out there risking her life, prey to some terrorist feign out for revenge."

"Lee, Birol's dead."

"He raped her, Francine," his voice was low and intense. "She's spent the last six years trying to block that trauma out of her mind. I refuse to let anyone else get close enough to hurt her like that again."

Francine watched Lee take a seat at the patio bench. The pained look of intensity on his face showed how difficult this was for him. It reminded her of the day she found him sitting in her car after Birol had taken Amanda. He needed her help then. She wished there was something she could do or say to help him now.

Lee had always been very protective of his wife; even in the early years after she began working with the agency. Knowing what Birol had done to her made him feel like he failed her. That, to him, was unforgivable.

She quietly walked over and sat next to him.

"Sometimes," he began as he ran his hands through his hair. "I wish I could go back to that day at the train station when Amanda and I met. I wish I had never handed her that package."

"But think of everything you may have missed out on - your family including that beautiful little girl you have. It took me a long time to realize it but meeting Amanda that day was the best thing that ever happened to you."

"Yeah it was great for me, but how about her and those boys? Things would have been so much easier for them if I hadn't come into their lives."

"I seriously doubt they would agree with that. Lee, you have been a great father to Emily and Phillip and Jamie. Anyone could see how much they love, respect and admire you. And as for Amanda, sure you handed her that package but you didn't force her to become an agent. As a matter of fact, you spent the first couple of years trying to convince her to walk away."

"A lot of good that did," he chuckled remembering how determined she was to assist him. "She's always been so stubborn."

"Lee, she understood the risks that come with this business and she chose it anyway. It was her decision and she's good at it. This business isn't easy for any of us but at the end of the day, you two have each other to go home to and lean on for love and support. You have a wonderful family. Don't ever regret it; some of us will never get that chance."

He looked at Francine. Somehow he thought she was referring to herself.

"Yeah I guess you're right," he said running his hand through his hair, "Thanks."

"I need to get going." She stood up from the bench preparing to leave.

"I'll walk you out."

Lee stood and walked with Francine to the back door and entered the kitchen. But neither of them noticed the young man standing just off to the side of the house frozen in place by the things he'd just heard. A few moments after they went into the house, Jamie turned his bike back toward the street and rode away from the house.

* * *

They arrived at the cabin on Thursday evening just before sundown. Dotty and Captain Curt made a special dinner for their arrival. To their surprise Jamie changed his mind at the last minute and decided to come along. Amanda wasn't sure what was responsible for the change but was grateful.

Amanda was happy to have this weekend with her family before going back to work. The house was filled with joy and laughter which had been lacking from their lives the past few months.

On Friday they were able to explore the spacious two story cabin and the surrounding area. Emily was excited about spending time by the lake. It was a little too cool for swimming so Captain Curt took her and Jamie fishing in his friend's boat. Then Jamie took her with him as his photography assistant as he explored the area.

Jamie's assistance in keeping his little sister occupied made it possible for Lee and Amanda to spend some quality time alone. After packing a couple of sandwiches and some fruit and water, they went for a hike through the woods.

The day was perfect. They explored the woods, climbed hills, held hands, and simply talked and laughed about nothing special. It felt good to be able to spend time together without fear of being chased by some terrorist seeking to kill them. When they got tired, they found a beautiful spot overlooking a mountain and ate their lunch.

They arrived back at the cabin in the late afternoon and assisted the family in cleaning and preparing the fish Captain Curt, Jamie and Emily caught earlier. A couple of times Amanda found herself blushing when she say Lee watching her. She also thought she caught Jamie watching her a few times as well.

"Is everything alright? You've been very quiet lately," she asked him when she finally managed to get him alone.

"Yeah, I'm just glad I came," he answered staring into her face. "It's good to see you smile again." Then he hugged her.

"Thank you. I'm glad you came too." For some reason she felt that he was not telling her everything.

Later that evening after the rest of the family had gone to bed, Lee and Amanda sat cuddle on the couch in front of the fireplace with a bottle of wine. Finally, hand in hand they headed upstairs to their bedroom.

They both anticipated their evening would end just as romantically as their day had begun. It had been a long time since they'd made love. But as they lay kissing in bed, for some reason she suddenly felt uneasy and frightened and pushed him away.

"I'm sorry Lee, I can't," she whispered and turned away from him, "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," he stated reassuringly hiding his disappointment. But it did little to stop her tears from falling.

After breakfast the next day, Captain Curt and Dotty took Jamie and Emily in town with them to do some shopping. Amanda and Lee stayed behind to wash dishes and clean the kitchen. Then they went for a walk along the river.

The sun glistened off the lake illuminating its radiant blue color. The scenery was breathtaking. Despite the beauty that surrounded them, things between them was not as it had been the day before. Amanda saw Lee begin to reach for her hand but suddenly pulled back. After the way their evening ended she didn't blame him for being so hesitant.

"Lee, I'm sorry about last night," she sighed.

He stopped walking and looked at her. "It's okay Amanda. It was too soon. I didn't mean to pressure you."

"You didn't," she stated quickly. "I wanted to. It was just that …" She turned from him and stared out over the lake.

He could see something was bothering her. "Amanda what is it?"

She didn't answer him. They had talked often about what happened but there were still some things about that night she hadn't shared with him.

"Amanda honey," he said walking up behind her. "I need you to talk to me."

"I thought he was you."

"What?" He took her by the arm and gently turned her towards him. "What are you talking about?"

"When Birol held me hostage … sometimes I would see you. I saw hallucinations of you talking to me, telling me not to give up. It was the thing that kept me going sometimes."

He took her hands in his. "Yeah, I remember you telling me that."

"That night … when I woke up … someone was there. I imagined it was you there talking to me. Then he started touching me. I … I didn't push him away at first. I thought it was you. Then he kissed me and I realized it wasn't you but it was too late. I couldn't get away."

Lee pulled her into his arms and held her tightly.

"I don't know why but last night I suddenly felt uneasy, frightened like I did that night … like he was there."

"It's okay, it's okay baby," Lee said forcefully holding her close. "I'm so sorry. I should have never let this happen."

Amanda pulled back to look at him, loosening his grip on her. "Lee, this wasn't your fault."

"I should have protected you. You shouldn't have had to imagine I was there. I should have been _there_."

"Lee, I knew you'd get there in time and you did."

"Yeah but not in time to keep him from hurting you." He moved his hand through his hair in anger and frustration and moved away from. "Sometimes I wish …"

Amanda stomach suddenly felt like it was in knots. She knew what he was about to say, "... that I hadn't taken that package from you at the train station years ago."

"What?"

"That is what you were going to say right." She knew him better than anyone still her words caught him off guard.

"Your life would have been so much simpler."

"Maybe that's not what I wanted." She stared at him for a moment before continuing. "Janet … Dr. Parker asked me once what I thought would have happened between us if you had learned back then that Birol raped me. I said I didn't know but I think I may have lied to her and myself. I think it's one of the main reasons I wouldn't let myself remember. I think I was afraid of losing you."

"Amanda what are you saying? Wait … you don't mean … do you really think if I had known I would have left you, that I wouldn't have wanted to be with you anymore." He was furious. He couldn't believe what she was insinuating. "If I had known, there is no way Birol would have lasted six years in prison. I would have killed him myself."

"I know," she stated a little matter-of-factly. "You would have killed him … and then what? Face an investigation, termination from the agency ending your career and a possible prison sentence. Then where would that have left us?" she asked, her voice cracking just a little.

"Amanda …"

"And even if you had managed to avoid going to prison or decided to let Birol live, how long would it have been before you decided that my life would be better without you – and left. You were the one person in my life at that time who knew me completely. I don't think I could have handled it if you weren't there."

"Amanda …"

"And since you mentioned it, yes I guess I am a little worried that you won't see me the same way; that you wouldn't want to be me again."

"Amanda, stop." He moved closer to her until they stood only inches apart. Then he cupped her face in hands. "Listen to me," he whispered as he wiped a tear from her eyes with his left thumb, "I love you. There is _nothing_ anyone can do to make me not want to be with you. When you're ready to be with me again I'll be here. I'm not going anywhere."

He kissed her softly, tenderly then pulled her into his embrace. They stood there for several minutes. Then after making sure she was okay, he took her hand and they continued their walk along the river.

Although neither of them spoke, the intimacy they shared from the previous day had returned. Amanda was a little surprised of the fears she had exposed during their candid discussion. Until the words were spoken she hadn't realized it herself. But some of the tension and misunderstanding they held had finally been released.

Lee thought a great deal about their discussion. Were her fears valid? If he had known, would he have risked their future together to kill Birol or would he have left her?

"Lee," Amanda began finally breaking their silence, "I want you to stop blaming yourself for what happened to me. Taking that package from you and joining the agency was my decision. I've enjoyed a wonderful career in the field and despite everything's that's happened I've never regretted it."

"Yeah, but maybe it's about time we got out."

"What do you mean?" Amanda stopped walking and stared at him.

"Billy wants me to take over as Section Chief after Dr. Smith retires."

"Honey, that wonderful," she threw her arms around his neck showing her enthusiasm, "why didn't you say …?"

"Amanda I'll only take the position if you leave the field also."

"What," she asked in confusion as she released her hold on him.

"I won't have you constantly exposed to danger with some partner that might or might not back you up."

"Lee you know I always prefer to work with you but I've worked with other agents before especially over the past few years when Dr. Smith wanted to punish us."

"Yes and I'm terrified each time. I want more weekends like this one with _you_ - my wife, our kids and the rest of our family."

"Lee …"

"No Amanda. Fear works both ways. The longer you are in the field, the greater the chance that one day I'll get that call that you won't be coming home. I don't think I could handle _that_."

Page 9 of 9


	8. Chapter 7

Time to Heal Chapter 7

Chapter 7

"So how does it feel being back at work," Janet asked Amanda as they walked through the park on their way back to the agency after lunch.

Their therapy sessions had ended two weeks ago and Janet had since returned to her life in New York. She was only back in Washington for a couple of days to wrap up a few lose ends and this was the last chance the two friends had to get together before she returned home that evening.

"It feels good to be back but I'm just doing paperwork right now. I haven't been approved to return to the field yet. Well, if I return to the field at all."

"What do you mean?"

"Lee has an opportunity to leave the field. He wants me to leave too."

"Oh I see. So what do you want?"

"My life back the way it was before all this happened." They stopped at a bench and sat down. "I don't know. I understand how Lee feels, but what does it say about me if I walk away now. How would it look?"

"How would it look to whom?"

"To all those who didn't think I could or should have been in the field. _"Scarecrow got out so of course she would too. She can't make it without him," _or_ "I knew she couldn't handle it. As soon as things got a little rough she ran.'"_ Janet, you understand. You didn't let what happened keep you from going back in the field."

"Yes, but you're not me. I also didn't have a family, at that time, to consider." She paused before continuing. "Amanda, I told you, I read your file. Even if I hadn't it's not like you haven't made a name for yourself in the agency. Sure being Scarecrow's partner gave you a lot of exposure but everyone knows that a great deal of your success as partners was because of _you_. You have nothing to prove to anyone."

"So you think I should leave."

"I can't answer that for you. Amanda, you need to honestly examine why you want to be in the field and decide what would be best for you and your family."

Soon after they returned to the agency, Janet headed for the airport for her return to New York and Amanda headed back to the Q-Bureau. Lee was out in the field with Francine working on a lead while she was left behind to do research.

She scanned through the Craig Sorenson file several times for clues. What had they missed? She picked up the key his wife had found – 'GB' was the initials engraved on it. She'd seen it before she was sure, but where? She stared at it continuously but her mind couldn't focus. All she could think about was her conversation with Janet. Finally deciding to give up, she wrote Lee a note, grabbed her purse and headed home.

On her way home, she stopped at the market to pick up some groceries for dinner. She was removing the groceries from her car when she heard someone approaching.

"Hello Mrs. Stetson," said the voice behind her.

Amanda turned to see Debbie Stevenson, the young physical trainer. As usual she wore her hair pulled back into a ponytail and her much fitted jogging suit.

"Hi Debbie, I see you're out jogging again."

"Yes, I always like to get a run in before I head to work. It loosens me up and makes me very flexible. You should try it sometime."

Amanda just looked at her and smirked. There was something about the woman that irritated her.

"Well, I have to go. Say hello to Lee," she added.

The woman only irritated her before, now she knew she absolutely did not like her. By referring to Lee by his first name, Debbie was trying to imply that their relationship was more intimate than it really was. Looking at the woman she couldn't help but think about how much she resembled the women Lee used to date. Under normal circumstances she would have just laughed at the woman's absurd antics but considering their current sex life or lack of one, she found the situation a bit frustrating.

Debbie was starting to jog off when Amanda spotted the logo on the corner of her jacket. Suddenly it all came clear to her what had been nagging at her all day.

"Debbie," she called out to the woman.

"Yes," she turned to Amanda still jogging in place.

"Actually Lee and I have been thinking about joining a gym. I was hoping you could give us some information on the gym you work at."

"That's great. I have to go right now but why don't you both come by the gym sometime and I'll be sure to give you a tour and answer some questions you have." Then she turned and jogged off.

"Okay, thanks," Amanda said with a smirk of satisfaction on her face. It was finally clear. She knew she'd seen it before. The logo on Debbie's jacket was the same as the one on the key – GB – 'Gold Bar' Fitness Gym. Those weren't initials on the key. GB isn't a person, it's a place.

After putting the groceries away, Amanda tried to reach Lee at the office but he hadn't returned. She also tried calling his car phone but there was no answer there as well. Finally deciding she'd try later she began preparing dinner.

"No, you don't have to interrupt their meeting. I'll see him when he gets home. Thank you, goodnight," Amanda said to the agency's evening switchboard operator that had answered the phone. It was her third time calling and this time he had returned to agency but he was in a meeting with Billy.

She hung up the phone slowly and sighed. It was after eight o'clock and he still wasn't home. She wasn't sure why it bothered her so much; it wasn't his first time working late. But she hadn't seen or heard from him since he left the agency at 10:30 that morning. Usually if they were apart for a long period of time during the day, unless they were working undercover, they would check in just to let the other one know they were alright. However, they hadn't spoken much at all the last few days. Her unanswered decision to his ultimatum had created some tension in their already strained relationship. She was starting to wonder if he was purposely trying to avoid her.

"Lee still isn't home yet," Dotty asked as she walked into the kitchen.

"Uhm, no he's working late."

"He's been doing that a lot lately."

"Yeah," she said turning to stare out the window.

"Amanda, are you and Lee okay?" Dotty asked sensing that something was wrong.

"What?"

"I've noticed some tension between the two of you lately."

She turned away from the window. "Yes, were fine. There are few things we have to work through, mostly work related but …"

"Oh please tell me you're not doing anything dangerous again. You can't keep putting yourself in these situations."

"Mother …"

"Okay, okay, I know you can't talk about agency business so I'll back off. You said it was mostly work related, what else is going on?"

"Oh! Nothing important!" She picked up the dish cloth and began wiping off the counter.

Dotty eyed her suspiciously. "Amanda, do you remember when I was learning to drive and I caused that three car accident."

"Yes, I remember."

"It was awful. I'm glad you weren't there to see it. I was so scared of driving after the accident that I thought I'd never drive again, but do you remember what you told me."

"Don't give up."

"Right! And although I was a little nervous, I stayed calm, kept trying and before I knew it I was driving."

"That's a sweet story mother but I don't understand why you're telling me this."

"Honey, what I'm trying to say is, you've been through a lot lately and getting your life back on track, returning to your old routines can be a little scary. It may take a while but if you calm down and relax eventually you'll get there. I know how much Lee loves you so whatever you two are going through; I know you'll work through it eventually."

"Thank you mother," Amanda said hugging her. "I needed to hear that."

Amanda was awakened by the sound of footsteps in the bedroom then she saw the bathroom light go on. She turned and looked at the clock – 10:05.

"Lee, are you just getting home."

"I'm sorry," he answered sticking his head out of the bathroom, "I didn't mean to wake you."

"That's okay; I was trying to wait up for you anyway." She sat up in the bed and stretched. "You had another difficult day?"

"That's life at the agency." He had removed his tie and was in the process of removing his shirt. "By the way, I'm sorry I didn't call you today. Francine and I got sent on a wild goose chase that led us to the countryside and I couldn't get a signal or find a working phone."

"I admit I was a bit worried but I understand. That must have been some meeting you had with Billy."

"There was a problem with one of our agents working undercover oversees and Billy needed my help rectifying the matter."

"Practice for when you take over his position?" she asked. Lee had just returned to the bedroom and was looking through the top drawer.

"The agent at the switchboard told me you called a few times, was there something you needed," he asked ignoring her previous question.

"I have some new information on the Dr. Sorenson case and thought you'd want to know."

She relayed her earlier encounter with Debbie Stevens while he listened from the chair across from the bed.

"Gold Bar Gym. I can't believe it, it's been right here in front of our face the entire time."

"We've been dealing with so many other things lately."

"Yeah, you're right. So do you think Debbie knows something about Dr. Sorenson's death?"

"Well we always suspected that he was having an affair and she definitely wouldn't be opposed to having a relationship with a married man," she stated remembering her earlier conversation with Debbie and the way she's been throwing herself at Lee. "I don't understand what kind of man would even fall for her cheap antics."

"Okay, well I'll check it out tomorrow."

"Maybe I should come with you since she's expecting both of us."

"No, I can handle it alone."

"It's just a gym."

"Amanda!"

"Alright Lee, I'll stay away," she caved realizing it was an argument she wouldn't win. "You still didn't answer my other question"

"What?"

"Did Bill say anything about the job?"

Lee hesitated. "Yeah, he said he needs an answer soon."

"I think you should take the position."

"Amanda we've already discussed this."

"I know and I've thought a great deal about what you said and why I want to go back in the field."

"And?"

She paused for a moment. "Lee, when I first joined the agency, there was a lot of talk about whether I could effectively handle myself in the field seeing as I was just a housewife."

"Amanda, that was a long time ago. No one has questioned your ability in the field for years."

"I know that too. I tried convincing myself that I needed to go back in the field to prove something to everyone else but the truth is I need to prove something to myself."

"I don't understand."

"Lee I'm scared – scared that I can't handle myself out there anymore. I need to know, that with everything that's happened, if I'm needed I can still function in the field."

"This thing with Birol happened six years ago and you've worked in the field successfully since then."

"Yes, but I also didn't fully remember what happened. I refused to let myself remember because I was afraid. Now, that I know … everything's changed. I need to know that I left on my own terms and not because I let my fear of what he did to me push me out."

"Amanda, I …"

"But I also realize that I can't keep doing this. That I can't stay out there; so I propose a compromise."

"Compromise?" Lee walked over to the bed and sat down next to her.

"Yes. You take the job as Section Chief and I agree to leave the field in six months. That gives me enough time to see if I really could handle myself in the field and time to decide on what I want to do next." She could see he was struggling with the idea. "Lee, please. I promise I'll be careful and you get to pick my partner."

"Six months and you're out?"

"Yes, six months."

"Okay."

She threw her arms around his neck. "Thank you."

"Now I just have to decide who I'm going to assign as your partner. And it won't be that idiot you worked with on your last assignment."

"Lee it wasn't his fault my cover was blown."

"I'm not debating this with you. The answer is no."

"Okay fine. What about Matt Connelly who transferred from the Chicago office last year? We've worked with him on a few cases and I worked a case with him earlier this year. He has a great field record."

"Yeah but he always seems just a little too eager to work with you. I'm not trying to cause problems for myself."

"Lee Stetson, are you saying you think he could win over my affections."

"No, not at all," he bent forward and kissed her, "but I'm not taking any chances."

He cut off her laughter with another kiss. He was about to pull back when she inched her lips forward prolonging the kiss. As she slid her hand behind his head and into his hair, he pulled her closer and their kiss quickly began to intensify. Considering what happened at the cabin, he felt he should stop but the whisper of his name from her lips encouraged him to go further; and unlike what happened that night at the cabin, this time she didn't push him away.

* * *

"Come in," Amanda said in answer to the knock at the Q-Bureau door. She looked up to see Jamie walk through the door. "Jamie, honey what are you doing here."

"We're supposed to go shopping today at the mall, don't you remember?"

"Yes, but is mother here too. I thought you were going to ride over there with she and Emily and I was going to meet you there."

"Yeah, I know but our class had a field trip in the city not far from here so I thought, why go all the way back home to Virginia only to have to come back. I got my teacher to call grandma and she gave the okay for me to stay in Washington and come here to meet you."

"I guess it's alright, it does make sense. I just wished you would have let me know first."

"I did try to call you but I didn't get an answer."

"Okay, well just let me take this file downstairs and then I'll be ready to go. You'll be okay waiting here?"

"Of course mom, I'll just read until you get back," he said taking a seat on the couch.

Jamie waited a few moments after she left then he got up from the couch, went to the door and took a look out in the hall. Seeing no one, he quickly closed the door and went to Lee's desk. Happy to see that the computer was still on, he keyed in Lee's password. He had been there a few months ago and watched from a distance as Lee entered it. Luckily he had remembered.

Jamie knew something was wrong when he returned from his weekend trip to see Phillip. The house was a little too quiet even solemn – there was no laughter. Everyone was different. Sure, the family routines were the same but they were all mechanical. And mom stayed in her room most of the time. No baking cookies or cleaning or nagging them about homework. She was always resting. That wasn't like her. One day he found her in the kitchen – it was obvious she had been crying but when he asked her what was wrong she claimed she had been cutting onions.

He asked Lee if anything was wrong and he claimed everything was fine. He said they were all just a little tired from everything that's been going on lately which is why he said they had taken a leave from the agency. Jamie wasn't convinced. He tried talking to Phillip about it but Phillip just thought he was being paranoid. Then everything started to change back to normal. Mom no longer stayed in her room and everyone wasn't so gloomy. He was beginning to think Phillip was right; maybe he was just being paranoid. They did work a great deal; perhaps they did just need a little rest.

Then came the day, a week ago, when he overheard the conversation between Lee and Francine in the backyard - and he knew the truth. He couldn't believe what he had heard. He rode his bike to the park and sat there for hours trying to process it all. He thought of calling Phillip again but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He hated even thinking about it. His mother had been … raped. The thought of it made him sick.

Jamie took a sigh of relief, the password worked. Once he had access to the system, he made a file search for 'Berol.' From what he'd overheard, he knew he was the one. He received an error message: 'file not found'. Then he substituted the 'e' with an 'i', and there it was – Birol, Adi. In the top corner of the file was Birol's picture. He stared at it for a long time, memorizing every detail - his curly black hair, thick eyelashes, sinister eyes – this was the man that hurt his mom. He couldn't explain why it was so important but he needed to know who Birol was, what he looked like.

He quickly scanned through the file. It seemed the government had been after him for quite a while before he was finally captured. October 1986, that was when they finally caught him. Lee Stetson was listed as the 'Agent of Record.' He was the foremost agent credited with Birol's capture. Jamie took some solace in knowing that Lee had brought this man to justice. Then he saw it - listed among Birol's many charges – 'the abduction and torture of US Federal Agent Amanda King.'

Jamie's eyes were fixed on the word 'torture.' What else had Birol done to her he wondered? Whenever his mom or Lee had been injured in the line of duty, they were always careful not to show any outward signs of worry or fear around the family. As a result, he and Phillip had learned to treat their injuries as just another day on the job. But he thought about the things Lee said that day in the back yard, the sound in his voice. It had all been an act. He ran his hands through his hair in imitation of Lee – "abduction and torture" – he said the words out loud. No wondered they were so worried when he escaped. They were worried he would come back to seek revenge on them or worst their family. 'And I just made things worst acting like an immature kid – pouting because they wouldn't let me go to a stupid lunch with Dean and some highly publicized photographer.'

He was about to read on when suddenly he heard voices. Quickly he cleared the screen, locked the computer and rushed back to the sofa. He had just taken his history book from his backpack when Lee and Amanda opened the door.

"Hi Sport," Lee said, "I heard you were here."

"Yeah," he said with a smile. "So mom, are you ready to go."

"Just let me get my purse."

"Good, I'll wait downstairs." Jamie quickly left the room, his heart pounding after almost getting caught.

"Wow, he certainly got out of here in a hurry." Amanda took her purse from the bottom drawer. What do you suppose that was about?"

"I don't know. I'm sure it's nothing, probably just anxious to meet up with some girl at the mall." He gently grabbed Amanda's arm as she walked towards the door and turned her towards him. "So I guess I'll see you at home later?"

"Yeah," she smiled. "Are you working late tonight?"

"Not if I can help it," he responded. Then he leaned in and gave her a slow sensual kiss.

Amanda was still thinking about that kiss as she walked through the mall with her mother and Emily. Jamie had gone off on his own probably to meet up with some girl as Lee had guessed.

"Amanda look, this is perfect," Dotty stated looking at some lace material hanging in the display window. "Come on I have to have a look."

Emily enthusiastically followed behind her grandmother as she shopped for the perfect accessories for her upcoming wedding. Amanda's mind, however, was not in it. She could think of nothing but Lee. Last night they had made love for the first time in a long time. It hadn't been their usual fireworks - they were both too careful – she was afraid of clamming up the way she had at the cabin and he was of afraid of hurting her, but it was nice and it was a start.

She thought again about the way he'd kissed her earlier, the way he looked at her. She smiled to herself. It was extremely exhilarating to know how much he still wanted her. They were at a good place right now. She knew it would take time to fully get back to where they were but now at least she was confident they would.

As her mother and Emily spoke with the sales lady, Amanda walked around the boutique admiring its merchandise. She saw a beautiful white suit that made her think fondly of the day she and Lee were married. She picked up a hat from a nearby display table and placed it on her head as she stood before the mirror. She adjusted the hat several times on her head. The hat was nice but it wasn't her.

A loud sound of laughter caused her to glance past her reflection to the boutique's display window. She saw a group of giggling teenage girls pass by. Friday evenings at the mall was always crowded with teenagers and couples anxious to start their weekend.

She caught sight of a gentleman standing along the far end of the wall outside the boutique. He was wearing a baseball cap and was dressed in khaki pants and a sweat shirt. No doubt he was probably waiting for his girlfriend or wife but there was something about him that seemed a little odd, yet familiar. 'Do I know him,' she wondered.

"What do you think of this one?" she heard her mother ask. She was about to look away from the gentleman and the mirror when suddenly she caught sight of his eyes and realized he was watching her too. She stood looking through the mirror with her eyes locked on him when a crowd walked by and obscured her view. When the crowd cleared he was gone. She quickly turned and headed for the boutique's entrance. She heard her mother call to her but she didn't respond.

Once outside the boutique she glanced from left to right in search of the gentleman she had seen. Finally to her left, she spotted the baseball cap and began walking quickly in his direction. She struggled to keep up. Each time she thought she was gaining on him another group of shoppers entered her path causing her to slow down and allowing him to increase his distance. She was so consumed in her pursuit that she didn't notice that she had walked right past Jamie.

"Mom?" he called questioningly but she didn't stop, she couldn't. She wasn't sure why it was so important to catch up to that man but she was sure she knew him. That he just happened to be there, outside the boutique, watching her, she was sure was no coincidence.

She watched him turn down a corridor. She glanced at the sign above and realized he was headed for the exit. Realizing she was going to lose him she quickened her pace. Her heart was beating wildly. She reached the corridor just as he had pushed open the exit door. But just as the door was about to close, he turned back towards her and smiled. Then he was gone.

She gasped. She could feel herself trembling. "Birol," she whispered.

"Mom, are you alright," Jamie asked standing next to her. He looked a little bewildered as he glanced down the empty corridor where her eyes were fixed. "Mom …"

"Jamie," she stated finally realizing someone was there. Then she grabbed him by the arm. "Come on, we have to get your grandmother and sister. We have to go … Now."

Page 10 of 10


	9. Chapter 8

Time to Heal Chapter 8

Chapter 8

"Sir, I know how this must sound but I'm telling you it was Birol." Amanda sat in her family room before her husband, Billy and Dr. Phaff recounting what happened that evening at the mall. She could tell by the look on their faces that they didn't believe her.

"Amanda honey," Lee put his hand over hers, "Birol is dead."

"No, that's what he wants us to think but I know what I saw. The man I saw at the mall today was Birol."

"Amanda," Billy began, "I want to believe you but I know what I saw too. Lee and I went to New York. We saw Birol's dead body. We all read the autopsy report. That body in the morgue was Birol's."

Amanda stood in frustration and walked around the couch. "The report was wrong. I don't know what he did or how he did it, but it wasn't him."

She watched as Billy and Dr. Phaff exchanged looks. Lee sat on the couch - his hands clasped together, his eyes on the floor as if trying to process what she was saying. Despite her best effort she couldn't get them to believe her.

"Amanda, I'm sure you saw someone," Dr. Phaff interjected. "Sometimes our minds can project the fears hidden in our subconscious and cause us to see what isn't there."

"I was NOT hallucinating."

"Amanda …"

"Excuse me sir but Birol is alive and he obviously intends on coming after my family. Now if the agency won't do anything to protect them then I'll have to find a way to do it myself." She turned and stormed out of the room.

"Do you think she came back to work too soon," Billy said to Dr. Phaff after she had gone.

"Perhaps," he sighed deeply. "Dr. Parker thought she was ready but maybe …"

"I believe her," Lee stated finally. He had been sitting there quietly listening to them talk. He knew it was absurd but he felt she was right.

"Lee, you can't be serious. You and I both say Birol's body. There is no way he could be alive."

"I know but I also know my wife. Come on Billy, you know Amanda is not one to exaggerate or see things that aren't there."

"And you don't think that seeing a dead man counts," Dr. Phaff added.

"Well, this isn't her first time seeing someone we all _thought_ was dead or did you both forget that she is the reason we were able to stop Steven Sallee's assassination attempt on the Vice President six years ago."

"No, I haven't forgotten but in that case we didn't have a body. We have Birol's body."

"If Amanda is right about Birol being alive then he's been able to move throughout the country freely for the past few weeks. Just think of what that means to our nation's security. Billy I'm just asking for a chance to prove he's out there."

Billy exhaled sharply, "Okay, okay I'll assign two teams to your family but I'm giving you one week, one week for you and Amanda to find some proof that Birol is alive or I'm pulling the whole thing."

"Thanks Billy."

After Billy and Dr. Phaff had gone, Lee went in search of Amanda. He found her in the kitchen leaning against the counter.

"Have they gone," Amanda asked when Lee walked into the kitchen.

"Yeah. Amanda …"

"Lee, Birol's alive."

"I believe you."

"You do?"

"Yes. I talked to Billy and he's giving us protection for the family and one week to prove Birol's alive."

Relieved, she threw her arms around his neck. "Thank you," she whispered as tears rolled down her cheeks. "I thought you didn't believe me."

"Don't worry Amanda. We'll find him."

* * *

Having only a week to prove Birol was alive, Lee and Amanda's other cases were placed on hold. Nothing was more important than finding him and protecting their family. While Lee did the physical footwork part of the investigation, Amanda stayed in the office doing research and making phone calls to gain possible leads. Despite their best efforts, however, all leads led nowhere.

"Yes, I'll hold," Amanda said to the person on the other end of the receiver. She sat on her desk with a notepad jotting down information about her next possible lead. She looked over at Lee's desk and sighed. The boxes on his desk was a reminder that their partnership was about to end. "Oh, yes I'm still here … you're sure." Amanda anxiously made note of what she was hearing. She smiled at Lee as he walked through the door. "Okay, thank you." She hung up the receiver and enthusiastically leapt from her desk.

"I think I finally have something," she said as she approached Lee. "I spoke to one of the guards at the prison who often worked the nightshift with that guard that helped Birol escape. Well, it seems that and get a sketch of them maybe we could find out who they are and where Birol is hiding."

Lee sighed and took her hand. "Amanda, come here," he said heading towards the couch. "We need to talk."

"Okay fine," she pulled her hand way from him, "I'll stay here while you go to New York and speak to him but you need to hurry. We don't have much time left to complete this investigation."."

"Amanda, there's no longer an investigation."

"What?" She took a step back and looked at him. "What are you talking about?"

"Billy called it off. He's pulling the agents off guard detail as we speak."

"But why? He can't do this. We still have one more day."

Lee lifted his arm and handed her a file. "What's this?"

"Billy ordered a second examination of the body – blood, teeth. We just received the results – It's Birol."

"What?" Amanda stared at the results in the file. "This can't be. I … I saw him."

"You may have seen someone … but it wasn't Birol."

Amanda closed the file and placed it on her desk. She turned and walked toward the window. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. "There must be some mistake. I saw him. I know I did. I … I think I did."

She turned back toward Lee. The look on his face told her he had more to say. "Is there something else?"

"Let's sit down."

"Just say it."

He sighed. "Billy wants you to undergo an extensive psych evaluation with Dr. Phaff."

"Oh, I see."

"Amanda it's just a precaution. He just wants to make sure you're okay."

"You mean he wants to make sure I'm not crazy." She walked toward him. "So how long do I have to undergo this evaluation?"

"I don't know. It depends on Dr. Phaff's recommendation."

"So I guess I'm on desk duty until then."

"Yes … Amanda, I'm sorry."

"No need to be sorry. You win."

"What?"

"You didn't want me to go back in field anyway. Not much chance in that happening now."

"Amanda that's not fair," he stated angrily. "Yes, I want you out of the field and away from danger. I won't apologize for that. But I didn't want it to happen like this."

"I know, I know. I'm sorry." She put her hand up to her mouth ashamed of what she had said. "It's just that … I was so sure." She snickered, "Maybe I am crazy."

He walked over to her and pulled her into his arms. "No Amanda," he whispered, "you're not crazy."

* * *

Jamie stood in the dark room of the Arlington Gazette developing pictures. Afternoon classes for the senior class at his school had been cancelled so the students could listen to a guest speaker in the auditorium. Jamie elected not to attend but instead decided to go into work early.

He knew he should have been developing pictures for the newspaper but he hadn't had a chance to develop the pictures from the family trip to the lake and decided to do them instead. He wanted to surprise his mother with them that evening. Perhaps seeing them would cheer her up. She'd been a little down lately. He'd become pretty good at sneaking around the house listening to their conversations and just remaining inconspicuous so he knew the reason for her current mood – she thought she saw Birol that day at the mall. That was the reason she had been so anxious to leave and why agents had been placed around the house for the next few days. But she had been wrong. Jamie thought this would have been good news until he realized that the agency, and even she herself, was now questioning her sanity.

He flipped through a few of the pictures that were ready. They were beautiful. He was sure his mother would love them. He smiled when he came across the picture of the entire family together. He had placed the camera on a tripod and set the timer so he could be in the picture too. He wished Phillip could have been there.

He was about to turn to the next picture when something in the background caught his attention. What is that, an animal? 'No' he thought, it's a person. He grabbed a magnifying glass from the table nearby for a closer look. "Oh, my gosh," he gasped in horror. With the picture and magnifying glass in hand he dashed out the door.

* * *

"Mrs. Stetson, I want to thank you for assisting with the bake sale," Emily's teacher said to Amanda.

The Arlington PTA committee was participating in the annual fall carnival to help raise money for a couple of local charities. Emily's preschool was holding a bake sale at the carnival. Amanda had baked cookies for the event and had taken the day off from work to volunteer her services. Not only did it give her a chance to spend time with Emily but it also freed her from another session with Dr. Phaff. They had already met twice that week and she was drained. She was determined to finally get better, but although technically she knew Birol had to be dead, mentally she couldn't forget what she saw.

"Oh, it's my pleasure Ms. Johnson. I think it's a wonderful way to teach kids the importance of helping others."

"Well it looks like we're done here. Are you and Emily heading home now?"

"Not yet. My mother left a message at the information desk that she wants us to meet her in the Exhibit Hall in about five minutes. She's getting married in a few months and probably wants to see if she could buy something there for her wedding. So we're going to head over there now."

"Well thanks again and Emily, I'll you see at school tomorrow."

The Exhibit Hall was located in the back of the carnival site. Behind it was a small parking lot used mainly for loading and unloading merchandise and then a small forest. Inside the hall were arts and crafts and other merchandise on display and sale.

Amanda entered the hall and glanced around in search of her mother. She looked again at the note she had received to see if there was some indication as to where her mother wanted to meet her. Finding nothing she decided to look around at all the displays until her mother arrived.

"Excuse me Miss. I think your daughter dropped this."

Amanda turned to see a tall man holding a small red jacket in his hand. The man was in his early 50s with salt and pepper hair, a matching beard and heavy accent.

"Yes, that's my daughter's jacket. Thank you."

"It's going to get pretty chilly outside later. I wouldn't want the little girl to be without it."

Amanda took the jacket and put it on Emily. She watched the man suspiciously as he walked away. Something about him seemed familiar. Then again, 'maybe I'm just being paranoid' she thought.

* * *

Jamie was pacing the floor when Lee walked into the Q-Bureau. "Jamie, what are you doing here?"

"Mom was right. Where is she?" he asked walking towards Lee.

"She's not here. She took the day off for Emily's bake sale, remember. What are you talking about? She was right about what?"

"That Birol guy … she was right. He's alive."

"Wait … Slow down! What do you know about Birol?"

Jamie took a deep breathe. "I heard you and Francine talking in the backyard. I know Birol's a terrorist who kidnapped mom six years go." He glanced down at the floor before continuing. "And I know what he did to her?"

Lee was completely shocked by this revelation. "Oh God, Jamie, we … your mother, never want you and Phillip to learn about that."

"Phillip doesn't know. I didn't tell him. I couldn't."

"Jamie, I'm sorry." Lee ran his hands through his hair. How does he explain this? "I should have protected her better. I never should have let him get that close to her."

"Mom always said that working with the agency was her decision. I don't blame you for what happened. I know you would give your life for all of us. Besides, if it wasn't for you and Francine she may not have made it out alive." Jamie removed the picture from his pocket and stepped toward Lee. "Lee, mom was right. Birol is alive. I have a picture of him …"

"Wait, how did you know Francine and I were responsible for finding her? And how do you know what Birol looks like anyway?"

Jamie knew he'd said too much. He took another deep breath before beginning. "I stole your password and went into the agency database."

"You WHAT?"

"Lee I know I shouldn't have did it and I know I'm probably in trouble but can we focus on that later, look!"

He handed Lee the picture and magnifying glass. "It's from our trip to the lake."

Lee eyed the picture closely. Not believing what he was looking at he walked to the window for better light. "Where'd you get this?"

"It's from the pictures I took at the lake. I developed them today. He was there."

Lee quickly turned and grabbed the phone. "We have to find your mother."

* * *

The bearded man walked out of the Exhibit Hall and down the walking path. He took a seat on a bench next to a man wearing a baseball cap.

"She's inside with her daughter," the bearded man whispered.

"Is everyone in place?"

"Yes, everything's set."

"Excellent."

"Are you sure you want to do this? Everyone thinks you're dead. We could return to Saudi Arabia without any problem, regroup and return with an even bigger strike on the U.S."

"I spent the last six years sitting in a filthy prison cell waiting for the right moment, the opportunity to finally get revenge on Scarecrow and his precious Amanda. They took my life, my freedom. Now the agency thinks she's lost her mind. Even Scarecrow must be questioning his wife's sanity. By the end of this evening, Amanda and her daughter would have disappeared without a trace. Then in a few days I'll put Scarecrow out of his misery and reveal to him that I, Adi Birol, am alive and has once again taken what belongs to him. Yes, my dear friend, I'm sure."

* * *

Amanda glanced down at her watch. Her mother was twenty minutes late. That wasn't like her. She was starting to get worried. 'Maybe I should call home,' she thought. She was about to reach for her cell phone when she suddenly remembered she'd left it in the car. The phone was agency issued and since she hadn't been working in the field she often forgot to carry it with her. She looked around the room in search of a pay phone.

"Mommy, look!" Emily exclaimed. She had been engrossed in watching a demonstration of some new talking toy. "It's just like the one at the mall."

"Yeah honey, I see … _mall_!" She looked at Emily then at the toy. She suddenly remembered. It was the mall. That's where she'd seen the bearded man. He was at the mall that night she thought she saw Birol. She saw him when she walked out of the boutique. He was sitting there – watching her. She was so focused on the man she thought was Birol that she didn't pay him any attention.

She glanced around the hall – searching for – there he was. She saw him walking back into the hall and stopped at one of the display booths. He glanced her way briefly then turned away as if he hadn't seen her. She looked down at the display of toys Emily was focused on and pretended to be interested but she was watching him. Then she saw it. He nodded his head towards someone. She looked in that direction and saw another man in blue jeans and a black leather jacket at a booth to her left. In response to the nod, he moved to a booth closer to her. She watched his eyes move towards the opposite side of the room. She looked to her right and saw a third man, a little younger than the other two. She was being watched - cornered. They were there for her. 'Oh God,' she thought, 'Emily.'

"Come on honey. Let's go see what else they have here." Amanda took Emily by the hand and led her down the large exhibit hall away from the three men. She stopped occasionally at one of the booths and feigned interest in the merchandise. This gave her a chance to get a glimpse of where her pursuers were while she scanned the room for a way out. As they neared the back of the hall, she realized they were running out of options. Either direction she moved in now would place them closer to one of their pursuers.

Suddenly she saw a door in the back of the hall. It was propped open by a door stopper as two men carried out boxes of additional merchandise. There had to be a 'receiving area' or back door through there. That's was their way out. She needed to create a distraction. Next to the booth where they stood she saw a footstool. This gave her an idea.

She knelled down next to her daughter. "Emily honey, you and I are going to play a little game."

"Game!" Emily answered excitedly.

"Yeah! Do you remember when your brothers taught you how to play 'hide and seek', they said that when looking for a place to hide, it is important that you move quickly and be very …"

"Quiet," Emily whispered.

"Right! Now, in a few minutes, you and I are going to go through that door over there and I need you to remain very quiet until we get to the car. Do you think you could do that for me?"

"Yes."

Amanda saw one of the men emerge from the door once more carrying a stack of boxes. "Okay, get ready," she said to Emily as she stood up. She watched his steps closely. Once he was in the desired position, she took her foot and kicked the footstool in his path. The young man tripped over the footstool sending him and the boxes flying. The noise from the crash caused quit a commotion as many scrambled to see what had happened. Holding Emily's hand, Amanda quickly ducked behind the booth and made her way to the back of the hall and through the door. Releasing the door stopper, she shut the door behind them.

"Where'd they go," the bearded man asked the other two men after making his way through the crowd to join them.

"I don't know," answered the man in the leather jacket. "She was just here a minute ago." They scanned the room franticly for some sign of them. "Do you think she realized she was being watched?"

"Even if she did she couldn't have gotten far."

"I'm okay, I'm okay" the man who'd fallen said as his friend helped him up. He was feeling a little embarrassed and angry. "Where'd that stool come from?" He turned back towards the door. "Oh no, did you close the door."

"No, I could have sworn I left it open."

"Great! Come on, we have to go around to the back entrance."

"Well, I guess we know where she went," the bearded man said to the other two. "Let's follow them."

It didn't take Amanda long to locate the door to the receiving area. She pushed at the door but it wouldn't budge. She realized there was some type of lock on the outside. 'I guess we're going up,' she thought turning to the freight elevator but it required a special key for operation. There had to be another way. Glancing upward she saw an arrow pointing to the stairwell.

She pushed open the stairwell door and listened closely. Hearing nothing, she picked up Emily and made her way up the stairs. When she reached the second level, she put Emily down and opened the door slowly. If someone was there with a gun she wanted to make sure her daughter was out of the way of gunfire.

With Emily behind her, Amanda made her way down the long second floor hallway. She turned the knob to several of the doors of which she assumed was offices, in hopes of finding a phone, but they were locked. The one door that did open was to a storage area. She came upon a stretch of hall leading in a separate direction and was tempted to take it but decided to continue forward. The hall was sectioned by a door at the midpoint. She was about to push it open when someone suddenly opened it from the other end. Startled, Amanda jumped back and pushed Emily further behind her.

"Dean!"

"Amanda! What are you doing here?"

"I was just about to ask you the same thing."

"The T.V. station is one of the sponsors of the fair. I volunteer to work at fair on my day off every year. I …"

"Dean," she said cutting him off. "Do you know another way out of here?"

"Another way?" Dean looked at her suspiciously. "Amanda, how did you two get back here? Why are you here?"

"Shush" She silenced him. She could hear approaching footsteps. "Quick, someone's coming." She picked up Emily and rushed back down the hall and into the storage room.

"What? Wait …" Confused, Dean followed them down the hall and into the room. He watched as Amanda locked the door. "Amanda, what …"

She placed her index finger over her mouth silencing him again. They listened quietly as the footsteps came nearer. She could hear doorknobs being turned. The footsteps stopped in front of the door to the storage room and she saw the knob turn. Unable to open the door, the person moved on down the hall.

"Okay Amanda what's going on?" Dean asked when they no longer heard footsteps.

"Emily, honey" she whispered, "I see a good hiding place for our game. Go stand in the back there behind those boxes. Stay there until I call you okay."

"K," she rushed off excited.

"Dean, I need you to help us get out of here."

"Amanda, what's this all about? What's going on?"

"Some men were following us. We went through a door that led us here and we need to find a way out before they find us."

"Who are these men? Why are they following you?"

"I don't know who they are?"

"Then show them to me and I'll get security."

"Any sign of them?" they heard a man yell down the hall. Amanda grabbed Dean's hand just as he was about to unlock the door.

"No, I don't see them anywhere and most of the rooms are locked," the second man stated in answer to his friend's question. They were right outside the room.

"Adnan," one of the men outside the room yelled in his walkie-talkie to the bearded man, "There's no sign of them. It looks like we lost them."

"They didn't come out this way I'm standing by the door. They must still be inside. Keep looking."

"You idiots," a second voice answered across the walkie-talkie.

Recognizing the voice, Amanda gasped and threw her hand over her mouth. "Birol," she whispered.

"I don't care if you have to search every inch of this park, I want Amanda Stetson and her daughter captured and brought to me."

"Come on let go this way," they heard one of the men say. Then they ran down the hall.

"Dean, do you have a phone with you?" Amanda asked him once she was sure the men were gone.

"Yes … uhm … no, it's in my bag in my car."

"Dean, I need you to take Emily and get out of here."

"What? What about you?"

"I need to find a way to stall them so you'll have time to get away."

"Amanda what' going on?"

"Dean, you need to go now."

"No, not until you tell me why those men are after you. Who's this Birol person?" Amanda looked up at him quizzically. "You recognized his voice. I heard you say his name. Who is he?"

"Okay." She took a deep breath. "He's a terrorist. A couple of months ago he escaped from a maximum security prison and was thought to have been killed. Obviously it was a mistake."

"Terrorist! Amanda, this is crazy. How would you even know all of this?"

"I know because I work for the government. I … I'm a Federal Agent."

Dean eyed her curiously. "You're a spy? Come on, do you really expect me to believe …" His words were cut short when Amanda pulled her badge from her purse and held it out to him. He pulled her hand closer so he could get a better look at it. "Oh my god, you're serious. You're a spy."

"Yes it's true."

"Fine, but you still haven't told me why he's wants the two of you."

"That's a long story – one that I don't have time to tell. But now you understand why I need to get Emily out of here. I know this guy. I know what he's like and what he's capable of. I can't let him get my daughter."

"Okay, what do you need me to do?"

"I want you to take Emily and head back in the direction you came. Talk to no one and don't stop until you've reached your car. I'm going to head in the opposite direction towards them. I should be able to keep them busy long enough so you'll have time to get away."

"What if they catch you?"

"I'll handle it. Don't worry about me. Here …" He took the card she held out to him. "… after you've gotten far away, I need you to call this number. It's a special agency hotline. Ask for Lee Stetson."

"Your husband? He's involved in this?"

"Tell him where I am and what's going on," Amanda continued ignoring his questions. "Emily honey, come here," Amanda said raising her voice slightly to ensure her daughter could hear her. "I need you to go with uncle Dean."

"Is he playing the game too?"

"Yes honey he's playing."

She removed Emily's red jacket. She knew Birol's men saw it earlier and would probably recognize it. Looking around, she removed a baseball cap from one of the boxes and placed it on her daughter head. She instructed Dean to remove his jacket then she picked up Emily and placed her in his arms and placed the jacket around her daughter.

"If my husband isn't there," she continued, "ask for Billy Melrose or Francine."

"Francine?"

"Are Uncle Billy and Aunt Francine playing too?"

"Yes, they are. Honey, you're doing a great job so far but I need you to do one more thing for me. I need you to keep your head here on Dean's shoulder and pretend to be asleep. Keep it down until he tells you it's okay to look up. Do you think you could do that for me?"

"Yes mommy."

"Dean, you're ready."

"Yes, I think so." He didn't want to tell her the truth that he felt a little sick to his stomach.

Amanda listened carefully at the door. Hearing nothing, she slowly opened it and glanced up and down the hall. "Come on." Dean exited the room and turned to go in the direction Amanda had instructed him. "Wait!" She quickly went to them and kissed her daughter on the forehead. "Remember mommy love you," she whispered then backed away. "Go."

Amanda stood there for a moment and watched them move down the hall. Then she turned and headed in the opposite direction.

Dean quickly moved down the hall silently praying that they wouldn't be confronted by one of those men. He still couldn't believe what was going on. He couldn't remember why he'd even gone upstairs. Finally, he arrived at the elevator he'd road up on. He pushed the down button and waited anxiously. When the elevator doors opened he stepped inside with Emily and headed for the first floor.

On the first floor, he was met with several other workers and volunteers, some preparing to put out more merchandise and some preparing to leave as their replacements arrived. A couple of acquaintances called to him after he left the elevator but he remained focused and headed straight for the door. Outside the exit door of the Exhibit Hall he saw a bearded man. Their eyes locked immediately and he remembered what the first man had said over the walkie-talkie, _"I'm waiting outside the door"_. He realizing that he must be that man. His heart was beating so quickly he thought it'd jump out of his chest. Dean turned away quickly and began walking away but he could feel the man's eyes still on them. The man was suspicious. From the corner of his right eye, he could see the man take a step towards them. Then he heard a voice call over the man's walkie-talkie.

"Adnan, they're here. We've spotted them. We're in pursuit."

"Okay," the man answered. He turned away from Dean and rushed back to the door, "I'm on my way."

Dean began to walk faster. He had to get to his car, get his phone and make that call. But he was still parked a good distance away. By the time he gets help it could be too late. Then he got an idea. Taking a detour, he entered the park's Information Center.

There were two women behind the counter of the Information Center. One was standing at the counter giving directions to a park visitor and the younger woman was on the phone. When they entered, she quickly hung up the phone and approached them.

"Hi Dean," she said smiling flirtatiously, "I really enjoyed your news coverage last night."

"Thank you … its Lisa, right."

"Yeah, I'm glad you remembered. Is this your daughter?"

"No! This is my friend Emily."

"Hello Emily"

"Listen, Jill can I use your phone. It's an emergency."

"Sure, come on. It's in the back office."

Dean walked around the counter and followed the young woman to the back room. He didn't want Emily to hear the phone conversation so he sat her in a chair just inside the office, away from the phone. Anxiously, he dialed the number on the card Amanda had given him. Fortunately, Francine was monitoring the agency's hotline and answered the call. He quickly relayed the message Amanda had given him and hung up the phone.

"Is everything okay," Jill said entering the room. She had been watching from a distance and saw him hang up the phone.

"Jill, I was wondering if you could do me one more favor. Could you watch Emily for me?"

"Sure, anything you ask," she smiled

Dean gave Emily some paper to draw on and left her in the office, closing the door behind her. "Thanks Jill, I should be back shortly with her mother."

She opened her mouth to say 'you're welcome' but he was already gone.

* * *

"No Lee, Amanda's not here," Dotty said in response to Lee's inquiries about Amanda's whereabouts, "I haven't seen or heard from Amanda since this morning. What's happened now?"

"I can't go into details but I'm sending a car to the house to pick you up and bring you to the agency. Jamie 's already here. I'm going to the park to see if I can find her. If she comes back before you leave, please have her call me."

Lee had just hung up the receiver when Francine rushed in.

"Lee, I just had the strangest call from Dean. He's at the carnival in the park. He said Emily was with him and something about Amanda being in trouble and Adi Birol."

"Jamie, you stay here," Lee yelled as the boy stood up, "Francine let's go."

* * *

Amanda moved cautiously down the hall. Her mind was on Dean and Emily and whether they had made it out of the building yet. 'Would the one waiting outside recognize Emily,' she wondered.

It didn't take her long to catch up to the two men. She had just rounded the second corridor when she heard them. They had found an office that was unlocked and was searching it. She eased up next to the door so she could hear them better.

"They're not here," she heard one of them say. "I think they may have slipped past us somehow. You keep searching in this direction; I'm going to head back the other way."

She had to find a way to keep them away from the exit to give Dean and Emily a chance to get away. Glancing down the hall, she saw the stairwell she and Emily had come up. She reached in her purse and pulled out a pen. 'It'd have to do.' She placed the pen on the floor and kicked it past the office door, sending it crashing into wall. The two men rushed out into the hall. Glancing around they saw Amanda run into the stairwell. "There they are," one man yelled as they started after her assuming her daughter must be with her as well.

Amanda entered the stairwell and headed up the stairs toward the roof. When the men entered, they saw no sign of her. Not knowing which way she went, they decided to split up – one went down the stairs while the other went up. With his gun drawn, the younger man opened the door to the roof. He cautiously moved around looking for some sign of her whereabouts. Then he saw it. Her shoes sticking out from her hiding place.

"Come on out slowly," he yelled out. Suddenly his world went black as Amanda hit him from behind with a wooden plank. After he had fallen to the floor, she put on her shoes, picked up his gun and walkie-talkie and ran back to the exit door.

She exited the stairwell onto the second floor and started down the hall when suddenly the bearded man rounded the corner. She stopped and stared at him as he raised his gun toward her.

"Mrs. Stetson," he began, "You're a difficult woman to find. I have someone waiting to see you."

Realizing the girl was missing he began glancing around. Out of the corner of his eye he saw an object and ducked just as Dean swung a broom over his head. Finding his footing, the bearded man turned his gun on Dean. This little distraction was all Amanda needed. She removed the gun she had hidden in the back of her jeans and hit him across the back of the head knocking him out instantly.

"What are you doing here," she said to Dean, "where's Emily."

"She's somewhere safe … I couldn't leave you here alone."

They heard footsteps and realized the third man was heading back up the stairs.

"We need to go."

Amanda and Dean ran down the hall towards the rear exit. When they reached the elevator, Amanda pushed the down button and glanced anxiously back down the hall. She knew their pursuer couldn't be too far behind.

"This way," Dean said finally leading her away from the elevator to the nearby stairs. They exited the staircase to the first floor and quickly ran outside the side entrance.

"Come on, I left Emily with a friend in the Information Center."

They ran along the side of the building and were about to enter the front lane when she saw the baseball cap. It was the same one from that night at the mall. She stopped suddenly as the man wearing it turned her way.

"Amanda, what's wrong?" Dean asked a little bewildered.

"It's him … Birol."

Dean followed her eyes to the man in the baseball cap. When he took a step towards them, they quickly turned back in the direction for which they had come when their pursuer in the leather jacket ran out of the door.

"This way," Amanda said to Dean and they both ran into the park's forest. She knew there was a highway somewhere on the other side; perhaps if they could make it there, they could get some help. When she glanced back, she could see the men were gaining on them. For her and Dean to have a chance of escape, she had to find a way to slow them down. She took the gun she held and fired a shot in their direction. Her plan worked as both men stopped their progress and ducked to avoid the bullet.

"You go that way," Birol yelled to his accomplice.

A few moments later, Amanda stopped and turned back to fire another shot but she failed to see the man in the leather jacket approaching from her left side.

"Amanda, look out!" Dean yelled.

Amana turned to her left and fired a shot, barely missing him. Angered, he fired a shot back. Dean ran back to her and pulled her towards him just as the bullet hit him in his side, the force of the impact sending them both falling down a small embankment.

"You idiot," Birol said as he reached the man and grabbed his gun. "I want her alive."

The two men were about to head down the embankment, when the sound of footsteps and voices alerted them that people were approaching.

"Amanda!" Birol heard one of the men yell and realized Scarecrow was coming. He cursed in anger realizing his plans were ruined. "Come on let's get out of here."

"What about the others?"

"They'll have to take care of themselves."

"Amanda!" Lee yelled again for the third time. He and Francine arrived at the park with two teams of agents and had just exited the corvette when the shots began. "AMANDA!"

"I'm down here," she finally responded. She was knelling beside Dean applying pressure to his womb to stop the bleeding.

Lee descended the embankment and rushed to her side. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine but Dean's been shot. He needs a doctor fast."

Dean swallowed, "Emily …" he began than started coughing."

"I know Dean, don't try to talk." Amanda turned to her husband, "Lee, Dean left Emily in the Information Center."

"I'll get her," one of the other agents said to Lee then rushed off.

"DEAN!" Francine yelled frantically rushing to his side. Knelling next to him she took his hand in hers and pushed his hair from his face. "What … What happened?" she asked looking at Amanda.

"He saved my life," she answered as Dean slipped into unconsciousness.

* * *

"I WANT TO KNOW HOW THIS HAPPENED," Lee yelled as he paced the floor of Billy's office. "They told us Birol was DEAD. But Amanda saw him. She was right this whole time. But we were told she was _hallucinating_," he stated as he glared at Dr. Phaff who sat on the couch in the corner.

"I made the best observation I could considering the information I had at the time."

"But you were _wrong_ and it nearly cost Amanda her life."

"I know … and for that I'm sorry."

"Sorry! You're SORRY! THAT'S ALL YOU…"

"Scarecrow that's ENOUGH," Billy yelled speaking for the first time. He had let Lee rant on long enough. "Now, before you start pointing fingers and placing blame remember that taking Amanda out of the field was _my_ call."

"Yes, but based on _his_ recommendation."

"No, based on the evidence. Lee, you were with me in New York, you saw Birol's body. Two autopsies confirmed it was him. There is no way any of us could have known he was still alive." He paused before continuing. "We _all _had our doubts about Amanda's story."

Lee looked at Billy sharply but said nothing. They both knew that Lee's anger was partially directed at himself for doubting his wife's sighting of Birol.

Dr. Phaff stood and walked toward the door. "I think I'll go over to the Infirmary and make sure your family got settled in okay."

"Yeah, thanks," was all Lee said offering no apology for his earlier comments. Running his hands through his hair, he walked to the back to the office, his mind on what Billy had said earlier.

Lee I know you're angry and you have every right to be. I'm upset about this too. But you have got to CALM DOWN. Otherwise you're no good to any of us."

"He almost got my family Billy," he paused visibly shaken. "You know what he did to Amanda the last time … and Emily's only four."

"Lee I promise you we will find Birol. In the meantime, I'll do everything in my power to keep your family safe."

They both turned towards the door as Amanda walked in. Billy watched as Lee quickly walked over to her and pulled her into his arms. Since news of their marriage became public, they had always tried to maintain a professional relationship at the office - not showing any visible signs of affection lest anyone, i.e. Dr. Smith, tried to claim their working relationship was a distraction. Although, it was well known throughout the agency that a locked Q-Bureau door didn't always mean that they were out to lunch.

"Are you okay," Lee whispered to her as they began to depart.

"Yes, I'm fine."

"And Emily?"

Amanda snickered, "Oh, she's great. She thinks it was all just a game."

"Amanda I'm happy to see you're okay," Billy stated.

"Thank you Sir."

"And I want to apologize for not believing you about Birol being alive."

"It's okay sir, I understand. I don't think I would have believed me either. Birol did a great job at fooling all of us. Any word yet on Dean's condition."

"Yes, Francine called from the hospital a few minutes ago. The surgery went well. They were able to remove the bullet. They think he's going to be okay."

"Oh, good!"

"Francine's going to stay with him until he wakes up."

"Amanda, how did Dean get involved in this anyway?"

"He volunteers at the festival each year. Emily and I were in the Exhibit Hall when I realized those men were following us. I started looking for a way out and found my way upstairs and there Dean was. I think he was just looking for some supplies and ended up in the wrong place at the wrong time. I hope he's going to be okay, I feel awful."

"I'm sure he will be," Lee stated rubbing his wife's back consolingly.

"Amanda, I'm going to need you to give a complete briefing a little later."

"Yes sir."

Billy opened his mouth to speak but was stopped by the ringing of the phone. "Melrose here," he stated into the receiver. "Are you sure?" he asked letting out a deep breath. "Where'd you find him … Where are you now … Good … See what else you can find out and keep me posted."

"Billy what is it?" Lee questioned anxiously as Billy hung up the phone."

"That was the New York office. They have the agency's forensic expert in custody. He's the one who performed the autopsies on Birol. It seems Birol's people paid him a hundred thousand to fake the results. He was caught trying to leave the country."

"I don't believe this," Lee began angrily, "You mean one of own agents was helping Birol."

"Unfortunately, when the money is right even a good agent can be turned."

"Then who was the person in the morgue," Amanda asked.

"We're not sure yet."

"I'm going to New York. I want to question him myself."

"No you're not."

"Billy I almost lost my family today because of this guy," Lee said raising his voice, "I need some answers."

"I know and we will get them but Birol is still out there somewhere. We don't know what he's planning next. Your family needs you here and I need to make sure you all stay safe."

Pondering what Billy said he looked at Amanda. She looked tired. "Yes … I guess you're right." He reached over and stroked his wife's hair reassuringly.

"Come In," Billy yelled in response to the sudden knock at his office door.

"Excuse me Mr. Melrose," the young female agent said nervously walking through the door, "I was working the switchboard and …"

"What is it Julie?" The young woman reminded him a lot of Amanda during her first couple of years with the agency.

"Sir, there's a man on the phone asking to speak to Mr. Stetson … Scarecrow. He says his name is Adi Birol."

The room was silent for a moment as Billy, Lee and Amanda exchanged looks. "Put him through to my line," Billy said to the agent, "and make sure the call is being traced."

Billy watched the young agent through the glass until she gave the signal that the trace was set. "Remember Lee; try to keep him talking as long as possible." When the line buzzed Billy hit the 'speaker' button so they all could hear the conversation.

"Scarecrow here."

"Ah! Scarecrow. Well, well, well, it's been a long time."

"Birol," he responded through clinched teeth. "I would say it's nice to hear from you but I'll be lying. I admit I was a little disappointed to hear that you weren't really dead."

"Yes, well I'll admit I really hadn't planned for you find out this way. I was actually hoping for a nice long reunion with Mrs. King first. Oh wait, that's right its Mrs. Stetson now. I heard the two of you were married and have three children. What are their names? Phillip, Jamie and Emily right."

Amanda felt a chill and wrapped her arms around herself. Lee watched the tense look on her face as she stared at the phone. Birol had certainly done his homework on their family.

"Yes, you have such a lovely family. I hope you enjoyed your time at the cabin. The family certainly seemed to enjoy themselves. I wanted to make my presence known but I decided to be generous and let your family enjoy one last vacation together."

"Birol, it's only a matter of time before you're caught so why don't you save us all a little time and aggravation by turning yourself in." He was trying his best not to react to the things Birol had said.

"My, that Emily _is_ a beauty," Birol continued as if he hadn't heard Lee's offer. "Just like her mother. You're a lucky man Scarecrow. It's been six years but I tell you, those days I spent with your wife still burn in my memory like it was yesterday. I'm sure our reunion _will_ be just as memorable. "

Lee couldn't take it any longer. He wouldn't subject his wife to anymore of this man's reveling over what he'd done to her. His anger taking over, he grabbed the receiver, taking the phone off speaker. "You listen to me you sick freak because I'm only going to say this once. You will _never_ touch her again. If you even attempt to come anywhere near my wife or my kids or any member of my family again, I _swear_ I _will_ kill you."

For a moment no one said anything. Birol was so quiet that Lee almost thought he may have hung up; but the silence didn't last long. "Well Scarecrow," he began with a smug sound to his voice, "it seems that's a challenge I'm going to have to accept. Incidentally, do you know where all your kids are tonight?"

Lee heard a click as Birol disconnected the line. "Where are the kids"," Lee yelled, a sinking feeling developing in his stomach.

"What?" Amanda was a little startled by his outburst.

"Scarecrow what's wrong?"

"Where are the kids," he yelled again.

"They're downstairs in the Infirmary. Why?"

"Are you sure?"

"YES! I just left Jamie and Emily there with mother. Lee what's wrong?"

He was about to take a sigh of relief when suddenly it hit him. "Oh my god! … Phillip!"

Lee grabbed the phone and quickly dialed his stepson's number. It wasn't until the fifth ring that he finally let himself believe the truth - Phillip was gone.

Page 20 of 20


	10. Chapter 9

Time to Heal Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Lee sat on the edge of the bed watching his daughter sleep. They were in one of the small rooms used by agents for rest when they had to pull an all-nighter. It was decided the family would remain at the agency for the evening and be transported to a safe-house in the morning.

Lee took his hand and pushed back a single curl of Emily's brown hair that had fallen in her face. Dotty had once showed him a picture of Amanda when she was about that age. He marveled at how much she looked like her mother. Clutched protectively in her arms was the stuffed teddy she won at the fair that day. She had been so excited to tell him about her day – the games, the food, the exhibits, and then hide-and-seek with mother and Uncle Dean. To her the day had been full of fun. She was completely unaware of the danger that surrounded her.

He stood to leave the room but paused first to look at Jamie who slept next to Emily. He thought of his conversation with Jamie earlier, all he'd done and heard over the past few weeks. He began to wonder if Jamie was really sleeping or just pretending. He'd become so good at fooling them … so good at lying … so good at spying. He felt partly proud and partly terrified.

"Are the kids alright?" Amanda asked Lee as he exited the room closing the door behind him. She had been standing in the doorway watching them.

"Yeah, they're fine." He placed his hand on her back and gently led her away from the door. "How are you?"

"I keep thinking about Phillip."

"Amanda, we're going to find him."

"We have no idea where they're holding him."

He stopped walking and pulled her into his arms, holding her reassuringly. "I know but we're working on a few leads. Something's going to turn up, I promise."

"There may be a way to get an agent in with Birol," she stated hesitantly.

Lee pulled back and looked at her. "What do you have in mind?"

Amanda took a deep breath before speaking. "We can let Birol capture me."

"WHAT? NO WAY!"

"You heard what he said on the phone. He said '_when_ he and I are reunited'. Lee, he still plans to come after me; he was practically giving us an angle."

"I DON'T CARE WHAT HE SAID."

"Lee, please keep your voice down," Amanda cautioned trying to calm him fearful he may awaken the kids.

He turned and took a couple of steps away from her trying to get his anger under control. "You're not doing this," he stated finally.

"I just can't stand by and do nothing; not when Phillip's life is on the line."

"You think this isn't killing me. I'm worried about him too, but I'm not going to just hand you over to Birol."

"Lee, it won't be like last time," she pleaded. "I could wear a tracking device and …"

"I said NO!" he yelled. He couldn't believe they we're having this conversation.

"Lee if I were any other agent …"

"But you're _not_ any other agent … You never have been. That's why you were the perfect target for Birol six years ago. I refuse to let him get anywhere near you or anyone else I care about ever again." They both stared silently for a moment. Amanda bowed her head in defeat; aware that there was no way she would win this argument.

Lee moved his right hand alone her cheek and down to her chin lifting her head until she looked at him. When he spoke again his voice was much calmer. "I will find Phillip and I'll make sure he gets home, even if it means trading my life for his."

***********smksmksmk***********

"You and Lee aren't coming with us?" Jamie asked his mom watching her kiss Emily goodbye while she lay sleeping in her grandmother's arms. It was nearly 6 a.m. and they were in the agency's garage waiting to leave for the safe house. Lee wanted them to leave early before traffic got too heavy and while there were few prying eyes.

"No honey, we need to stay here and try to see if we could finally put an end to all this mess." The look on her mother's face as she stepped into the backseat of the car with Emily showed her disapproval of the situation.

"Mom, what about Phillip? Wouldn't it be safer if he stayed at the 'safe house' with us this time instead of at the dorm?"

"Well," she began, suddenly feeling a little queasy. She glanced over at Lee. He was busy giving security instructions to the agents assigned to the 'safe house' as well as a little warning about what would happen if they failed to protect his family.

"Mom?"

"Yes, we're working on getting Phillip here," she responded her voice cracking at the end.

"Mom, are you alright?"

"Yes, I'm fine."

"Are you sure? Maybe I should stay here. I could help look through the film I took from our trip."

"Thanks honey but we already have someone at the agency to do that." She could see that he was still a little hesitant to leave. "Jamie, I talked to Lee. I know that you are aware of some things that happened in the past with Birol … about what happened to me, and I know this may frighten you a little but I want you to know that I'm okay. Once all this is over, I think we need to sit down and talk about it. But right now if you want to help I need you to go with your grandmother and sister to the 'safe house'."

"Okay, I'll go."

"Thank you," she said hugging him.

"Mom, just be careful."

***********smksmksmk***********

The day dragged on slowly. At least that's how it seemed to a mother who was worried about her son. None of the leads they thought they had proved productive. The agency had captured Birol's young assistant that Amanda knocked out on the roof of the Exhibit Hall. They questioned him extensively, even threatened him at times, yet he refused to give any information. They had expected Birol to call back with some demands, but he never called. What that could possibly mean caused Amanda to worry more. They worked all night and when morning came, they found themselves no closer to Birol then they had been the day before.

Amanda leaned against the wall in the Bullpen sipping a cup of coffee. Lee had just returned from another interrogation on their prisoner. He had finally managed to break the young man, scare him into cooperating, only to learn that he actually knew nothing at all. He was never privy to the details of their assignment. Looking through the blinds into Lee's office she could see the frustration on his face as he conversed with Billy. Taking another sip of coffee, Amanda glanced at the clock. It was 10 a.m. – Over 36 hours since Phillip's abduction. Time was running out. Why hadn't Birol called? Finishing the last sip of her coffee she discarded the cup into the trash and walked into Lee's office.

"Excuse me Lee … Sir," she stated from inside the doorway.

Lee walked over to the door entrance, "Everything okay?"

"Yes, I'm going up to the Q-Bureau. I need to rest my eyes for a moment?"

"That's a good idea. You've been up all night. I'll come get you when we get something."

Amanda closed the door behind her and walked out of the bullpen toward the elevator speaking to a few agents she passed along the way. She raised her hand to push the button on the elevator than glanced around. Seeing no one was watching her, she turned and continued down the hall. Ten minutes later she entered the elevator, but instead of heading up to the Q-Bureau she headed for the exit. She knew Lee would be angry but she had to do it. Birol wasn't going to call. She knew that now. He wasn't coming to them because he knew she would do what any mother would do. She was coming for her son.

***********smksmksmk***********

She arrived home twenty minutes later and quickly made her way up the stairs and into her bedroom. Reaching in the back of her closet, she removed the locked silver box that contained her revolver. She'd never cared much for guns. Over the years she came to accept them as a part of her job. Since she was taken out of the field she hadn't touched it at all, but now, for the sake of her son's life she felt she had to. Placing the revolver in her purse, Amanda headed down the stairs not exactly sure of where she was going. Something Birol had said on the phone about them being reunited made her think of the place where he held her years ago so that's where she was headed first.

Amanda was almost at the door when she stopped and glanced in the family room. A picture on the mantle caught her attention. She placed her purse on the couch inside and walked over for a closer look. She smiled at the memory of the day the family picture was taken. It was their last family barbeque before Phillip left for college. 'This has to work,' she thought. She raised her hand and stroked the silver butterfly pin on her sweater. It was actually a tracking device. She acquired it from the Communications Office before she left the agency. Lee should be happy to learn she took some precautions.

The knock at the door took her by surprise. For a second she thought that it was Lee, that she had miscalculated how long it would take him to discover she had left the agency but then she realized he wouldn't knock at his own house.

"Hello Mrs. Stetson," Debbie Stevens said when Amanda opened the door. She was dressed in one of her very form fitting jogging suits. Amanda wondered if she ever wore anything else. "Is Lee home?" she asked using his first name in that irritating manner.

"Debbie, this really isn't a good time." Amanda tried to close the door but Debbie stopped it with her hand.

"I just want to know if he thought any more about my interview for that documentary."

"I don't know but I'll let him know you stopped by."

Amanda was about to close the door again when the young woman quickly slipped through the door into the house and past her.

"Perhaps I could speak to him myself?" She stood just outside the family room glancing around the house for some sign of where he may be.

"Debbie …" Amanda began walking behind her.

"It won't take long."

Amanda had had enough. "Well, he's not here right now," she turned to walk back towards the door, "so if you'd please excuse me."

"Good! That's all I needed to know," Debbie said in a cold accented voice Amanda had never heard before.

"What …" She turned back to find a 36 mm revolver staring her in the face.

***********smksmksmk***********

Francine rushed into Lee's office carrying a fax she'd just pulled off the machine. "I think we have it," she yelled to Lee and Billy with a smile on her face.

"What is it?" Billy asked anxiously.

"The New York office just faxed over the sketch of the man and woman who visited Birol in prison based on the guard's description. Look?" Francine handed Lee the sketch of the woman.

"Debbie Stevens?"

"Who?" Billy asked confused.

"My neighbor, the exercise instructor, although I'm sure that's not her real name. She moved into the neighborhood about six months ago."

"Francine, run a check through the computer and let's see if we can find out who she really is."

"I'm already on it."

"I should have known Birol would use a woman," Lee stated in frustration.

"That's not all." Francine handed them the second picture.

"Oh my god!" Lee stared at the picture in disbelief. "Dr. Craig Sorenson."

"The plastic surgeon they found in the Potomac that tried to contact you?"

"Of course! He met Debbie, or whatever her name is, at that gym - Goldbar. They had an affair, she blackmailed him into working for Birol; he found out what they were up to and tried to warn me so they killed him." Lee slammed his fist on the desk. "Amanda wanted to have that sketch done weeks ago," he yelled, "if we had just listened to her maybe we could have stopped Birol from taking Phillip."

"Lee, right now we need to focus on how we can use this information to find Phillip and get Birol."

Lee took a deep breathe, "Yeah, you're right. Amanda's in the Q-Bureau getting some rest. I need to tell her what we found."

"No Lee, she's not there," Francine stated stopping Lee as he turned to leave.

"What do you mean?"

"I was just there. I wanted to check in with the hospital on Dean's condition so I went there for a little privacy. I was on the phone with them when the fax came in. Amanda wasn't there."

"Then where is she?"

***********smksmksmk***********

"Mrs. Stetson … may I call you Amanda?"

Amanda nodded than glanced toward the couch at her purse.

"Amanda, I believe we have a mutual friend who is very anxious to see you again."

"It's been you all this time," she took a slight step closer to the couch. "You moved into this neighborhood to spy on my family for Birol"

"I would apologize for being so deceitful but that is the nature of our business after all."

"Where's my son?"

"Phillip's fine, well at least he was the last time I saw him." She took a step towards Amanda. "If you want to keep it that way I suggest you come with me."

While Debbie was talking, Amanda was slowly inching her hand toward one of the pillows on the couch. Suddenly she grabbed it and flung it at the woman then lunged at her. The two women struggled intensely for control of the gun. Determined not to lose the battle, Debbie pushed Amanda backward while jerking the gun in the other direction. She managed to free herself from Amanda, however, she lost her balance and she and the gun came crashing to the floor. Amanda was about to rush for the gun but realizing Debbie would get to it first, she turned and ran back to the couch for her purse. She had just removed the gun and was about to turn around when she heard the click of Debbie's gun behind her.

"Don't even think about it," Debbie stated between breathes. "Now toss the gun to the side and slowly turn around."

Amanda did as she was told.

"Well Amanda, it seems I underestimated you, but don't try that again. Adi wants you alive. I'll hate to have to disappoint him. Let's go."

There was a black sedan waiting outside her home. Amanda recognized the gentleman driving as the one who shot Dean at the fair. She sat quietly in the backseat of the black sedan thinking about Phillip and whether he was alright. Debbie sat in the front passenger seat.

Though she had been surprised to learn of Debbie connection to Birol, her overall plan had worked – she had been captured. Now all she had to do was find Phillip and wait for Lee to find them, she thought stroking the pin on her sweater

The black sedan slowed as it entered an area with several warehouses and bars. It eventually came to a stop in front of a building Amanda recognized instantly. It was where Birol had out-smarted the agency and kidnapped her. Debbie escorted her from the vehicle and led her inside to a room in the back. When she stepped inside, she saw the bearded man from the fair's Exhibition Hall standing to her left, and then she saw Birol. Her heartbeat began to quicken. It was the first time she had been this close to him since Lee rescued her. She didn't even have to attend the trial. Forever her protector, Lee pulled some favors and she was allowed to testify by video. She knew he would be angry at her for taking this risk but she hoped he understood why she had to.

"Welcome Amanda," Birol stated walking toward her, "I'm pleased you were finally able to join us. We're reunited at last."

Amanda said nothing afraid of revealing how rattled she was at seeing him.

He stood in front of her now. "I hope this occasion is as happy for you as it is for me. You remember Adnan from the other day at the fair." Amanda looked at the bearded man and nodded.

"Leave us," he said addressing his accomplishes.

Adnan left the room immediately but Debbie lingered. She walked over to Birol and kissed him on the cheek. "I'd watch her carefully if I were you. She already tried to escape once." She glared at Amanda then left the room.

"She's really something isn't she?"

"Is that why you sent her to my neighborhood, to befriend _my_ son?"

"Actually, no, I didn't send her after your son at all. That was just a fortunate coincidence for us, one for which you really should blame your husband since he was the intended mark. Our research indicated that she was exactly the type of woman Scarecrow would be interested in, well … at least, before you came along I guess. I can't say I blame him."

Birol leered at her in that way that always made her a bit queasy.

"You know every day for the first year of my imprisonment I expected to see Scarecrow come into my cell and try to kill me for touching his precious Amanda." He circled her slowly as he spoke, an intimidation tactic, at times moving so close he brushed against her hair; his mouth so close that she could feel the warmth of his breathe against her ear and neck. "Then I realized that he didn't know about our night together. That you hadn't told him."

"I guess some moments are more memorable for some than for others."

He stood in front of her now, staring in her face. "Maybe this time, we can create some new memories."

"Where's my son?" Amanda asked firmly refusing to let him rattle her.

"I was hoping we could spend a little more time catching up," he snickered, "but if you insist." He walked past her to the door and left the room."

Amanda exhaled sharply. She hadn't even realized she was holding her breathe. Birol returned a few moments later with Phillip. She saw the look of surprise and relief on his face as she rushed over and hugged him. Birol turned and walked back out the room, leaving them some time to themselves.

"Are you alright?" Amanda asked finally releasing him.

"I'm okay. Mom, what are you doing here?"

"I was looking for you. How'd you get here?"

"Debbie showed up at the university the other day. She said she was in the area and wanted to stop by to see me. She wanted to hangout so I left the campus with her and then the next thing I know I was waking up here. Mom what's going on? Who are these people?"

"Well, let's just say they're not friends?"

"Is he the one you and Lee were worried about?"

"Yes."

"I thought they said he was dead."

"Well, they were wrong."

"What are they going to do to us?"

"Nothing … Phillip, I know you must be a little confused and worried but I want you to know that we will get out of here. Lee is going to find us."

"It's amazing to see how much confidence you have in him." Amanda and Phillip turned to see Birol had returned with the gentleman in the leather jacket. "Always sure that Scarecrow would be there to find you, save you from whatever danger lies in your way. Well, I guess you're right. He won't stop looking until he finds you. Unfortunately, he won't find you here. Sorry, to break up your little reunion so quickly," he stated walking toward them, "but we have a plane to catch."

"Where are we going?"

"I wouldn't want to spoil the surprise by telling you. Before we leave, however, I think I need to make one change to your wardrobe." He walked over to Amanda and yanked the pin from her sweater, ripping it.

Phillip, worried about he was planning to do, jumped at him grabbing his hand. "Don't touch my mother," he threatened.

"Phillip, I'm alright," Amanda stated pulling him back.

Birol stared at Phillip as if amused. "So much like a young Scarecrow. Amanda you must be proud." He held the pin up to Amanda's face. "Did you really think I would believe you would return to that house alone and allow yourself to be captured without any assurance that Scarecrow would be able to find you? You may have fooled the young Debbie with your feign attempt to escape but we both know your goal was to get in here and find your son. Unfortunately for you both, your plan has backfired."

"Okay, Birol you win. Now let my son go."

"What?" Phillip turned in surprise and looked at her.

"You have me now, you don't need him."

"Mom, NO! I won't leave without you."

"I don't know. Perhaps, knowing I'm holding a gun to you son's head will help keep you in line."

"I'll be much more willing to cooperate if I know my son is safe. Let him go and I'll do as you ask."

"You certainly will." Birol raised his hand to Amanda's face and stroke her cheek.

"I said don't touch her," Phillip yelled again angered by Birol's treatment of his mother. He jumped at Birol again this time more forcefully.

"Phillip, NO! PHILLIP!" He heard his mother yell just before the room went black.

***********smksmksmk***********

Matt Connelly knocked on Billy's office door once then turned the knob to enter. Billy was on the phone yelling at an agent on security detail for not informing them when Amanda Stetson had left the building. He exhaled sharply. "Excuse me Mr. Melrose I need to speak to you," he stated wondering just how much trouble he was really in.

A weapons and technical expert recruited from the navy, Matt began his career with the Chicago office. He met Lee and Amanda in 1988 when he and his partner were sent to Washington to work with them on an assignment. His partner and Lee had worked together previously and had reprised an old cover leaving him and Amanda to work surveillance. He rather enjoyed this assignment as it gave him a chance to get to know the lovely Mrs. King he had heard so much about.

Despite rumors that Mrs. King was off-limits, which was facilitated by the glaring looks he received from Scarecrow, he decided to make his move at the end of their assignment. He asked her to dinner which she politely rejected. A few weeks after returning to Chicago, he volunteered for a lengthy assignment oversees. Just before his departure, the agency grapevine was abuzz with news that Scarecrow and Mrs. King were secretly married and were expecting a child. 'She's going to regret it,' he had thought at the time aware Scarecrow was not known for his commitment to relationships.

Matt returned to the states the previous year and was assigned to the Washington office as the technical expert following Leatherneck's retirement. Ironically, he had to work with Lee and Amanda on his first assignment. He and Amanda had worked together since and had become friends, although he was certain Lee still didn't care much for him which could prove to be a problem as Lee was now his boss.

He had heard of Birol's escape from prison and the threats on Amanda's family which led to rumors that Amanda was having some sort of breakdown; rumors that were laid to rest when Birol, once again resurfaced and tried to kidnap she and her daughter and had succeeded in kidnapping her son. When Amanda walked into his office earlier that day looking for assistance, he had gladly given her what she wanted – no questions asked. He wanted to help her anyway he could. It wasn't until he had heard that she had left the agency and possibly went after Birol on her on own that he realized his mistake.

"Whatever you need to talk about has to wait," Billy yelled back at him.

Matt swallowed hard before continuing, "I may have some news about Amanda."

***********smksmksmk***********

The silver corvette roared to a stop in front of the Stetson home. Lee was out of the car and up to the door before Francine could undo her seatbelt.

"AMANDA," he yelled rushing up the stairs. He quickly glanced around the bedroom and bathroom and was about to leave when he spotted her gun box case lying on the floor. "Amanda" he yelled again quickly checking the other upstairs rooms.

"She's not here," Francine said to Lee as he descended the staircase. Having searched the downstairs she had just left the kitchen and was entering the family room.

"No, but she was here. She took her gun."

Looking toward the corner just inside the family room, Francine spotted the gun. "No … she didn't." Francine picked up the gun and handed it to Lee.

"It's Amanda's," he sighed. They were both startled by the ringing of the phone. Lee picked it up quickly. "Amanda," he answered hopefully.

"No it's me," Billy answered. "I take it that she isn't there."

"No. We found her gun on the floor and it looks like there may have been a small struggle. We think Birol may have taken her."

"Lee, there may be a way to track her down. I have Matt Connelly here with me. It seems Amanda went to see him before she left the agency and convinced him to give her a tracking device."

"He did what?"

"I'm sorry Scarecrow," Matt answered through the speaker, "She said she wanted to use it to help find Birol but I didn't know what she had planned."

"Okay, can we use it to find her?"

"It's transmitting but the signal's very faint. Matt and I are going to head out and she if we could get a better handle on where she is."

"Great, in the meantime Francine and I are going to check Debbie's house. Maybe we could find some clues there.

Lee and Francine quickly made their way down the street towards Debbie's house at the end of the next block. As they entered her yard, Lee signaled to Francine to go around the back. He inched his way toward her front door and had just reached inside his jacket for his gun when he heard someone calling him from behind.

"Mr. Stetson … Mr. Stetson!"

"Mrs. Henley" Lee pushed his gun back in his jacket and moved down to the sidewalk toward her.

"Mr. Stetson where is my interview. You told me your people would contact me and I haven't heard anything from them."

"Mrs. Henley I'm sure there's been some sort of mix-up. We can't do this documentary without your interview. I'll be certain to check on it but right now … I'm a little busy," he stated glancing back at the house.

"She's not there."

"Who isn't there?"

"Debbie! This _is_ her house. She drove off from your house about 30 minutes ago. Your wife was with her."

"You saw them leave," Francine asked walking up behind Lee.

"Yes, I was just coming back from the post office. Mrs. Stetson didn't look too happy but I guess I wouldn't be either if my son was ditching school to get drunk and hang out with some aerobics instructor."

"What are you talking about?"

"Well there's no sense in denying it. I know your oldest son, Phillip, is supposed to be away at school but I saw him with her the other night in the warehouse district near the boulevard, probably coming from some club."

"What makes you think that?"

"He was drunk! His friends had to practically carry him. I think they were going into that gym of hers."

"Now, wait a minute. You said they went into her gym – Goldbar? That's on the other end of town."

"Not that one, the new location. I saw Debbie over there a few weeks ago and asked what she was doing there. She told me it was the new location of the gym she was going to open. She wanted to keep it a secret, as if I would be anxious to tell anyone about that."

Lee and Francine exchanged looks. "Mrs. Henley, exactly where is this building?"

"I told you - the warehouse district. I can't tell you which one, they all look alike. Now, about my interview …. Mr. Stetson," she called out as Lee and Francine ran back down the street toward his car. "Mr. Stetson what about my interview?"

Francine barely had time to close her door before Lee pulled the car away from the curve. He picked up the receiver of his car phone and punched in the number to Billy's agency issued cell phone.

"Melrose …"

"Billy its Lee," he interrupted, "Meet us in the warehouse district. I think that's where Birol's holding Amanda and Phillip."

Lee drove slowly through the area in search of some indication as to which building Birol may be holding them. He was about to make a left turn down one street when Francine yelled out drawing his attention in the other direction. "Of course," he stated recognizing the building.

He parked the car at the side of the building and then moved quietly up to the side entrance. They eased the door open carefully and moved inside. Although there seemed to be no one inside the building now, empty food containers and cigarette buds told them someone had been there. Moving to the back of the building they came upon a closed door. Lee slowly turned the knob, eased the door open and gasped when he stepped inside and saw Phillip lying faced down and motionless in the middle of the floor.

"PHILLIP," Lee yelled out moving quickly to him. Turning him over he noticed a gash on the side of his head that was bleeding. "Phillip!" Lee breathed a sigh of relief when he began to groan and move.

"Lee?" he asked opening his eyes.

"Yes, Phillip it's me. Francine, get an ambulance."

"No, I'm okay. Where's mom?"

Lee glanced at Francine. "We don't know. You're the only one here."

"Lee, we've got to find her," he stated this time more alert. "They have a plane … they're going to take her with them."

"Take it easy," Lee stated as Phillip tried to stand. "Do you know where this plane is leaving from and where it is headed?"

"No, he didn't say."

"Francine we need to find Billy and Matt. We're going to need to get a signal off that tracking device to find her."

"Lee look," Francine called picking up the silver pin from the floor and handing it to Lee, "I don't think that's going to be possible. It's a tracking device, I think its Amanda's."

"He snatched it off of her blouse. He wanted to make sure you wouldn't be able to find us. That's when mom asked him to leave me behind. I didn't like the way he touched her so I jumped at him but someone hit me from behind. Lee," he looked up at his stepfather finally, "how are we going to find her now."

"I don't know but we will," he responded reassuringly wishing he was as confident as he sounded.

Page 12 of 12


	11. Chapter 10

Time to Heal Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Lee left the warehouse with Francine and Phillip. They had just reached the corvette when Billy and Matt drove up.

"Phillip," Billy called out in surprise as he exited his vehicle, "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine."

Billy pulled Lee aside as Francine began tending to Phillip's womb with the First Aid kit she removed from Lee's car. "Lee, how'd you find him?"

"We received information that led us to this building. Phillip was knocked out on the floor in one the back rooms but there was no sign of Amanda.

"Amanda isn't here," Matt exclaimed joining them with the portable receiver in his hand.

"We know that Sherlock." Irritated, Lee tossed the listening device at him. "It seems Birol found the tracking device you gave her."

"This isn't her tracking device."

"What are you talking about?"

"I mean, it is a tracking device and it is Amanda's but its low frequency … a decoy. It was meant to be found. Amanda's real tracking device is still transmitting … see," he held the receiver out to them. "She isn't that far away."

"Then let's go." Phillip said joining them.

"Wait a minute, the only place you're going is to the hospital."

"Lee, there isn't time. We have to stop that plane."

"What plane?" Billy questioned.

"Apparently, Birol is planning to catch a plane somewhere. I think he plans to leave the country and take Amanda with him.

"Dulles airport?"

"No, he knows were looking for him so the airport would be too risky. They must be leaving from someplace else." He rubbed his hands through his hair. He had no idea where to look next. He knew Phillip was right but the last thing he wanted was to put him in more danger. "Okay Phillip, you win. You're coming with us but I want you to do what I say and stay in the car."

***********smksmksmk***********

Debbie paced the floor of the small office overlooking the airport hangar. She secured their use of the privately owned hanger by blackmailing its owner who was one of her clients at Goldbar. She had used the same method on Dr. Sorenson but he learned of their plans and tried to warn Scarecrow - a decision that cost him his life.

Looking through the window, she could see Birol and Adnan talking on the radio to the pilot. He had some trouble and was running late. Surprisingly, she was starting to feel a little anxious. Although she was sure there was no way Scarecrow could find them, he had a reputation for accomplishing the impossible, especially when his wife was involved.

Amanda sat in a chair in the corner of the office, her hands bound in front of her. Although she watched Debbie pacing, her mind was on Phillip: How badly was he hurt? Was he still lying on that floor bleeding to death? She had to find a way to help him.

"Debbie, I was wondering if you could do something for me."

"Something for _you_," she snickered.

"Well actually it's for Phillip. I know you spent some time with him this summer and despite everything I'm sure you don't really want to see him harmed."

"What are you getting at?"

"I just need you to make a phone call … send an ambulance to the warehouse. I just need to make sure that he is found; that he is going to be okay."

"Then there is no need for you to worry," she snickered again. "We left him your tracking advice, remember. Your agency will track him and find him."

Amanda closed her eyes in frustration. Debbie's words gave her no comfort since she knew the real tracking device was still with her.

"Debbie, I've watched you move around the neighborhood for months now - so energetic and driven; a young woman with her whole life ahead of her. How did you ever get involved with all this … with someone like Adi Birol, a killer that only cares about himself?"

She looked at Amanda for a moment, as if contemplating if she would answer. "I've known Adi since I was a little girl. He taught me the importance of standing up for what I believe. Despite what you and your government thinks, Adi is a great man. He is not afraid to take action to make sure we are heard. He makes people stand up and take notice."

"Even if taking action means hurting innocent people … children."

"We live in a violent world and unfortunately, sometimes that violence spills over to children. I learned that first hand as a little girl when my father was murdered – gunned down for standing up for his beliefs. I was devastated but I survived and that taught me to be strong. My father died a hero because he died for what he believed and I will make sure his death wasn't in vain."

"It's great that you had someone to help you through that! You think my four year old daughter will understand that tomorrow or months from now as she begins to realize her mother isn't coming home."

"Not at first. But eventually she will if she has someone to guide her like Adi did for me. He's been very good to my family and I'll always be loyal to him. I'll never turn against him like others in my family."

"Others?"

Debbie turned and looked at Amanda before moving closer. "I guess you'll find out eventually. My real name is Ana … Ana Petre. Magda and Myra are my cousins."

"Cousins?" Amanda asked in disbelief. "Magda came here to find a new life for herself and her family away from all the violence. She only turned against Birol to save my life and for that he killed her - blew her up in her car. She was your family. Are you really okay with that?"

"Of course she's okay with it," Birol stated as he stepped into the room. He had stood outside the door listening to parts of their conversation. He walked over to Debbie and kissed her on the forehead then turned back to Amanda, "who do you think set the bomb."

***********smksmksmk***********

"She's in that building," Matt said to the other agents. They stood along the dirt road behind the field in back of the hanger.

"Billy and I'll go in through the back. Francine, you and Matt try to make your way around to the front."

"Lee, this won't be easy. Birol isn't going down without a fight. I think we should wait for backup," Billy stated authoritatively.

"There isn't time. That plane will be here soon and then he'll be gone. I have no intention of letting him take my wife with him. Phillip!" Lee turned to his stepson and handed him the keys, "you stay here in the car. If we're not back in 15 minutes, I want you to take the car and get far away from here, you hear me."

Phillip nodded in understanding then as planned the agents headed for the hanger in different directions. As they moved through the field they were careful to stay low to avoid being seen. The field, overgrown due to lack of attention, worked to their advantage.

Just a few feet from the back door, Lee and Billy crouched low in the bushes as they heard approaching footsteps. The gentleman in the leather jacket rounded the corner and scanned the field and surrounding area for any sign that someone may be approaching. Seeing nothing, he stopped to light a cigarette. Taking advantage of the gentleman's distraction, Lee eased up behind him and caught him in a chokehold cutting off his windpipe and rendered him unconscious. Then he and Billy opened the back door and entered the hanger.

***********smksmksmk***********

"You two will have plenty of time to catch up on family issues later, but right now we have to get going. The plane will be here in five minutes."

He took Amanda by the arm and pulled her to her feet. He was about to head for the door when Adnan rushed in.

"Adi, I think we may have a problem. I'm picking up some interference. There's a signal transmitting from here somewhere. I think she's wearing a wire."

"That's impossible, she's already been checked for a wire and I discarded her listening device back at the warehouse."

"We'll there's only one way to find out." Adnan took a device and moved it over Amanda's body in search of some indication that she was responsible for the signal, but he found nothing. "Okay, then maybe there is something in the room."

"Adnan you're being paranoid," Birol stated watching him scan the room. "There is no way the agency could have known we would be here."

But as the device passed by Ana, it began beeping. The two men stared at her in disbelief.

"Ana?" Birol spoke first as if looking for an explanation.

"This is crazy," she stated as Adnan began moving the device across her body. "There is something wrong with that thing. I do not have a …"

The beeps suddenly increased as he reached the pocket of her jacket. Reaching in her pocket she removed a small device the size of a large button. Confused, she stared at the device then at Birol.

"Adi, this isn't mine. I don't' know how this got …" Suddenly realizing what was going on she turned her attention to Amanda. "You … you did this. During the fight, you put this on me."

Amanda said nothing but the smirk on her face confirmed Ana's suspicions.

"Very cleaver Amanda, I've underestimated you again. Unfortunately for you, Scarecrow won't get here in time. Adnan collect everything and let's go. We'll meet the plane on the runway."

"Hassan," Adnan called over the walkie to the gentlemen in the leather jacket. "Hassan come in, this is an emergency. We're leaving now, we may have trouble."

"I'll check it out," Adnan said to the others when there was no answer. He opened the back door of the office and stepped into the hallway. He was about to take another step when Scarecrow rounded the corner up ahead. "SCARECROW," he yelled in warning to them as he raised his gun and shot at the agent.

"Let's go," Birol yelled as Adnan reentered the door. He grabbed Amanda and went out the other door that led directly to the hanger. Ana and Adnan were behind him. They were nearly half way through the hanger when Francine and Matt came in from the outside yelling for them to stop. Birol pulled Amanda in front of him and fired a couple of shots at them before ducking behind some boxes.

Lee and Billy made their way to the office. Shots were already being exchanged when they entered the hanger.

"Birol, it's over," Lee yelled out to him. "Give up, there's nowhere for you to go."

"Scarecrow I suggest you and your team back away and let us leave, unless you want to see your wife get hurt.'

"You hurt her and I swear there is no way you'd get out of here alive."

"Well, I guess the only thing left to wonder now is which one of us will be forced to carry out their threat."

Birol suddenly rose up and began firing a couple rounds prompting his companions to do the same. He grabbed Amanda and dragged her with him outside the hanger toward the runway.

"Adi wait," Ana called out to him as he was leaving. He glanced back at her briefly and kept going.

"I'm going after Amanda," Lee said to Billy.

The team began returning fire to cover Lee as he ran out the 'hanger'. Adnan aimed his gun in Lee's direction and was about to shoot when a bullet from Billy's gun caught him in his shoulder. He fell backward in pain and the gun fell from his hands. Ana attempted to run out of the hanger but Francine blocked her path. She tried to knock the gun from Francine's hands but failed at that too and finally had to accept that she had been captured.

Birol could see the plane approaching. They were halfway to the runway. He needed just a few more minutes.

"Your plane is here, you can let me go now."

"Sorry, Amanda but I'm afraid you're coming with me."

"Birol," Lee yelled from behind, his gun drawn. Birol swirled Amanda around in front of him as he turned to confront his enemy.

"Scarecrow, you don't give up do you."

"You're not getting on that plane."

"Are you going to force me to carry out my threat?" He placed the gun at Amanda's head.

"Birol let her go, I'm warning you," he stated angrily noticing the rift in her sweater.

"What! That you'd kill me? You may, but before I die at least I'll have the pleasure of seeing the look on your face when you watch her lifeless body hit the ground."

"Don't do this. I'm the one you want. Let her go and I'll go with you."

"Lee, No!"

"Birol!"

He paused for a second as if contemplating Lee's offer. "Tempting offer Scarecrow but I'm afraid I'll have to decline. Amanda here is a much better ace and I've been looking forward to our reunion." He took his free hand and began rubbing it across her face. "The pleasure I'll receive from killing you is nothing compared to the pleasure I'll receive knowing how much you're suffering not knowing where your wife is or what I'm doing to her … not knowing if I'm enjoying the feel of her soft skin ..."

The shot from Lee's gun rang out so quickly even he barely realized what had happened. The bullet hit Birol in the forehead. He fell backward with such force that Amanda nearly fell as well.

"AMANDA," he yelled as he rushed toward her. She was staring down at Birol's body.

"I'm alright, I'm alright." She whispered when he pulled her in his arms but her eyes were still fixed on Birol. Releasing her, he pulled a blade from his pocket and cut the ropes that bind her hands. "Is he?" she whispered unable to turn away.

Lee knelled down and touched Birol's neck, checking for a pulse. "Yes." He stood and turned back to Amanda. "He's dead."

"Lee, Phillip … we have to get to him. He's …"

"He's alright, Amanda. We found him at the warehouse. He's waiting in the car."

Suddenly the tears began to fall. Lee pulled her into his arms again and stroked her hair. "It's okay honey. It's finally over. Our family is safe." He stood there for a moment holding her not wanting to let her go, afraid it wasn't real. Finally, he pulled back and held her face in his hands. "You sure you're alright."

"Yeah," she nodded.

"Did he hurt you?"

"No Lee, I'm fine; thanks to you."

"No, you did this Amanda. It's because of you we were able to find Phillip and finally stop Birol. I was so worried about you."

"I know and I'm sorry, but I had to do something."

"I guess I should have listened to your plan. It was a good one. But Amanda, I can't have all my field agents running off and disobeying orders."

"Well, you won't have to worry about me doing that anymore. This was my last field assignment."

"Are you sure?" It was what he had wished for, prayed for, but he had to be certain it was what she really wanted.

"Yes. I think it's time."

"Are you two alright," Billy asked. He and Francine arrived with a couple of backup agents.

"We're fine and I don't think we have to worry about him anymore," Lee stated motioning toward Birol's body.

"I'm going to make sure of that." Billy turned to the other agents and began giving orders to bag Birol's body and transport it to the agency's for an immediate autopsy.

Lee put his arm around Amanda's shoulders and pulled to him. "Come on," he whispered kissing her on the forehead, "Let's go find Phillip and go home."

"Find? I thought you said he was waiting in the car."

"Yeah, those were my instructions. But if he's anything like his mother," Lee snickered, "he didn't stay there very long."

***********smksmksmk***********

"Knock … knock," Amanda called from the doorway of Dean's hospital room. He was sitting on the side of the bed. He turned toward her and smiled.

"Amanda! Come in." He carefully eased himself back on the bed obviously in pain. Watching him Amanda couldn't help but notice he was wearing jeans and a sweater, not your typical attire for hospital patients.

"Are you going somewhere?"

"Yes, I'm going home today."

"Isn't that a little soon?"

"Lying around this hospital all day is driving me crazy and I'm driving the hospital staff crazy. They said I could go home if I promised to take it easy and hire a private nurse, so I did."

"Dean" … "Amanda" They both spoke simultaneously. He motioned for her to go first.

"Dean, I'm sorry I didn't come to see you sooner. Everything's just been so … hectic."

"It's okay, I understand. I imagine things do get a little hectic in your line of work."

"Anyway, I wanted to let you know how sorry I am for getting you involved in all of this; and to tell you how grateful I am for what you did. I can't thank you enough for saving my daughter's life and my life."

"Your husband … Lee came by this morning."

"He did?"

"Yes, he wanted to thank me for saving his family. Now, I think I understand why he's so protective of you and the kids. I realized he's not such a bad guy after all; at least that's what I thought before he slapped a gag order on me so I can't discuss what really happened. That's not easy for a person in my business."

"I'm sorry but it's a matter of 'National Security.'"

"National Security? Wow, I guess you really are a spy. You even sound like them." They both laughed for a moment.

"Amanda, I have to ask. How did you get involved in all this anyway - spies, guns, and terrorists? Why? When?

"It's a long story."

"I'm not going anywhere just yet."

"Well, it was by accident really. I was at the train station one morning when a man grabbed me by the arm and told me he was in trouble. He handed me a package and told me to get on the train and give it to the man in the red hat. I did or at least I tried to and the next thing I knew I was in the middle of a government investigation. Anyway, they offered me a part time job working in the office and one thing led to another and here I am."

"Some strange man hands you a package and you just take it. How could you be sure he could be trusted?"

"I don't know," Amanda smiled, "there was just something in his eyes that told me he was telling the truth."

Dean watched her curiously. "This man you met … was it Lee?"

"Yes," she smiled again almost blushing. "He trained me - taught me everything I know. We made a great team."

Curious, Dean pressed further. "Amanda, what were you doing at the train station that morning?"

"I …" she paused for a moment trying to decide how she should answer, "I had just dropped you off."

"So we were together then."

"Dean I'm sorry but I couldn't tell you what I was doing. My family didn't even know for years."

"Wow, that certainly explains the secrets and frequent disappearances … _and_ why we broke up."

"Dean, No. It's not what you think. Lee and I weren't together then. He didn't even want me around half the time. It was years before we … before we feel in love."

"Are you trying to convince me or yourself?"

"Dean, I didn't mean to …"

"Amanda, it's okay," he smiled. "You know when you and I broke up I swore I was going to get you back someday. So I decided to make some changes … become the man you would want me to be. Then one day I realized I was becoming the man I wanted to be. Your leaving gave me the courage to make some needed changes and I'm quite happy with the man I became. I'm also happy that you found what you were looking for in Lee. Maybe someday I'll find a beautiful woman that looks at me the way you look at him."

"Well, if you really mean what you said then I think I have the perfect person for you – Francine."

"Amanda …"

"Now, I know the two of you broke up because of all the secrets and cancelled dates but now that you know the truth maybe you could give it a second chance."

"Amanda …"

"I know Francine could be difficult at times but it's all an act. She's really very caring and loving and loyal and I think she cares about you a lot more than you realize. Dean, if you let her get away I think you're going to regret it."

"Dean, sorry I'm late," Francine stated walking through the door. She stopped when she saw Amanda. "Amanda I didn't expect to see you here."

"Oh, I just came by to see how Dean was doing," she answered a little surprised.

"Amanda, I asked Francine to give me a ride home. As you stated, we have a lot to discuss and, well, I don't want to do anything I'll regret later." He stared at Francine as he spoke.

"Well then I think I should be going."

"Amanda you don't have to run off on my account," Francine stated.

"No. It's getting late and I still have a few more errands to run today. Besides I'm sure Dean's anxious to get out of this place. I'll see you both later."

Amanda left Dean's hospital room with a smile on her face. She couldn't help but notice the way Francine looked at him.

Page 9 of 9


	12. Epilogue

Time to Heal Epilogue

**EPILOGUE**

Amanda stood on the front steps of her home watching the catering truck drive away. Her mother's spring wedding had gone off without a hitch and had been quite beautiful. In the end Dottie had elected not to have her wedding at an elaborate banquet hall but at her daughter's home surrounded by family and friends.

Their guest had already left except for Billy Melrose, who stood next to his car talking with Lee, and his wife Jenny, who waited patiently in the car.

Amanda wrapped her shawl further around her shoulders as the wind began to increase. She wore a pink dress with spaghetti straps and a very thin short jacket. It was very simply made but was form fitting and accentuated her curves. She had initially thought of wearing a smart suite but decided on something a little more exciting. The look on her husband's face when she came down the aisle told her she'd made the right decision. The dress had been perfect for the late afternoon wedding but as she began to feel the chill of the evening breeze she decided to go back inside.

She found Emily fast asleep on the couch in the family room – the day's activities proving to be too exhausting for her. She had taken her flower-girl responsibilities very seriously and had done an excellent job. She didn't get to wear grandma's makeup as she had hoped, but she grinned from ear to ear when her father told her how beautiful she looked. Amanda picked Emily up off the couch and carried her upstairs. She put her on her favorite pajamas and placed her snuggly in bed before heading back downstairs.

Glancing around the house, she realized there was still much cleaning to be done. As she began her task, she thought about the day's events:

How beautiful her mother looked coming down the aisle in her off-white suite. Amanda hadn't seen her that happy since before her father had died.

How nervous Captain Curt looked standing there especially when the boys pretended to lose the wedding ring. She was surprised he still wanted to be a part of their family after the Birol fiasco; but he had assured Amanda that nothing could keep him from marrying his Dotty.

How Francine blushed when she caught the bouquet. Well, actually her mother had simply tossed the bouquet at her. She was the perfect choice, especially after the large diamond ring Dean had given her the week before. Their wedding was set for the fall. "I know it may seem that we are moving a bit fast," she had told Amanda, "but Dean and I aren't getting any younger and we're anxious to start our own family."

"A penny for your thoughts," she heard Lee say from behind her.

"Oh," she jumped then turned to face him, "I didn't hear you come in."

"You looked like you were a thousand miles away?"

"Billy and Jenny left?"

"Yes, Jenny's patience ran out."

"So what were the two of you talking about for so long?"

"It was just a little agency business … nothing important." He walked into the room and began assisting her with the cleanup. "So what had you so preoccupied?"

"I was just thinking about how much everything's changing - Mother and Captain Curt are married now, Francine and Dean are getting married, Emily's will be starting kindergarten soon, and …" she sighed, "Jamie will be graduating from high school in a few months and leaving for college."

"New York isn't that far away."

"I know but I thought he would go to the University of Virginia with Phillip. I suppose NYU does have a better Journalism and Photography program. With all the sneaking around and snooping he did a few months ago, I'll say he has real potential."

"Yeah, I'm afraid he has just a little too much potential!"

"What do you mean?"

"I'm worried that the boys may have gotten a little too much exposure to the spy world during the Birol ordeal. Is it just a coincidence that Phillip has decided to study Criminal Justice?"

"Well, his father is a lawyer. Maybe law school is in his future."

Amanda took the dishes she had gathered from the family room and headed for the kitchen sink. Lee picked up a few more items than followed her.

"Maybe!" he stated entering the kitchen, "I hope so. Did you ever have that talk with the boys?"

"Yes I did. I just told them that there was a lot that happened that I could not share with them then I assured them that I was alright."

"They were okay with that?"

"I think so. As I continue to show them that I'm alright, I think they'll be okay."

Lee stood against the counter as she ran the dish water. "I'm just glad we're both out of the field. For once I'll like our family to be just a little normal."

"I remember a time when you thought normal was boring."

"Well right now normal seems like a welcome refreshment." They both laughed. "Amanda, are you excited about starting your new position."

"I'm excited about returning to work full-time. I think I've been on leave more this past year than I've been working." Following the Birol case, Amanda had taken an extended leave to recuperate. She had returned to work part-time two weeks ago and was returning to fulltime status for her new position on Monday.

"When I agreed to take that position in the Research Division, I didn't realize they wanted me to take over as head of the department."

"I wasn't surprised. The agency's been able to solve almost as many cases through your research as they've solved by you being in the field. You just have a knack for knowing what things to look for."

"Thank you," she smiled. "I just hope I can do a good job."

"I'm sure you will." Lee picked up a dish clothe and began drying the dishes she had washed. "So, do you have any regrets about leaving the field?"

"No I don't. Emily's getting older and with mother gone I think it's important that I'm available to spend more time with her."

Glancing around the kitchen and looking suspiciously in the other room, Lee took note that the house was a little quiet. "Where are kids anyway?"

"Emily's upstairs in bed and Jamie's and Phillip took Sarah to a party at one of their friend's house."

Sarah Parker was the daughter of Dr. Janet Parker. Dr. Parker and her family had been invited to the wedding. She came a few days early to handle some agency business and brought her daughter with her. Her husband, a Naval Crime Investigator, had flown up the night before.

"She and Jamie certainly hit it off."

"Well they have a lot in common; both were members of the Science and Math club. She wants to study medicine and plans to go to NYU also. It's too bad she still has one more year of high school or she and Jamie would be starting college together."

"Yeah, well something tells me he will be taking Janet up on her offer for him to stop by the house anytime he's in need of a home cooked meal."

"I'm just happy they'll be someone nearby to help keep an eye on him."

"Amanda we've talked about every change except the most important one."

She turned to him curiously. "And what is that?"

"The Henley's are selling their house."

Amanda laughed. "I spoke to her when they were putting up the 'For Sale' sign. After the closing of the Gold Bar Gym, Debbie's publicized arrest as a terrorist and the government's raid and seize of her home, Mrs. Henley has decided she doesn't want to be associated with this neighborhood. She even insinuated that she suspects we may have been involved with Debbie and her terrorist activities."

"Well, that explains why she stopped inquiring about her interview for what she thought was a documentary about American neighborhoods. If that's what it takes to get that nosey busy-body out of this neighborhood, then I'll gladly accept my place on the terrorist list."

"Lee, be careful what you ask for. I know she isn't the most pleasant person but the person that moves into that house could be worse than she is."

"We couldn't get a worse neighbor."

"I'm glad you said that because I spoke to Joe the other day and he and Carrie are thinking of moving back to the states and will be looking for a new home. Maybe I should call him and let him know that there is a house for sale right across the street from us."

Amanda had taken a few steps toward the phone when he grabbed her arm.

"Oh no you don't," he stated pulling her into his arms. "I've learned to accept the ex-boyfriend down the street but having the ex-husband directly across from us is asking just a little too much."

He covered her lips with his, ending her laughter. Still holding her in his arms, he pulled back slightly and brushed her hair away from her face.

"Amanda, it's been a long day, Emily is asleep and the boys are all out. I think we should take advantage of this quiet time. Why don't we leave the rest of this for tomorrow and head on upstairs?"

"Yeah, I think you're right. We could both benefit from a little extra sleep."

"Who said anything about sleeping?"

He took her by the hand and led her to the stairs. As she followed him up, she couldn't help but think about one other change that had taken place – the change within her.

Until several months ago, she wouldn't have thought such a change was needed. If asked, she would have said her life as a mother, daughter, wife and agent was completely happy. But the resurfaced memories of what had happened to her … of what he had done to her, had forced her to face the painful truth.

With the help of Dr. Parker, her family and the agency she was able to face Birol and her fears. Now he was dead and the pain he had inflicted had slowly and painfully subsided. It produced in her, a change that had been most liberating. She felt loved, she felt strong, she felt safe, she felt … healed.

Page 4 of 4


End file.
